Jaynee

I drank Wed night, but I didn't drink last night. Got seriously stressed out on Wed night and voila...., I guess it is all part of recovery. No one said it would be easy, right? I just hope I don't slip up again, I really want to quit. Worst of all I am now a big ol' liar. My family think I haven't had a drink in over a week. At least when I was drinking I wasn't lying about it. Going for a long jog now, blow off some steam.

Snarf

I lied a lot when I was drinking. Hasn't been the case since I stopped; I no longer do things I need to lie about.

You're back on the horse. Stay there. Falling off ain't much fun.

GirlFromCO

Glad you stayed sober last night! That's how you do it - just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get right back on the ride.

doggonecarl

Relapse isn't part of recovery. It is part of addiction.

What are you going to do the next time you are stressed, or troubled, or find yourself in whatever situation makes you turn to drink?

And no, recovery it isn't easy. Saying no to alcohol, saying no to the voice in your head telling you to drink is tough. But that is what you have to do.

Good luck and stay strong.

TheOjibway84

Sorry to hear that Jaynee! Try to remain strong. I had many slip ups myself and yes it's hard to accept it. I still shudder at things I promised months ago and was rwading emails to my mother sent by me how "well" I was doing and strong I felt that I wasn't going to drink ago and guess what? a week later drank again,. You called yourself a liar and said your family believes you've been sober longer? I know it may hurt but you're going to have come straight out with how you drank again. Trust me, not telling them will only make you look more of a liar rather then someone whose ashamed by their slip. I had to withstand the full out disappoint from my parents as they came up to my home and sat down with me on the porch and asked if I wanted to move back home and my mother started crying and I couldn't say anything because a sorry wasn't enough anymore. Once you get through saying the truth you can get back up and try everything to stay sober. Im coming up to 4 months of being sober and I feel great, Mind you I'm in AA and if it weren't for that. I wouldn't be here right now talking to you and all others. Even for a brighter note I am chairing my first AA meeting in over a year next thursday! It gets better but you're going to have to do the work. I suggest AA but your the one who needs to decide what you want to do and how youll approach this ordeal. God Bless and my prayers are sent to you as I give thanks tonight and tomorrow morning.

Dee74

Hi Jaynee

I'm glad you're back
I think most of us have faltered a time or two. This life-changing stuff is hard.

I don't agree relapse is part of recovery tho - like Carl said, it's still just active addiction.

I think relapse is a sign you need to think about what else you need to do to make this work, y'know?

And...I'm a big one for honesty - carrying around the weight of a lie like that is not going to make it easier to stay sober IMO.

D

instant

It is not an easy road to get something solid happening and things happen. Hiding won't help you in the long run. It will hurt and they may have difficulty understanding, but coming clean and educating them about the challenges whilst renewing your commitment is a better option in the long run.

Sapling

I agree with you....Tell them you made a mistake and you're back on the right track. You'll feel better...Gain some trust...And grow and be stronger for it. And for what it's worth....OJIBWAY....I'll be chairing my HG meeting next Thursday too. We'll send eachother positive vibes.

Jaynee

Carl...., Your comment that relapse is not part of recovery but addiction, was a really important point for me to hear. This way, when my brain is telling me to drink, I can tell myself that it is just my sick addicted brain talking and it is not part of recovery to fall off the wagon. I basically told myself that if I fall off now, it was just part of the process of recovery, but it's not.....that was important for me to hear. Was in Costco today, and was tempted, but I told myself, it is just my sick brain talking to me and it's not okay to drink. I also like the quote I read on here that being and living sober is freedom, and to me freedom is the most important gift there is......I keep that in the back of my head as well, and "thy will be done".....believing in a higher power.

Zebra1275

doggonecarl was right on.

So what's your plan to stay sober? I've found that simple willpower is not enough.

Jaynee

Zebra, I am not quitting with just will power. I am reading the big book, and other books, and surrendering. I am admitting I am an alcoholic and accepting the fact I can't have a drink, period. I've been to a few AA meetings in my small town and they just don't work for me. I am using this site instead of the AA meetings. I quit eating wheat after my sister was diagnosed with Celiac, I don't have it, but I know I have gluten intolerance and I haven't had anything with wheat in it for 2 years. That was hard, but I knew it made me feel sick, so I stopped. I have given up on eating sweets as well, I don't eat the sweets I used too, that was about a year and half ago. I knew I had to loose weight and I've lost over 45 pounds in the last year, and I've kept it off. The way I look at it is that some people have alcohol intolerance, and want to drink but can't because they get violently sick if they even have a drop, so maybe I will look at alcohol the same way. So what is my plan, surrender to a higher power, admit to my sick addicted brain that I can't drink, keep jogging and eating healthy, make goals, and keep thinking positive and practicing gratefulness, and l will keep looking forward to being free and living a sober life. I really don't want to drink anymore.

Jaynee

I may start to look into Women for sobriety.

NewWay

I can relate to your story. The reason I think I can stop drinking now after 30 years is because I was able to give up meat then eventually eggs and dairy last year. I lost 30lbs by doing so, but I continued to drink even though I cut back. I was able to exercise on a regular basis and would decrease my food intake in order to drink more.

Before I stopped eating meat last year, I had a major addition to fast food. I would eat at fast food restaurants every day and have a juicy burger. Now i have absolutely no desire to eat meat. I can go to any fast food restaurant and not have any desire to eat a burger or any other animal products. I am now applying that same technique to my drinking.

I know now that drinking can not be a part of a healthy lifestyle even though I tried to make it so.