Jil

I'm 9 and a half months sober, in a relationship and my boyfriend smokes pot. A few months back it really bothered me, so he stopped. I realized I shouldn't tell him what to do so when I was a bit more comfortable with it, I told him he should continue smoking pot if he wants to. I'm at the point where it still upsets me, even though I'm trying so hard to not let it. I know the main reason it bothers me is because he is able to do something to alter his mind, whereas I can never do that again, and it angers me. (Although dating a stoner is not something I want to do, so if it's excessive that's another issue altogether). I won't ask him to stop again, because I really want him to be able to do what he wants. But whenever he says he is hanging out with friends (because I know he'll smoke up with them) or I call him and can tell he is high, it makes me so angry.

I guess what I'm asking is when these feelings of jealousy go away, and how. I'm trying really hard to let go of it and realize that it's my issue, not his, but it's so difficult and takes a lot of energy to tell myself that I don't care. Is this something that just happens gradually over time? Tell me your stories if you like.

Dee74

I don't have any experience I'm afraid - I couldn't be with anyone who was a pot smoker because that was another of my drugs of choice, and neither me nor my partner drinks.

I do remember tho I stopped being bothered by others drinking when I realised I liked the life I had without drinking in it, if that makes sense?

D

DayTrader

I notice jealousy from time to time even now (at 4+ yrs). Try as I might, I can't just convince myself to not be jealous. On the other hand, when I'm working my recovery program adequately, those feelings tend not to pop up all that often. So, that said, I'd say they go away with continued work on core recovery. If you find that you're not having success with what you're trying to rid yourself of those thoughts, keep looking... there IS a solution out there. Mine came in the AA program.

sugarbear1

I couldn't continue in a relationship without total honesty today. I wish you the best!

Anna

Hmm, I would not want to be with someone who drank/smoked as a regular thing. It sounds like you are having trouble deciding whether you can live with your boyfriend's drug use or not and that might be a tough one.

I think Dee has it exactly right - when I became happy with myself and my life, it didn't bother me to be around people who were drinking.

Jil

Well I broke up with him. I know this isn't a relationship forum or anything, but now I feel more alone than ever in my recovery, not having his support. Hopefully I can find out how to be happy on my own, but right now it feels so hopeless.

Dee74

I'm sorry Jil - breakups are never easy....but know you can find support here

D

eJoshua

Sorry that you are dealing with a breakup, but it sounds like it was the best thing for you. In the long run I think you'll be a lot happier with someone who doesn't use.

Hang in there!

doggonecarl

His support? Just exactly how did he support you in your recovery. He was smoking pot when he knew it bothered you. He was engaging in something that could shake your recovery. Support means he would have recognized it and ceased. He didn't.

In time you will realize you made the wise, but difficult, choice. Find support amongst peers in recovery. Good luck.

Threshold

I've had the jealousy factor creep in too 'blah blah blah, life is so unfair" (that is ME, not how you sounded)

I live in a tiny community (an outpost if you will) drinking and drugging is rampant. Pot is everywhere. Honestly I look around me at the people who smoke up, drink and use regularly. In many cases that is just about all they do when they get together with friends. I am not jealous any more.

I am not jealous of their expanding waist lines and beer bellies, red eyes, and noses. Stupid intoxicated laughter, rude behavior, obvious hangovers. Not jealous of their DUI's, parole dates, random injuries that occured while wasted...concussions, falling into an oven resulting in third degree burns, cutting a finger off while cooking, falling down stairs, through doors, etc etc etc

Wasted is definitely the word for it all right, they are wasting pretty much everything. Time, money, freedom, health, jobs, all wasted, but hey, they feel good, right?

Then why do they keep coming to work sick, groaning, stumbling, holding their heads?

I have gotten over my jealousy 100%