Trouble With Sponsor - Meeting Attendance
 

I'll have been clean for 6 months as of December 23 of this year. I attend NA and AA meetings 2-3x per week, and one LifeRing meeting per week. I'm 27 years old and honestly, I find it difficult to connect with many of the members at the most convenient AA meetings I can get to. My sponsor gives me a hard time about not going to a meeting every day, but quite frankly, I have found better uses of my time. Lately I find myself going to meetings just for the sake of going to a meeting and not getting grief from my sponsor. I stare at the clock the entire time, itching to get out of there. I don't know if I need to mix up the meetings that I go to or what, but I feel like I'm getting stale again in my recovery and can't afford to.

I am doing step work and enjoying it. I think for me personally I work better one on one versus in a large group. I have a very difficult time connecting with people outside of the meeting...part of this I think has to do with the age discrepancy (I'm 27, whereas the average age at the meetings I go to is 50+). That being said, I found a young person's meeting that I go to weekly and greatly enjoy.

I think it's important to realize that everyone is different. What works well for one person might not for another. I get a lot more out of working one on one with my sponsor vs. sitting in a large group listening to one person talk at a time. That's not to say that I don't get anything out of meetings, but I personally cannot see myself going to a meeting everyday. At some point, I think the point of getting sober is to go out and live your life happily, not sit in meetings all day. For some people, sitting in meetings all day is their life - and that's fine by me....however it frustrates me when my sponsor tries to push this lifestyle on me.

That being said, sobriety is great. It's great being able to constantly set new goals, rebuild relationships, and be ridiculously healthy again. I was fortunate enough to place 5th in a local strongman competition a few weeks ago (without the assistance of large amounts of amphetamines this time ;) ). I am in the best shape of my life physically, mentally, and emotionally. I practice yoga daily, workout hard at my local Crossfit gym 5-6 days per week, meditate, and pray daily. I don't buy into a lot of the dogma of the 12-steps programs yet, but I continue to go to meetings and "act as if". LifeRing provides a WONDERFUL alternative to 12-step programs, and I get much more out of those meetings.

That's all for now, thanks for listening.

Welcome back ClimbingBack

congrats on your nearly 6 months - sounds like you must be doing something right :)

D

That's kinda odd. I know they suggest going to meeting every day for the first 90 days but you have almost 6 months. Each sponsor is different though. I think if you're comfortable with 2-3 then that's what you should do. I definitely don't think going just for the sake of going is really going to do much good. Great job on the almost 6 months!

It sounds like you're doing well.

For me, the most important part of recovery, is balance. :)

I got about the same time you do....What step are you working on?

I know that early on I had a hard time doing the right number of meetings for the same reason as you and they were getting very stale. I finally quit going to the meetings that weren't working and checked out some others.

Nowadays I've got 4 week that I hate to miss because they are so good. The other three days I save for my family.

If you try enough out you will hopefully find those that you want to go to - not just have to go to.

Good luck.

Well let's see. I went to lots and lots of meeting my first 6 to 9 months. Of course, it took me about 3 months to become clear headed enough to be able to remember what I read when I hit the period at the end of the sentence, lol

But I felt SAFE in meetings, so I went.

I don't know it was maybe at 5 or 6 months, I asked my sponsor how long I was going to have to go to meetings. Her response:

"You have to to meetings until you WANT to go to meetings, then you don't have to go anymore."

Sheesh that sure didn't make sense to me the first time she said it. But slowly, as my brain built new pathways to replace the ones I fried, it did start to make sense. I believe it was right after my first anniversary that I cut down to 5 or 6 meetings a week and stopped hitting 2 or 3 on a Saturday or Sunday. Even the 5 or 6 only a week put me in a 'tizzy', lol

What on earth was I going to do with all that extra time? Well slowly I found things to do. Some alone and some with my 'new friends' from AA and some with my new 'non drinking friends' from work.

I was starting to learn about "BALANCE" in my life.

I needed those meetings, even the ones I thought were really dumb. I started to realize that it was there that I felt SAFE and SECURE and didn't have to try to be something I wasn't.

So maybe look around for some 'new' meetings, be they with AA or Life Ring, or SMART. I know it took me quite a while to find the 'meetings' that seemed to say something to me.

Just my experience.

Love and hugs,

my sponsor doesn't believe in daily meetings....quality vs quantity & a well rounded life.

How long have you been sober Sugar??....And are you currently living steps 10-12 right now?

I like this line Laurie..I'm going to steal it.

"You have to to meetings until you WANT to go to meetings, then you don't have to go anymore."

First off...Congrats on six months, no matter how you are doing it. From what I am reading here...It doesn't seem like it is AA and I doubt if you will have that sponsor much longer. Just to kind of go through what you are saying here....

That's a bit harsh, don't you think?

I can't see anything constructive in what you just did there. Certainly wasn't any helpful advice that I could see.

Okayyyy,I'm kind of new around here and don't post much, but I do hope that my post isn't torn apart like that of ClimbingBack from Sapling. By the way congrats ClimbingBack in 6 months. I'm coming up on 5 months this Sunday and it's sure been a ride.

I go to meetings every day but I'm really not connecting with my sponsor, so I think it's time for a new one, BUT I do give him a lot of credit for helping me in my early day's of sobriety. It's just that he's very busy at work and has a lot of sponsee's. I've also connected with another AA member so I think I'm going to ask him to be my sponsor.

Keep checking out different meetings if you don't find one that suit's you. That's what I hear from other AA members.

It sounds like you're feeling great, so am I! I pray also on a daily basis and take up some of my time going hiking and mtn biking.

Just speaking for myself, but like I said I'm new to all this and I am FAR from perfect so that is why I'll never judge anyone on here or in the rooms of AA because that's the last thing we newcomers want! We've already been judged enough on the outside from our family, friends, etc. and probably rightfully so, but I sure as hell do not want my post torn apart like that.

Good night everyone and take care.
Paul

Your post is neither constructive, helpful or on topic.

I'm not here to defend what Sapling posted, but I do feel Sapling's frustration. Often.

What Sapling did was break down the 1st three paragraphs showing how the OP was bashing AA and their sponsor. Sapling also pointed out that the last paragraph was an advertisement for LifeRing.

That being said I will go back to the OP and throw in my .02

CB I also attend AA. I, however, do not believe they are the be all to end all programs of recovery. You got to go what works for you. If you are disatisfied then by all means you should move on.

AA's purpose is to give hope to alcoholics. It's purpose is to help the alcoholic that suffers. You found your way into the rooms for one reason or another and I would assume with 6 months sobriety(awesome btw) that you received help. That's pretty attractive. The ideal would be to stick around and tell others your story and help them. It doesn't always work out that way. Good luck on whatever path of recovery you go down.

As for the dogma of 12 step programs, I find some of it hard to swallow myself. But, my sobriety means so much to me that if they told me I had to believe in Santa Clause I would do it.

Age wise? If I had to go to the nursing home and watch 12 people drool for two hours a day and it kept me sober and happy, then I know where I would be every day for 2 hours.

Group therapy has been proven to beneficial. You can get one on one therapy with a drug and alcohol counselor. Your sponsor is there to guide you through the steps. I enjoy spending one on one time with my sponsor too, but I enjoy group imensely.

OK things seem to have taken a rather sad negative turn.

Regardless of your position, I can't see how it does the OP, or anyone else reading this, any good to see a thread descend into bickering.

Let's all take a deep breath, go walk the dog round the block or whatever...then lets get back to offering our experience, and hopefully some positive constructive feedback

thanks

D

'That's all for now, thanks for listening.'

Sure thing, anytime.

I'm sorry if that was harsh. I apologize. AA is the the only reason I am alive right now. My sponsor is someone that deserves the credit for that being so. I deserve the credit for listening to him and following his advice. Those 50+ year old people are my friends right now because they taught me. I attend at least 10 meetings a week because I want to live. And I love going to them. I don't know what Ring of Life is and I certainly won't bash it or anything else that keeps you alive. But I will defend what kept me alive. Just for that one person that read his post and thinks that is what AA is about...And how it works. Again...I am sorry.