New and looking for some guidance
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 15
New and looking for some guidance
Hello everyone, I'm new
I don't know if I belong here but I don't know any people who have quit drinking or don't drink and I'd really like to talk to other people like me. I currently have 35 days sober.
At the beginning of 2011 I decided that drinking was having a negative impact on my life and that it was better for me not to drink. I'm 27 years old and graduated University this summer. Believe it or not, I work in a pub for a living but I don't have a problem being around alcohol at work, seeing other people drunk puts me off and we're not allowed to drink on shift anyway.
My Dad and my Maternal Grandfather are both alcoholics and I don't want to waste my life in the same way. I don't crave alcohol but when I drink, I can't stop....I only stop when I pass out or run out of alcohol or money. I've been in trouble at work for being a hungover mess and do stupid things when I'm drunk, mainly sleeping with inappropriate men. I often have no recollection of my actions, just big gaps in my memory. I don't drink every day but when I drink, I really drink...then I feel embarrassed by my actions the next day and depressed and anxious. I've never been in trouble with the Police or anything though. I'm not sure if I need to stop or not?
I don't know if I'm creating a problem that doesn't exist or if I just don't want to accept there is one. Everyone I know hassles me to drink and I've fallen off the wagon after 67 days, 76 days and 23 days already this year due to my inability to stay strong and not drink. I'm really shy and I find it difficult to be in social situations sober. I don't like the person I become when I've been drinking but I lack confidence without it. I've not really been out much this year due to my attempts to stay sober and a lot of my friends have drifted away which makes me sad. I think people find me boring sober.
I do really want to have the will power to not drink but I don't know how, can anyone give me any advice?
Thank you
I don't know if I belong here but I don't know any people who have quit drinking or don't drink and I'd really like to talk to other people like me. I currently have 35 days sober.
At the beginning of 2011 I decided that drinking was having a negative impact on my life and that it was better for me not to drink. I'm 27 years old and graduated University this summer. Believe it or not, I work in a pub for a living but I don't have a problem being around alcohol at work, seeing other people drunk puts me off and we're not allowed to drink on shift anyway.
My Dad and my Maternal Grandfather are both alcoholics and I don't want to waste my life in the same way. I don't crave alcohol but when I drink, I can't stop....I only stop when I pass out or run out of alcohol or money. I've been in trouble at work for being a hungover mess and do stupid things when I'm drunk, mainly sleeping with inappropriate men. I often have no recollection of my actions, just big gaps in my memory. I don't drink every day but when I drink, I really drink...then I feel embarrassed by my actions the next day and depressed and anxious. I've never been in trouble with the Police or anything though. I'm not sure if I need to stop or not?
I don't know if I'm creating a problem that doesn't exist or if I just don't want to accept there is one. Everyone I know hassles me to drink and I've fallen off the wagon after 67 days, 76 days and 23 days already this year due to my inability to stay strong and not drink. I'm really shy and I find it difficult to be in social situations sober. I don't like the person I become when I've been drinking but I lack confidence without it. I've not really been out much this year due to my attempts to stay sober and a lot of my friends have drifted away which makes me sad. I think people find me boring sober.
I do really want to have the will power to not drink but I don't know how, can anyone give me any advice?
Thank you
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: In a Good Place
Posts: 484
My advice is to go see your doctor. It sounds like you have a problem similar to mine. Once I start, I cant stop. I made poor decisions while drinking as well- driving drunk, etc. With your family history, and your post, I would be alarmed at the very least. The drinking until blackout is not indicative of a normal drinker.
Good luck and keep posting!
Good luck and keep posting!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
A lovely person here named CarolD said: you have to want to be sober more than you want to drink. I find that to be true. At first I wasn't willing to actually quit, I just wanted to control it. It felt so free to finally not drink at all.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Randolph NJ
Posts: 70
It's sounds like you've admitted to yourself that you have a problem and that you are trying to quit so that is a good first step. I would just say that if you're going to quit you need to do it for yourself. You'll find out who your true friends are when you stop if they support you through it. Otherwise they were most likely just "drinking buddies".
From your post you sound like a binge drinker. I was most of my drinking career, I would have stops and starts, but eventually the binges got worse in frequency and how much I would drink. Have you thought about going to a meeting or some one on one support? It sounds like you are trying to do this by cutting yourself off from the world and then when you want to get back to doing things socially you relapse, because you're still using alcohol as social crutch.
I like you thought I was shy, I had horrible anxiety problems and social phobias until I finally quit for good. I would suggest trying new things and making some new friends, even if you are terrified of it. You need to approach this with a positive, no fear attitude. Good luck to you.
From your post you sound like a binge drinker. I was most of my drinking career, I would have stops and starts, but eventually the binges got worse in frequency and how much I would drink. Have you thought about going to a meeting or some one on one support? It sounds like you are trying to do this by cutting yourself off from the world and then when you want to get back to doing things socially you relapse, because you're still using alcohol as social crutch.
I like you thought I was shy, I had horrible anxiety problems and social phobias until I finally quit for good. I would suggest trying new things and making some new friends, even if you are terrified of it. You need to approach this with a positive, no fear attitude. Good luck to you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
Welcome purplepixie
You'll find a lot of support here and a lot of people who understand.
I think embracing a life of not drinking takes a lot of changes - I had to change where I hung out, what I did for fun, and who I did it with...
but I don't think I lost out on the deal...I found new ways to have fun, I kept the old friends who supported me in not drinking, and I made a lot of new ones.
It takes time - it's months not weeks - but it's worth it. I always gave up too soon before
A life without alcohol, and where that has led in terms of me working on myself, has been tremendous for me
My life is undeniable quieter but sober me - the real me - actually likes it like that.
A lot of the time I used to go out I think I needed alcohol to ramp me up into the party guy reputation I wanted to live up to, or to fit in, be sociable etc.
I'm a lot happier now I'm just the genuine me
good to have you with us
D
You'll find a lot of support here and a lot of people who understand.
I think embracing a life of not drinking takes a lot of changes - I had to change where I hung out, what I did for fun, and who I did it with...
but I don't think I lost out on the deal...I found new ways to have fun, I kept the old friends who supported me in not drinking, and I made a lot of new ones.
It takes time - it's months not weeks - but it's worth it. I always gave up too soon before
A life without alcohol, and where that has led in terms of me working on myself, has been tremendous for me
My life is undeniable quieter but sober me - the real me - actually likes it like that.
A lot of the time I used to go out I think I needed alcohol to ramp me up into the party guy reputation I wanted to live up to, or to fit in, be sociable etc.
I'm a lot happier now I'm just the genuine me
good to have you with us
D
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome purplepixie!
It does sound like alcohol is causing problems in your life (not to mention the fact that blackouts are just plain dangerous). I never got in any trouble with drinking (probably due to pure luck), but I suffered regardless and made some decisions that now make me cringe.
It's always scary at first to think about being sober. I couldn't think about "forever", so I took it one day at time and hung out here a lot (picked up lots of good tips and inspiration from others going through the same thing).
It took some time to get used to, but getting sober is the best thing I ever did.
It does sound like alcohol is causing problems in your life (not to mention the fact that blackouts are just plain dangerous). I never got in any trouble with drinking (probably due to pure luck), but I suffered regardless and made some decisions that now make me cringe.
It's always scary at first to think about being sober. I couldn't think about "forever", so I took it one day at time and hung out here a lot (picked up lots of good tips and inspiration from others going through the same thing).
It took some time to get used to, but getting sober is the best thing I ever did.
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
Welcome to SR!
I tried that willpower stuff for a really long time ..... I kept on drinking. I used AA as my solution. There are many ways to recovery, AA is not the only way but I found that's what worked for me.
Glad you found us and congrats on 35 sober days. That's awesome!!
I tried that willpower stuff for a really long time ..... I kept on drinking. I used AA as my solution. There are many ways to recovery, AA is not the only way but I found that's what worked for me.
Glad you found us and congrats on 35 sober days. That's awesome!!
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Hi Pixie!
Congrats on the 35 days. Young lady you are doing much better than I did at quitting. Before I quit for good finally I tried every day and never made for a day. It sounds to me like you are not lacking in the will or the fortitude to quit, just that you get pressured by peer pressure to go back after a little while. I would have been so happy to break free as I finally did that I swore I would never drink again if I could just get through a detox and be free of alcohol in my system and survive.
Welcome to the forums! Boy do we know how you feel. How about starting by finding where the sober people hang out and meeting some of them there? Then you may find a new friend or friends amongst them? How about trying some AA meetings over there and see if there are some folks that hang together outside of the meetings. I am so proud for you and sure hope you stick around and keep posting and reading here.
You asked for some advice and that is it. Keep reading here and posting, and do some different things to help you make it through a permanent recovery. You are one up on those who can't physically quit drinking for the cravings and have peer pressure.
Try some meetings, see if they help you.
Congrats on the 35 days. Young lady you are doing much better than I did at quitting. Before I quit for good finally I tried every day and never made for a day. It sounds to me like you are not lacking in the will or the fortitude to quit, just that you get pressured by peer pressure to go back after a little while. I would have been so happy to break free as I finally did that I swore I would never drink again if I could just get through a detox and be free of alcohol in my system and survive.
Welcome to the forums! Boy do we know how you feel. How about starting by finding where the sober people hang out and meeting some of them there? Then you may find a new friend or friends amongst them? How about trying some AA meetings over there and see if there are some folks that hang together outside of the meetings. I am so proud for you and sure hope you stick around and keep posting and reading here.
You asked for some advice and that is it. Keep reading here and posting, and do some different things to help you make it through a permanent recovery. You are one up on those who can't physically quit drinking for the cravings and have peer pressure.
Try some meetings, see if they help you.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
purplepixie - It's great to have you as part of the family. You never have to feel alone again - you have us, and we get what you're going through.
I had a similar drinking pattern, but at 27 I would never have considered stopping. That's too bad, because my life turned into chaos as I tried unsuccessfully to control my drinking. That won't happen to you, purple. Be proud of yourself for taking a hard look at what alcohol is doing to you. Keep talking to us.
I had a similar drinking pattern, but at 27 I would never have considered stopping. That's too bad, because my life turned into chaos as I tried unsuccessfully to control my drinking. That won't happen to you, purple. Be proud of yourself for taking a hard look at what alcohol is doing to you. Keep talking to us.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Midwest U.S.A.
Posts: 130
Congrats on 35 days sober! I am also a shy person naturally and got drunk in order to deal with social situations. I thought everyone liked me more as a drunk, but I'm quickly finding out that the only people who truly liked me more when I was drinking were other drunks. Just because I'm not bouncing off the walls trying to be the center of attention making a fool of myself and not caring (the old drunk me), doesn't mean I am boring! The same goes for you. Stay strong and you will realize that the people who like you better sober are the people you should want to be around.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: WA, USA
Posts: 2,591
hi and welcome purple 35 days sober is a great start and now you are accomplishing another major step toward sobriety by reaching out to others who know what you are going through. having a support group is probably the most important thing for successful recovery. loved ones, friends, anyone you trust and can talk to about this stuff is the support group- including this site which has always been my main support group.
35 days sober is a great start and now you are accomplishing another major step toward sobriety by reaching out to others who know what you are going through. having a support group is probably the most important thing for successful recovery. loved ones, friends, anyone you trust and can talk to about this stuff is the support group- including this site which has always been my main support group.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 15
Just an update...
Thank you all for taking the time to reply...I'm sorry I've not been back on til now, I've just moved house and haven't had internet access for the last week. I hope you all don't think I've been rude
Just an update, I'm now 42 days sober
I don't know why but it kind of feels different this time, before I always saw myself drinking again in the future, like my drinking was just on hiatus whereas now I'm trying to see myself as a non-drinker rather than someone trying to quit
It's my work Xmas party tomorrow and I'm sure people will try and get me to drink but I'm feeling very strong at the minute and I don't think I'll be tempted and I'm driving anyway and I never ever drink and drive so I should be fine
I have considered AA but I have a couple of reservations to be honest. 1) I'm afraid of seeing someone I know, 2) I'm not religious at all, I'm Agnostic really and 3) I'm afraid the other people there will think my problem isn't serious enough and that I'm a fraud for being there, I'm worried they wouldn't think I belonged in their group...I'm afraid of rejection I guess
Just an update, I'm now 42 days sober
I don't know why but it kind of feels different this time, before I always saw myself drinking again in the future, like my drinking was just on hiatus whereas now I'm trying to see myself as a non-drinker rather than someone trying to quitIt's my work Xmas party tomorrow and I'm sure people will try and get me to drink but I'm feeling very strong at the minute and I don't think I'll be tempted and I'm driving anyway and I never ever drink and drive so I should be fine
I have considered AA but I have a couple of reservations to be honest. 1) I'm afraid of seeing someone I know, 2) I'm not religious at all, I'm Agnostic really and 3) I'm afraid the other people there will think my problem isn't serious enough and that I'm a fraud for being there, I'm worried they wouldn't think I belonged in their group...I'm afraid of rejection I guess
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Lost in the midwest
Posts: 443
Congrats on 35 days! That's 35 more days than you had, so be proud of what you have! It's got to be your decision, not everyone else. I too work in a bar and when all of my coworkers want to have drinks and I politely refuse, our "friendship" changes. But that's ok, because like I tell them all the time, " I'll do me, you do you" you will get there, don't anticipate the future, just do today! Best of luck!!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,138
Hi Pixie, Congrats on 42 days! I'm glad it feels more permanent for you this time and I hope you keep it up.
As for meetings, I don't go myself, but 1) Seeing someone you know might not be embarrassing... it could lead to a better friendship, because you'll both realize you have something in common that you didn't realize before. 2) There are lots of agnostic people in AA... and there are also secular groups that you might be able to join, to meet people. 3) I doubt anyone would think you were a "fraud" or that your problem wasn't "serious enough." Just as you've seen here, I think you'd find a lot of people admiring you for tackling this issue long before it became an even bigger problem. Alcoholism is progressive, and we all know that -- some of us too well.
Anyhow, not trying to pressure you into joining a group -- but I think it would help you meet new people if that's important to you, and to discover some of the bigger joys behind sobriety than just being sober.
Congrats again!
As for meetings, I don't go myself, but 1) Seeing someone you know might not be embarrassing... it could lead to a better friendship, because you'll both realize you have something in common that you didn't realize before. 2) There are lots of agnostic people in AA... and there are also secular groups that you might be able to join, to meet people. 3) I doubt anyone would think you were a "fraud" or that your problem wasn't "serious enough." Just as you've seen here, I think you'd find a lot of people admiring you for tackling this issue long before it became an even bigger problem. Alcoholism is progressive, and we all know that -- some of us too well.
Anyhow, not trying to pressure you into joining a group -- but I think it would help you meet new people if that's important to you, and to discover some of the bigger joys behind sobriety than just being sober.
Congrats again!
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,900
Originally Posted by purplepixie
2) I'm not religious at all, I'm Agnostic really and...
the AA program comes of to me as quasi-religious spirituality, so I leave those parts alone and use what I find personally meaningful. Making new sober friends and attending meetings have helped the most.
Anywho, posting and reading here at SR, having an addiction treatment plan and committing to live alcohol/drug free can bring about amazing results.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
