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Old 12-09-2011, 01:48 PM
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Not Your First Rodeo

I've noticed a number of people here on SR who were sober for several years some time ago, but who went back to drinking, and are now on the path to sobriety again.

I've found this interesting and thought it would be good to share our stories. What made us get sober the first time? What did we think of sobriety? What made us go back to drinking? Was that second trip "down the down road" fast or slow? What brought us to quit drinking again? And is there anything different this time?

For myself, I quit drinking at 29 after almost a decade of nearly daily beer drinking, which was causing problems in my marriage and thwarting my ambitions. I responded to a marital ultimatum, and spent the next two years sober. They were some of the most productive years of my life -- I'm amazed to look back and see what I accomplished.

At 31 I moved and started another job, and I didn't bring my sobriety with me. I went for drinks with my new colleagues one night and ordered one. For the next few years I drank casually, but by the time I was thirty five I was drinking almost daily again. There were some back and forth periods but then for the last two years (I'm nearly 40 now) it was daily drinking again, and worse than before because liquor (not just beer) was involved and being ten years older the hangovers were far worse. Finally, two months ago, I just felt that spiritually and mentally and emotionally I couldn't do it any more -- I needed to find something to live for (and I have a lot to live for) as I peered through a drunken haze at the second half of my life.

If you had a few years of sobriety before, then what's your story? I don't mean just a short relapse or slip... I mean years of drinking, then a long and considerable stint of sobriety, then drinking again for a long period.

It seems to me we might be able to gain some insight by sharing each others' stories. So share away! Tell me about your first sober rodeo -- how you got thrown, and why you decided to get back on.
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Old 12-09-2011, 02:01 PM
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Oooh, good thread, Deserto. Looking forward to hearing everyone's stories.
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Old 12-09-2011, 02:41 PM
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I've often thought about my relapse after 3 yrs. of sobriety. I still don't understand how or why I allowed myself to cave.

I'd been drinking all my adult life, with disastrous results. Things were chaos. My son was getting older, beginning to notice my behavior, & comment on it. (Like, "Nice parking job, mom" when I parked on the lawn one night.) I was ashamed of how I appeared to him, so I quit. I was not happy about it, though. I felt cheated, like my wings were clipped.

After being sober 3 yrs. I met someone. I hadn't dated in ages & was nervous/excited. On our first date he asked me if I liked wine. Instead of saying I didn't drink, I said yes. I was just going to have one - what could it hurt? Of course, the one turned into 8. Off I went, back into hell - this time it lasted 7 yrs. I outdid myself - got 3 dui's, lost my license, began drinking all day at work, ruined my relationship with family & friends, etc. I ended up in jail for a few days, almost lost the job I'd had for 20 yrs. - things were so much worse this time.

I was drinking round the clock - kept one by my bed to sip on if I woke up shaky. One day I got up feeling completely insane. I looked at myself in the mirror. My face was bright red, my eyes glassy, I was bloated. I was older now - I knew I couldn't survive this lifestyle. I was afraid to close my eyes at night for fear I wouldn't wake up. My heart pounded all the time - I was tanking fast. I had no choice but to stop - or die.

Now that I think about it - stopping so I wouldn't lose my son's respect might not have been the best reason. This time, I did it to save my life.
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Old 12-09-2011, 02:54 PM
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oh, this could get lengthy, talk to ya soon..
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Old 12-09-2011, 03:19 PM
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Nice thread! Thank you so much for posting this. It really makes me look at myself and my own patterns. This is my first real attempt at sobriety so I don't have a lot to add but I've been thinking about this a lot lately and the thought of drinking ever again freaks me out. But I know now easily I could pick up again and I know where that would lead. Still doesn't keep those stupid thoughts from flowing through my head from time to time tho. So thanks again & I'll be interested to hear everyone's experience.
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Old 12-09-2011, 03:25 PM
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Hmm...I'll try and make this short.


I had done drugs and drank a lot from the time I was 13 to 19. My parents sent me to a rehab when I was 19. Fortunately, that lasted until the time I was 24.

I met a man, and we started dating. Didn't realize in the begining that he was an alcoholic. After 6 months we moved in together, and I was drinking right along with him. He asked me to marry him, and I said yes. About 5 months down the road from us moving in together, he became abusive. I started drinking more and more, just to numb myself and to not deal with the pain of it all.

One morning, I woke up in a hospital. My back was broken in 4 places and I had all kinds of bruises as well as strangulation marks on my neck. I remembered everything from that night before, because that night, I decided to pack up my stuff and move back in with my parents, so I did not drink at all. My mom came to my house the next morning to see why I never showed up.

Anyway...then came my addiction to pills. After my back was broken, my Dr. gave me Vicodin. A new prescription each week. I did quit that cycle 3 years ago, but I think about vicodin everyday. I still drank though. All the time, until 60 days ago, I woke up, and looked at myself, and I was disgusted. Just disgusted. I found SR that day, and have been sober since, and pray that I always will be.
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Old 12-09-2011, 03:51 PM
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Good thread,

I am only 6 months sober and I find it really helpful to read about people with fairly long sobriety, relapsing, thank you people for sharing.

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Old 12-09-2011, 04:35 PM
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5 years ago I decided to quit again, I’ve quit many times before but never more than a week or 2 at a time. I just didn’t like all the negative side effects that drinking left me to deal with, up till 3 AM, hang overs, marriage issues, health problems and things were getting worse.

I stayed quit for right at 3 months, I wasn’t doing anything special just stopped drinking, then out of the blue I got a gift, a bottle of wine, I was a beer drinker so what could wine hurt, just a glass…

I finished off the whole bottle before bed even though I was only going to have a small tiny bit before bed. By 2 weeks I was back at my regular drinking.

5 whole years passed, just drinking like it was air that I breathed, fighting with wife overdoing it too often, then one night my youngest daughter was in an accident, we rushed down to the hospital, by now I’ve had a 18 pack of beer, I stopped for another 12 pack for the 2 hour ride down (wife was driving).

30 beers later I finally met my daughter, she was ok but she was shocked to see me so drunk, she was 15 years old, the next day I drank more but I finally seen what a jerk father I really was, when my daughter needed me the most I was too drunk to be of any help, in fact I got lost wondering the streets that night.

Almost 10 months now with no booze and the thing that’s different this time is I will never forget that night, and I am seeking to better myself, it is a long road to recovery but deep inside me there is a little red ember that with just a little bit of booze will flare back up to a full blown hellish fire, and because of that last relapse I know this with everything I have, there may never be a next time for recovery, this time has to be forever.
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Old 12-09-2011, 04:36 PM
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Just this year alone, I started to believe I could actually make a change in my life and I now have been sober for more days\time than in all of the last ~15 years (Thank God for the great people on SR). The ONLY reason I would not be drinking back then was lack of money, I rarely had any concern for my own well being or future. Constant nightly benders. I'm coming up on 80 days sober, not a drop of alcohol or toke-o-weed, it scares me to think about another relapse and I need to keep the hell of the cycle & withdraw fresh in my mind 'always'.
Congrats and best wishes to everyone on your path.
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Old 12-09-2011, 05:47 PM
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I quit drinking in August 2003, slipped a couple of times that fall, then had my last drunk (or so I thought) on New Years Eve 2003. I was sober from the start of 2004 until mid 2009, with no program, I just didn't drink.

By mid 2009 I had gotten complacent and when out to dinner with some friends, ordered a beer with my steak like everyone else. That started me down a slippery slope. I struggled for about a year to get and stay sober, never lasting more than a few weeks. Finally ended up in a medical detox facility for 3 days to address the physical detox issues, and got introduced to AA which I had avoided before. I learned a lot from the program of AA, got a sponsor, worked the steps and now go to ~ 3 meetings a week. So far, so good.

Getting sober the second time after my 5+ years of sobriety was much harder. Alcoholism is progressive and as you age the physical effects get worse.
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Old 12-09-2011, 06:03 PM
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untreated alcoholism led me to drink.
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Old 12-09-2011, 07:00 PM
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Deserto, you basically told my story. I am just about your age too. Turn 40 this coming June.
First got sober on my own in 2000. I had 3 great years of sobriety, met my wife, and had two of my three kids during that time. I had a sponser, went to meetings, and got involved. We started our own business and things were going very well. At some point, the meetings tapered off. I quit calling my sponser, quit praying. It was only a matter of time. I was off and running. Picked up right where I left off. I would get sober for awhile and then go back out.
On Dec. 30 of 08 I was diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer. The next day I had an MRI that found a herniated disc in my lowest vertabrae. The whole next year was nothing but surgeries, chemo, and radiation. I had oxycontin and loratab, and xanax whenever I wanted it. I abused that stuff for almost a year when the docs cut me off. Went cold turkey. Undiluted hell.
I sobered up for awhile after that, but it would not last. Started smoking pot daily earlier this year.
I finally saw the damage I was doing to myself and my family. It is a slow form of suicide. I want to live, not kill myself slowly.
Two weeks ago I started going to meetings, praying, and calling my sponser. I am going back through the steps. Basically doing the things I did when I first got sober. It is defenately much, much harder this time. I am so glad I found this site as well. You guys are awesome.

Sean
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Old 12-09-2011, 07:59 PM
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Lets see....I got sober in 1991.... got married to a wonderful guy in 1998. In 1999 he was diagnoised with brain cancer. The pain was too great, I escaped.

Looking back I know I got SOBER in 1991, but did I ever really give over my control and trust God? I believed in God, but didn't really trust him cuz I knew best. or so i thot...

In 2002 I met and married a wonderful guy, who was a widower....I have relapsed mulitple times since we married. Most of the time he didn't know until I told him.

In Dec of last year, I gave up. Control began to slip away.... I understood that I was a control freak, that I was a manipulator, that I needed to let go....

I believe that is when my recovery began...I have almost a year and this year has been huge growth for me. I do a couple of meetings a week now and I have been reading through the Bible in a year, and I am almost done!! (It works for me)

Great question!

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Old 12-10-2011, 05:15 AM
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I can sure relate to this topic. In Feb of 2000 I got sober for 6.5 years. I relapsed in September of 2006. I loved my sobriety during some of that time, was active in counseling for the first 2 years or so. I guess I became complacent. I put the blame for my relapse on no one but me. My relationship with my very long term partner was not fulfilling, I felt very lonely for a very long time. I was working exremely hard. Lots of pressure and strain at my work. I specifically remember one day in late September of 2006. My partner was out of town for about 10 days. I went to the grocery store, bought a bottle of red and drank the whole thing. Next day I was hungover and shocked at what I had done. Essentially I said f*#@ it. I drank in secret a lot. Took a lot of pain meds and seroquel. My drinking continued for the next 4.5 years. My relationship ended in Sept of 2009. I suppose some due to alcoholism, but really I was with the wrong person & I had a problem with quitting anything (obviously). I'm thankful it ended. I drank to blackout multiple times per week the last 2-3 years. Wine, shots, beer. Gained tons of fat and bloat. Looked disgusting.

Still, I was working extremely hard. Caring for all my animals & coming through for people who depend on me. Had to drink in the mornings on my way to work. Heaving, crying. Make it through the day. In July of 2010 I bought my little dream home about 20 miles out of town and moved into it along with all my animals on August 1, 2010. (from 9/9-8/10 I was still living in my old house I owned with my partner & he had moved in new gf in that he had left me for, unbelievable sh*tty living situation) Still drinking so heavily, don't know how I was doing it, in retrospect.

It wasn't after a particularily bad drunk, but I got up one morning in March. Had to work of course. So sick, had no booze, had to get a ride to town to work. I looked at my friend who was driving me in and I told him, it has to end now. I need help. I'm an alcoholic. He said "I know". I fully and thoroughly gave up at that time. In the past I had heard all the stuff about powerlessnes, but I hadn't "got it". Even in 6 years of white knuckling, I didn't get it.

I am so thankful for that awakening. I am so thankful for my life. I still work too hard, I still have some lonely times, but this time I know in my very core that I am sober for good. I am really just grateful for the very breath I breathe these days. I live in peace with my animals & that's good enough. I don't have to have a partner, even though I have a couple friends.

I hope people take relapse seriously. My tolerance for alcohol after my relapse was amazing, I think even during sobriety our alcoholism can progress & when we choose to start again, it is worse than ever. Very best wishes to everyone in their quest for a clean and sober life.
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Old 12-10-2011, 01:02 PM
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I think this is a really good thought provocing thread, it helps me realize how much i don't understand, but here goes. All the times that I had gotten sober were because i did something stupid or got in trouble with the law (dwi), my last time at sobriety lasted 28 months and i was told i could not drink or else go to jail. From then on, going out with relatives and white knuckling it wasn't getting any easier sober, i didn't do the steps and maybe they would have helped with the anxiety. Three words describe what happend just before i always got in trouble or had a problem "i didn't think" i didn't think drinking would get so bad, so i did it. Then my brother got married and i was the best man, the night of his wedding i had a coctail of three substances, one of them being alcohol. eleven years later, after lots of blackout drinking, substance abuse, broken bones, brusies, blood and being told i might lose my job, something clicked (duh) and i knew i can't even drink a little. the difference this time is i really believe, in my own mind, (not someone forcing me), that alcohol would ruin me eventually. Now that i really believe it, it's so much easier to not drink, and i know that sounds simplistic. Like i said this thread is great and i'll keep thinking about it. Dan oh yea, i started drinking over 41 years ago, blackout from the start.
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Old 12-11-2011, 09:36 AM
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Some interesting posts here!

It seems like there's some common threads here: 1) Quitting for someone else can last for years, but it seems to eventually lead to relapse. 2) Even after years of sobriety, starting a new situation (meeting a new potential mate, starting a new job) can lead back to drinking. This seems to me like a double-whammy. You meet someone new, and want to appear normal, so you have a drink. But because you're still in the just-met phase (whether a friend or more) you don't want to show up and not drink the next time -- because that would be like admitting both that you have a problem and that you relapsed. It's a bit ironic, because meeting someone new is such a great opportunity to re-invent yourself... but we don't. 3) And of course, "over-confidence" or ceasing to put sobriety first can lead to that relapse.

Any others have stories to share?
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Old 12-11-2011, 12:56 PM
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I'm a one time only quitter - a day here, a week there, 2 months once...but no recovery until I got here.

I'm finding this thread interesting tho - thanks Deserto

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Old 12-11-2011, 02:49 PM
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Originally Posted by Deserto View Post
Some interesting posts here!

It seems like there's some common threads here: 1) Quitting for someone else can last for years, but it seems to eventually lead to relapse. 2) Even after years of sobriety, starting a new situation (meeting a new potential mate, starting a new job) can lead back to drinking. This seems to me like a double-whammy. You meet someone new, and want to appear normal, so you have a drink. But because you're still in the just-met phase (whether a friend or more) you don't want to show up and not drink the next time -- because that would be like admitting both that you have a problem and that you relapsed. It's a bit ironic, because meeting someone new is such a great opportunity to re-invent yourself... but we don't. 3) And of course, "over-confidence" or ceasing to put sobriety first can lead to that relapse.

All very good points, Deserto.

Last edited by Dee74; 12-11-2011 at 03:10 PM.
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Old 12-11-2011, 03:14 PM
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My drinking got bad in my early thirties and I gave it up with the help of AA. (I'm 60 now) I stayed sober for around twenty years until almost five yrs ago when I started having one glass of wine before the kids got home from high school. Before the year was out I was addicted badly, drinking all day every day, like having an alcohol IV.

Quitting drinking was harder this time around, I noticed. I don't plan on making a third try at drinking. Twice bitten, forever shy.
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