Not an alcoholic, but attending closed meetings?
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dans-
I post more often on a different side of the board but thought I might be able to offer my perspective.
I am a grateful member of Al-anon (which is for friends and families of alcoholics). That is my main group and focus. I also am in a recovery from an eating disorder. Though I did not do 12 step work for recovery from that, I do find that 12 step work is very supportive of my overall recovery and life.
However I regularly attend Open AA meetings, and actually often share at those meetings (their Group's Conscience says it is okay). However if it is an AA meeting I am going to that I am unfamiliar with I try to make it there early to make sure that I am following their belief and parameters. I would not share if I thought we were going to run out of time for everyone in the group, or it went against their Group's Conscience. I believe there is a reason that we have two ears and only one mouth....and try to put my focus on listening and learning in those meetings.
I personally would not attend a Closed AA meeting. I have many concerns in my life, but my use of alcohol is not one of them. I would feel like my presence at those meetings could potentially detract from the purpose of those meetings, for people that do struggle with alcohol to get the support they need to take care of themselves. It would feel instrusive to me. I do not feel intrusive attending Open meetings (where honestly I am welcomed, supported and cared about), because those that choose to come to those rooms are made aware ahead of time that people that don't struggle with alcohol might be there, and I feel comfortable being myself and saying who I am and why I am there.
I post more often on a different side of the board but thought I might be able to offer my perspective.
I am a grateful member of Al-anon (which is for friends and families of alcoholics). That is my main group and focus. I also am in a recovery from an eating disorder. Though I did not do 12 step work for recovery from that, I do find that 12 step work is very supportive of my overall recovery and life.
However I regularly attend Open AA meetings, and actually often share at those meetings (their Group's Conscience says it is okay). However if it is an AA meeting I am going to that I am unfamiliar with I try to make it there early to make sure that I am following their belief and parameters. I would not share if I thought we were going to run out of time for everyone in the group, or it went against their Group's Conscience. I believe there is a reason that we have two ears and only one mouth....and try to put my focus on listening and learning in those meetings.
I personally would not attend a Closed AA meeting. I have many concerns in my life, but my use of alcohol is not one of them. I would feel like my presence at those meetings could potentially detract from the purpose of those meetings, for people that do struggle with alcohol to get the support they need to take care of themselves. It would feel instrusive to me. I do not feel intrusive attending Open meetings (where honestly I am welcomed, supported and cared about), because those that choose to come to those rooms are made aware ahead of time that people that don't struggle with alcohol might be there, and I feel comfortable being myself and saying who I am and why I am there.
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Originally Posted by DayTrader 
Dans, you'll get much better advice by asking ppl who actually attend AA regularly, know the program and understand the traditions. Here, on this board, you'll find them in the "12 step recovery" section.
That said, nowhere is it written nor it it any part of AA that one needs to be an alcoholic to attend closed meetings. Ok..? You do not have to be an alcoholic to attend OPEN OR CLOSED meetings.
There is ONE requirement to attend closed meetings of AA: "The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking" Open meetings, as their name suggests, are open to everyone. If you want to attend closed meetings and you meet that one simple requirement, you're welcome.
As for sharing......understand this please: there are alcoholics there who absolutely NEED that program of recovery or they're going to drink again (because they can't keep themselves sober) and for them, their next relapse might be the last one they're alive to have. Now, the 12 steps will guarantee that person recovery IF they take them, if they work them and IF they incorporate them into their life. When it comes to your time to share, out of respect for the ppl who may die if they get an "alternate program," your version of the program, your personal program, etc.....basically, not the one the came to AA to get, I'd ask that you consider VERY carefully if you should be sharing at all. AA isn't group therapy.....they have group therapy just for ppl who want group therapy.
That said, nowhere is it written nor it it any part of AA that one needs to be an alcoholic to attend closed meetings. Ok..? You do not have to be an alcoholic to attend OPEN OR CLOSED meetings.
There is ONE requirement to attend closed meetings of AA: "The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking" Open meetings, as their name suggests, are open to everyone. If you want to attend closed meetings and you meet that one simple requirement, you're welcome.
As for sharing......understand this please: there are alcoholics there who absolutely NEED that program of recovery or they're going to drink again (because they can't keep themselves sober) and for them, their next relapse might be the last one they're alive to have. Now, the 12 steps will guarantee that person recovery IF they take them, if they work them and IF they incorporate them into their life. When it comes to your time to share, out of respect for the ppl who may die if they get an "alternate program," your version of the program, your personal program, etc.....basically, not the one the came to AA to get, I'd ask that you consider VERY carefully if you should be sharing at all. AA isn't group therapy.....they have group therapy just for ppl who want group therapy.
I'm not an alcoholic. I'm not there to have people waste time discussing or voting on whether or not I should be there. I'm not there to compare my insanity with other people's insanity. I recognize and respect that for all the good spirit in the meetings this is serious business (which is part of my concern, why I brought the issue to this board.) I understand that this is not my personal therapy.
I love these meetings because the stories I hear - particularly from the people with serious time - show that allowing your perceived sense of entitlement (resentments, hurt, ego) to run your life leads to disaster. I need to hear that. I need to hear that again. I need to hear that I'm not OK, and that I won't get OK until I accept that I'm not the one I should be turning to for answers.
I'll definitely go over to the 12-Step recovery section.... and listen.
Thank you.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 252
From Feb 1958 Grapevine written by Bill W. addressing non alcoholics in meetings:
"Sobriety -- freedom from alcohol -- through the teaching and practice of the Twelve Steps, is the sole purpose of an AA group. Groups have repeatedly tried other activities and they have always failed. It has also been learned that there is no possible way to make non-alcoholics into AA members. We have to confine our membership to alcoholics and we have to confine our AA groups to a single purpose. If we don't stick to these principles, we shall almost surely collapse. And if we collapse, we cannot help anyone."
Bill Wilson
A.A. History – Problems Other Than Alcohol
"Sobriety -- freedom from alcohol -- through the teaching and practice of the Twelve Steps, is the sole purpose of an AA group. Groups have repeatedly tried other activities and they have always failed. It has also been learned that there is no possible way to make non-alcoholics into AA members. We have to confine our membership to alcoholics and we have to confine our AA groups to a single purpose. If we don't stick to these principles, we shall almost surely collapse. And if we collapse, we cannot help anyone."
Bill Wilson
A.A. History – Problems Other Than Alcohol
Last edited by RV GTO; 12-07-2011 at 03:37 PM. Reason: a
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Originally Posted by PaperDolls
Honestly? Really?
And my intent is not to take your inventory, I'm responding to your orginal question asking for opinions on this. I'm sorry you don't like my opinion.
And my intent is not to take your inventory, I'm responding to your orginal question asking for opinions on this. I'm sorry you don't like my opinion.
Thank you.
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Originally Posted by RV GTO
I think you're rationalizing your behavior and as a member of AA I don't believe you should be attending closed meetings. See my post 43.
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nowhere is it written nor it it any part of AA that one needs to be an alcoholic to attend closed meetings. Ok..?
Ask your GSR rep from your home group to get you the clarification.
Love and hugs,
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Originally Posted by laurie6781
Not true, those descriptions I gave are the shortened version of 'directions' from World Services as to how to 'list your meetings' and how to get them in the World Directory. The 'group conscience' decides if the meeting will be open or closed, and then follows the guidelines from World Services.
Ask your GSR rep from your home group to get you the clarification.
Love and hugs,
Ask your GSR rep from your home group to get you the clarification.
Love and hugs,
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Join Date: Oct 2011
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Dans...You are upsetting me, (and I'm saying this nicely.)
I'm an Alcoholic/Addict, and I attend meetings.
You are a tourist.
You are like that guy in the movie, Fight Club. The one who goes to cancer group meetings, even though the guy did not have cancer, but it helped him cry.
It upsets me that you believe that you have any right at all to attend our meetings, and upsets me even more that you have the audacity to do so.
You have issues, understandabley, who doesn't? But if your not an alcoholic, then as a courtesy to those of us who REALLY ARE ALCOHOLICS, please out of RESPECT find a therapist.
I'm an Alcoholic/Addict, and I attend meetings.
You are a tourist.
You are like that guy in the movie, Fight Club. The one who goes to cancer group meetings, even though the guy did not have cancer, but it helped him cry.
It upsets me that you believe that you have any right at all to attend our meetings, and upsets me even more that you have the audacity to do so.
You have issues, understandabley, who doesn't? But if your not an alcoholic, then as a courtesy to those of us who REALLY ARE ALCOHOLICS, please out of RESPECT find a therapist.
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Originally Posted by laurie6781
The 'group conscience' decides if the meeting will be open or closed, and then follows the guidelines from World Services.
"Our membership ought to include all who suffer from alcoholism. Hence we may refuse none who wish to recover. Nor ought A.A. membership ever depend upon money or conformity. Any two or three alcoholics gathered together for sobriety may call themselves an A.A. group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation."
I suppose it does ultimately depend on the particular group. I have heard it stated at closed meetings as "those who have a desire to stop drinking," as DT suggests, but also as "those who suffer from alcoholism" or "those who wish to recover from alcoholism." To the OP, dans, I would suggest either switching to Open meetings, or asking the particular group if they are OK with you attending.
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Originally Posted by Terminally Unique
Tradition 3 (long form) states:
"Our membership ought to include all who suffer from alcoholism. Hence we may refuse none who wish to recover. Nor ought A.A. membership ever depend upon money or conformity. Any two or three alcoholics gathered together for sobriety may call themselves an A.A. group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation."
I suppose it does ultimately depend on the particular group. I have heard it stated at closed meetings as "those who have a desire to stop drinking," as DT suggests, but also as "those who suffer from alcoholism" or "those who wish to recover from alcoholism." To the OP, dans, I would suggest either switching to Open meetings, or asking the particular group if they are OK with you attending.I've got the message. I'm not welcome at closed meetings. I regret starting this thread (but I think something good may come from it) and I wish I could delete it before it devolves into arguments!
Thanks.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 252
I think this thread should be closed. The subject has been beaten to death and it's clear that closed meetings are for folks with alcoholism or drinking problems. It's getting a little heated and include me in that.
Tradition 3, Bill Wilson's opinion from the Grapevine; it's been quoted and laid out in detail.
Tradition 3, Bill Wilson's opinion from the Grapevine; it's been quoted and laid out in detail.
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
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Originally Posted by PaperDolls
I have to agree with Anna ....... seems to me you're not being honest. It's something to think about. With that said, I'm glad it's helping you.
By the way, the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking (you don't even have to identify as an alcoholic). When you share though, most groups ask that discuss your problems as they relate to alcohol. I'm not sure you would be able to do that.
Are there other groups in your area that may help you in your recovery?
By the way, the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking (you don't even have to identify as an alcoholic). When you share though, most groups ask that discuss your problems as they relate to alcohol. I'm not sure you would be able to do that.
Are there other groups in your area that may help you in your recovery?
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Dans,
There are 12 step groups for many different addictions, and life issues. But most of those 12 step organizations do not have face to face meetings in most areas, and that is a difficult situation. I use the literature of some of those groups in my recovery because I CAN identify with it, and because it is so important to find a group I can identify with.
It sounds like you are benefitting greatly by applying the 12 steps in your life. I suggest you scout around online first to find a 12 step organization that is tailored to your issue, and then, from there see if there are local meetings, phone, skype or web meetings, or forums, chats etc. Talk to your therapist and see if they are aware of any meetings in your area. Some localities have generic 12 step meetings. I have not attended any,but I know they exist.
Recovery is available to those who seek it. I am not AA and will not speak to that particular issue. But from what you have shared here, it appears you know you have an issue and you are willing to put yourself aside and turn your will and life over to the care of a HP. I believe that your coming here and sharing this issue is a sign of that, and that if you continue to seek and pray, you will find that all the resources you need to recover are available to you.
That is what I am finding in my own life, even though they are not available in the form of convenient face to face meetings. I keep moving forward in my recovery, trusting that if I take the next step, the tools will be provided.
There are 12 step sponsors with good recovery who are willing and able to sponsor someone in the steps, even if the particular issue is not the same. You can find yourself a sponsor and move forward.
I am glad you brought up this issue here. It is more common than many people realize, and it is good that we discuss it. We don't have to agree in order to remain in supportive community. We need to be willing to speak, and to listen and consider.
Stick around.
There are 12 step groups for many different addictions, and life issues. But most of those 12 step organizations do not have face to face meetings in most areas, and that is a difficult situation. I use the literature of some of those groups in my recovery because I CAN identify with it, and because it is so important to find a group I can identify with.
It sounds like you are benefitting greatly by applying the 12 steps in your life. I suggest you scout around online first to find a 12 step organization that is tailored to your issue, and then, from there see if there are local meetings, phone, skype or web meetings, or forums, chats etc. Talk to your therapist and see if they are aware of any meetings in your area. Some localities have generic 12 step meetings. I have not attended any,but I know they exist.
Recovery is available to those who seek it. I am not AA and will not speak to that particular issue. But from what you have shared here, it appears you know you have an issue and you are willing to put yourself aside and turn your will and life over to the care of a HP. I believe that your coming here and sharing this issue is a sign of that, and that if you continue to seek and pray, you will find that all the resources you need to recover are available to you.
That is what I am finding in my own life, even though they are not available in the form of convenient face to face meetings. I keep moving forward in my recovery, trusting that if I take the next step, the tools will be provided.
There are 12 step sponsors with good recovery who are willing and able to sponsor someone in the steps, even if the particular issue is not the same. You can find yourself a sponsor and move forward.
I am glad you brought up this issue here. It is more common than many people realize, and it is good that we discuss it. We don't have to agree in order to remain in supportive community. We need to be willing to speak, and to listen and consider.
Stick around.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Originally Posted by dans
I regret starting this thread (but I think something good may come from it) and I wish I could delete it before it devolves into arguments!
Thanks.
Thanks.
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 609
I think you should look for an alternative support group that is more appropriate. The whole basis of a 12 step AA meeting is solidarity of alcoholics in a fellowship that is private - they highly value the integrity of their program.
When I first read the topic, I was wondering if maybe you thought you had some problem with alcohol but were not a 'bona fide' alcoholic, whatever that is. AA is for anyone who wishes to stop drinking.
If it's spiritual fellowship you are looking for, I get that from my church fellowship, but there are certain things I only find easy to open up about with fellow alcoholics. Not trying to push you there but if it's the Higher Power/spirituality that you are seeking maybe that is a place to start. All the best, you asked a legitimate question.
When I first read the topic, I was wondering if maybe you thought you had some problem with alcohol but were not a 'bona fide' alcoholic, whatever that is. AA is for anyone who wishes to stop drinking.
If it's spiritual fellowship you are looking for, I get that from my church fellowship, but there are certain things I only find easy to open up about with fellow alcoholics. Not trying to push you there but if it's the Higher Power/spirituality that you are seeking maybe that is a place to start. All the best, you asked a legitimate question.
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