What if I'm the only person who thinks I have a problem?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Brooklyn, New York
Posts: 2
What if I'm the only person who thinks I have a problem?
Hi I'm new here. About 1 hour new. Sober for 2 days.
I am sick of the same problems over and over. About a month ago I tried to start implementing a 3 drink max. It didn't work, same blackouts, dangerous situations, all day hangovers, and saying hurtful things to those that I love the most.
I'm young and all of my friends go through similar things, so now I am telling them that I want to get sober, but they think I'm being too hard on myself.
I can't use other people as a comparison. If I lose my job, my boyfriend, or worse, it's all on me. This is a new thing for me so I'm not sure how to approach it. Is it possible to play off my sobriety in a nonchalant way? Or do I need to make them understand that I think this is a real problem?
I am sick of the same problems over and over. About a month ago I tried to start implementing a 3 drink max. It didn't work, same blackouts, dangerous situations, all day hangovers, and saying hurtful things to those that I love the most.
I'm young and all of my friends go through similar things, so now I am telling them that I want to get sober, but they think I'm being too hard on myself.
I can't use other people as a comparison. If I lose my job, my boyfriend, or worse, it's all on me. This is a new thing for me so I'm not sure how to approach it. Is it possible to play off my sobriety in a nonchalant way? Or do I need to make them understand that I think this is a real problem?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,247
Hi sillybee...Welcome! I struggled for a while (2 years) debating, do I have a problem? ect. The whole time I can say 2 things with certainty.
1/ My drinking increased from several times a week to almost daily.
2/ Inside I knew, just knew, this was not right and I had a problem with alcohol. I avoiding dealing with it, but I knew at some point I would have to. That time is now.
I know now I have a problem. For me it is how to successfully deal with it.
What do you feel inside? Like you said 'its all on you' only you are responsible for your actions, and its your life. Would it be uncomforatble for you to go 30 days and abstain? Try it!
Keep posting, you will find lots of support here.
Jim
1/ My drinking increased from several times a week to almost daily.
2/ Inside I knew, just knew, this was not right and I had a problem with alcohol. I avoiding dealing with it, but I knew at some point I would have to. That time is now.
I know now I have a problem. For me it is how to successfully deal with it.
What do you feel inside? Like you said 'its all on you' only you are responsible for your actions, and its your life. Would it be uncomforatble for you to go 30 days and abstain? Try it!
Keep posting, you will find lots of support here.
Jim
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,870
The ONLY opinion that matters in this situation is yours. There is absolutely nothing wrong with deciding that you just drink too much and want to quit. Friends may have their own reasons for saying that you're being too hard on yourself.
Welcome to SR! You'll find a lot of support for living a sober life here.
Welcome to SR! You'll find a lot of support for living a sober life here.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome to SR, good of you to be concerned at a young age about your drinking before this problem gets out of hand.
As difficult as this may sound, you may have to find friends that don't focus their social activities around alcohol. There is too much peer pressure to "go along with the crowd" when you are young. By wanting to get sober yourself, you are turning the spotlight on their drinking and they probably don't want to look at their own problems.
As difficult as this may sound, you may have to find friends that don't focus their social activities around alcohol. There is too much peer pressure to "go along with the crowd" when you are young. By wanting to get sober yourself, you are turning the spotlight on their drinking and they probably don't want to look at their own problems.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Brooklyn, New York
Posts: 2
Thank you for your quick responses! I did quit for 2 months this summer, but I was so proud of myself for getting to that point that I decided to drink to celebrate (stupid!). It's more of a problem of not knowing when to stop and going too overboard. That is why I know I need to give it up completely. If I don't have 1 drink, I can't have 7. Happy to be here. Day 2 and counting!
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
Oddly enough, it seems that I recognized I had a problem with alcohol long before anyone else even suspected it, and in fact when I announced I wanted to quit a lot of my friends pooh-poohed the idea and my concerns, but that just goes to show what kind of "friends" those folks really were.
I think a lot of people that used to know the partier that we once were don't want us to tackle our addictions because they are in denial about their own problems with drinking. Nobody likes to lose a drinking buddy.
Don't let anyone fool you, though. Drinking to the point of blacking out is not normal, healthy or acceptable in any social circle you could hang out with. The best thing you can do is to lose the friends that don't support you quitting and make new friends in recovery.
Oh, and FWIW, the "friends" that I had that downplayed my drinking problem didn't stick around. I've been sober for 8 months and I'd say I only stay in touch with one or two of my old friends.
I think a lot of people that used to know the partier that we once were don't want us to tackle our addictions because they are in denial about their own problems with drinking. Nobody likes to lose a drinking buddy.
Don't let anyone fool you, though. Drinking to the point of blacking out is not normal, healthy or acceptable in any social circle you could hang out with. The best thing you can do is to lose the friends that don't support you quitting and make new friends in recovery.
Oh, and FWIW, the "friends" that I had that downplayed my drinking problem didn't stick around. I've been sober for 8 months and I'd say I only stay in touch with one or two of my old friends.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Other people don't know when you are hungry or have to pee or feel an itch either. They don't know, they don't live in your skin. Follow your own knowing. Don't worry about trying to convince them.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Alabama
Posts: 226
Trust your instincts. You know your own body and mind better than anybody. Don't let your friends talk you out of it like I did in the past. I wish I would have stopped when I first thought I had a problem.
Oh and Josh's experience with friends is the same as my own. The real ones will want you to quit. The rest, well, I don't see them much anymore and I can't say I don't like it.
Oh and Josh's experience with friends is the same as my own. The real ones will want you to quit. The rest, well, I don't see them much anymore and I can't say I don't like it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,410
If you think you have a drinking problem then most likely you do. Even though your friends don't think so it comes down to you if your drinking is making your life worst and not better. For me it's different most people think I had a drinking problem but I would drink 20 bottles a night for 4 days straight. Better off trying to stay sober then fighting it 5 years later. The longer you wait the hard it is to stay sober.
It's like throwing a dart at a dart board. You will not hit the bullseye at first but after sometime you will hit it. AKA DUI, health issues and friends/family problems.
Good luck and welcome to SR
It's like throwing a dart at a dart board. You will not hit the bullseye at first but after sometime you will hit it. AKA DUI, health issues and friends/family problems.
Good luck and welcome to SR
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: La-La Land! :)
Posts: 136
There seems to be quite a few of us young-ins on here (I'm 27), that all are in a similar situation. I've told a few of my friends I think I am an alcoholic and I am quitting drinking and their response is always, great, but not forever right?!? For a while, I thrived on them saying that, because I dont think I wanted to quit. I went to my 2nd AA meeting today. It's good to hear others stories and what this disease can lead to. For now I'm observing and preparing, but there is NO question is my mind that me and alcohol are not friends and will be parting ways in the very near future. Good luck to you!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
Posts: 3,680
Your recovery is for you to know about and for others to find out about after the fact, preferably by observation and not by announcement. Do what you need to do for yourself, and don't worry about what others think regarding personal decisions that affect you more than anyone else. Trust your instincts.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 325
My friends and I were all very similar. Drank way too much, blackouts, all day hangovers. When I woke up and my roommate was puking, it made it alright in my mind that I was ok for puking too. I fell into the trap of comparing myself to other alcoholics, which made me think I wasn't an alcoholic. Funny how ironic that is.
I had to break out of my old thinking and stop comparing myself to others. It was always easy to tell myself that I was better than him so I'm fine. The problem was I kept running out of people to find "lower" than me, so then I was just into "oh well" mode.
Get sober for you because heavy drinkers will never think you are that bad.
I had to break out of my old thinking and stop comparing myself to others. It was always easy to tell myself that I was better than him so I'm fine. The problem was I kept running out of people to find "lower" than me, so then I was just into "oh well" mode.
Get sober for you because heavy drinkers will never think you are that bad.
*Grateful*
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,619
Good question. See, only you know the "real" you. only you know that when you wake up in the morning you cannot remember things. No one else is in your head.
The last time I got sober almost a year ago noone knew but me. My husband had NO IDEA I was using again. He didn't need to know my every experience, nor did he want to. I did tell him the other day I was coming up on a year and he high fived me.
He was very supportive in my early recovery, but he never asked any questions.
No one really knows us, but us.
Welcome aboard! Lily
The last time I got sober almost a year ago noone knew but me. My husband had NO IDEA I was using again. He didn't need to know my every experience, nor did he want to. I did tell him the other day I was coming up on a year and he high fived me.
He was very supportive in my early recovery, but he never asked any questions. No one really knows us, but us.
Welcome aboard! Lily
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Midwest U.S.A.
Posts: 130
Can't say much more than others commenting above but I just wanted to add that I had the same reaction from a couple of my friends that I don't consider heavy drinkers and it baffled me for awhile as to why they didn't see the problem I so clearly know in my heart that I have. For now, I have found it easier just not to try to explain myself any further to them and only state the fact that I'm not drinking ever again and that's that.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
So...what IF you are the only person who thinks you have a problem? Who do you trust more...drinking friends or you're own heart?
I went for years (I drank for 30 years) trying to hide my true lust for booze. Always topping off my glass when no one was looking. Hiding bottles, adding water, had a decoy bottle...who was I fooling?
I'd wake up in the morning in such a shameful aweful state of guilt. I was really only hurting myself in the long run.
Funny thing was...when I lost my job and quit drinking...I finally told my parents and brother that I was an alcoholic. Hmph, no one knew. They knew I drank but had no idea of the intensity.
Do it for yourself, sillybee. You have to live with you and the decisions you make no one else. This is your life, your journey and your heart that needs the healing.
Wishing you peace and strength.
I went for years (I drank for 30 years) trying to hide my true lust for booze. Always topping off my glass when no one was looking. Hiding bottles, adding water, had a decoy bottle...who was I fooling?
I'd wake up in the morning in such a shameful aweful state of guilt. I was really only hurting myself in the long run.
Funny thing was...when I lost my job and quit drinking...I finally told my parents and brother that I was an alcoholic. Hmph, no one knew. They knew I drank but had no idea of the intensity.
Do it for yourself, sillybee. You have to live with you and the decisions you make no one else. This is your life, your journey and your heart that needs the healing.
Wishing you peace and strength.
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