CriticalMass

And didn't drink!!! Woohoo! I figured it would probably be in my best interest to stay away from the scene...but I've always loved the lights and the dancing and conversation. I had an absolute blast and drank nothing but diet coke (and spent way less than I normally would!) I choose not to judge my friends because they drink. My non-drinking friends accepted me when I was a heavy drinker so I figure I owe the same amount of acceptance to my drinking friends. I had no temptation whatsoever. In fact...seeing a few drunk stumbling, slurring, passing out people helped solidify the idea that I have made the right decision.

RV GTO

Well done

I've been to only a couple and didn't drink either. Like you, seeing the drunks making fools of themselves actually turned me off.

Congrats!!

bozboz

That is awesome, CM!

I don't have the faith in myself just yet, as you do.

I'm glad you had a good time.

mwstylee

CriticalMass - I have to go to the bar next week for a client's requested happy hour and was looking for some advice from you. I've known this client for a while and I usually get quite drunk at these work events.

Did anyone question you or give you a weird look when all you ordered was a coke? I anticipate feeling very strange walking up to the bar and just saying I'll have a coke.

CRAZE

I went to bar thursday to meet a few friends who I ride motorcycles with. This was the first time I met with them since quitting alcohol. They are not heavy drinkers but do drink. I was more uncomfortable explaining why I quit drinking (dwi) than the not drinking it's self. They were all very supportive and non judgemental. I ended up having a good time and only drank pepsi and ate the free buffet they had that night. I spent $2.50 instead of the usual $30. I meet with this group every two weeks at this bar. I still don't think I'll be going back to my usual hangouts around town where I regularly got my drink on with people who the only thing I had in common with was drinking, but I can go to a bar to meet my real friends once in a while and not drink as long as I can get something to eat while Im there.

CriticalMass

I wouldn't advocate lying, but there's always saying you're on anti-biotics or another medication that doesn't allow you to drink. You can let them know that you're driving and would rather be safe than sorry. No one gave me any weird looks. In fact, the bartender gave me the first diet coke for free and spent the night talking to me about how ridiculously drunk these people were getting and how they should learn some control.

Dee74

It's really not something I recommend.

I went to many bars when quitting - didn't drink, then went home and drank, or drank the next day or drank the next time I went to a bar....

I'm glad it turned out OK, but I'd caution ppl in early recovery to be careful - don't underestimate the relentlessness of your addiction, or the need to make changes in your life.

D

sugarbear1

I know many bikers who don't drink. It can be done.

TheTinMan

Job well done!

How far are you into recovery?

It took me a good 8 to 9 months before I could go back out and check out the music scene. And live music is my only attraction to a bar or club. Also I only go with people I'm comfortable with and those that know I don't drink. And I always have an escape plan.

LaFemme

Well done!

But...I'm with Dee...be careful in early recovery about spending a lot of time in bars. I have been to a bar maybe once Or twice in 16 months for work obligations.

That said...the handful of times I've been around people drinking heavily since getting sober it has had a reinforcing effect for me.

Gerbosko

@CriticalMass - I was thinking if I should reply or not.

After I quit alcohol, I went to a bar nine days later because that was the day I cashed my check and went and drank alcohol. I was confident that I wouldn't drink alcohol and I never did nor did I have a temptation. I left the bar with my head up and really happy of my accomplishments as you can see in my post HERE

In another reply a little down the road I admitted that I was over-confident, not thinking it over, and thinking that it was easy to walk in and out of a bar sober. When I was making that reply, I felt that my over-confident nature was going to ruin me sooner or later if I didn't change it.

Thankfully I changed and finally realized how very precious recovery is. Instead of "proving" my sobriety by walking in a bar, I proved my sobriety in other healthier ways (walking, jogging...).


EDIT - Found my second post, it's the very last thing I said in my reply. Found HERE

Anna

Gerbosko, that is an excellent post.

And, I agree with Dee. I don't think it's a good idea to feel confident. Alcoholism blind-sided me more than once, so I decided to be very careful.

eJoshua

Good for you, I'm glad you stayed sober. I don't really see the point of hanging out in bars if you're not going to drink, though. Isn't that sort of like hanging around the crack house without smoking crack? OK, maybe that's kind of extreme, but I think you know what I mean.

TheTinMan

You got that right. I can look at someone that is blitzed and thank God I'm not going to feel like them in the morning.

Seared

I get the occasional look or question, but they're easy enough to brush off. Sure it's slightly unusual to go to a bar and get non-alcoholic drinks, but that doesn't turn you into a science exhibit. Of course the best answer is to avoid those types of situations, but for the other times, you have a few options:

Be straightforward about it - "nah, I'm quitting, already drank enough for one lifetime"

Bluff - "Nah, I'm driving, better not."

Make up a ******** story - "Have to go to a play with the significant other later"

I remember back in college, where it seemed like if you weren't drinking, you were "that guy", or "the sober kid".

In real life I felt like the approach to alcohol is quite different... rather than "going out to drink", where that's the primary event, it's usually a get-together/picnic/event, with alcohol there on the side.

It takes some getting used to, but not much. You'll manage.

CriticalMass

I suppose I shouldn't be prideful. It is hard to find live music in a small town that's not in a bar scene though. Not trying to advocate it. Sorry.

WhiteKnuckles

I have gone to a bar a couple times the past 36 days, each time to meet a girlfriend and get caught up. I didn't feel comfortable so I understand what some of you mean about that not being a good idea. On the upside, the bartender did not charge me for any of my diet cokes.

I have told just about everyone that I quit drinking. I thought about making up a reason but why should I? I just tell them that the accident really scared me straight and since then I am enjoying the benefits of an alcohol free life. I am really hoping this will help my heavy drinking friends to try to give it a rest too, or at the very least, stop driving drunk.

Anyway I think it's cool you could go to the bar and have a blast without drinking, hope I can do that someday too. Best wishes!

WK

soberred

I go out to listen to bands play every other weekend. I order diet coke or pepsi. No one looks at me strange or asks questions. Even the bartender that used to serve me didn't question what was up. (I am sure she probably guessed it). I do notice people having cokes a lot. Not every one drinks. If someone says anything, just say you are driving. I have to say that I haven't once had a stranger question me. Of coarse it took me 3 months before I could go into a bar. I am strong about it but some people may not be able to handle it for quite some time.

Pigtails

I struggle a lot with the idea of going to bars and not drinking. In the past, it has been the source of my relapses, because I thought I was strong enough to handle it, or had handled it successfully on previous occassions, but it just built up and I cracked. I have posted before about not drinking or wanting to drink while being around alcohol once, twice, three times... and then at a certain point it just got too hard and I either caved or really struggled, causing me to think, why did I put myself in that situation? I was just asking for it. That is not being good to myself or cherishing my sobriety.

On the other hand, most of my friends, family members and people I know in general drink. I have cut out the hard-core party friends (or they have cut me out now that I don't drink), but most everyone else is still a "normal" or "heavy" drinker and it doesn't seem practical or desirable to cut everyone out of my life completely (or even possible... i.e. close family members) and I also don't want to never see them or never be social etc. Often it's not even like I make a "choice" to go out with them, but more like there is alcohol present when hanging out with them at home, or they all order drinks at restaurants and offer me some, etc.

I'm on Day 29 right now and have had better success by telling people I'm not drinking (although I say it's because of an anxiety-related sleep disorder, which is true, instead of the whole truth... only a few people in my life know the whole story), and sticking to it no matter how many times they offer/press alcohol. And I usually have my boyfriend there, who does know the whole story and is supportive, although, obviously he couldn't stop me from drinking and wouldn't even try/want to stop me. So sometimes it feels like a heavy task and for me right now being anywhere around alcohol makes me jumpy. I would prefer to hang out with friends where there is no alcohol but it seems impossible where I live! I enjoy dancing and one day I would like to be able to go out and dance without worrying about alcohol being there, but I'm not there yet. So for now I try to avoid it but also realize life is life and people are people and I can only be accountable for my own actions and choices. One of my goals is to make friends who don't drink (through AA, "church" although I'm not religious, and hobbies that don't involve drinking, like running and writing), so that I won't always have this problem when hanging out with friends! But it does seem very hard to meet friends who don't drink at all so I am aiming for that in AA, where obviously people don't drink and can relate to my struggle.

Best wishes to you, it's an individual choice but I would definitely caution you against thinking you are strong enough to withstand it, because that kind of thinking often lets us down. Have back up plans in place and someone you can call if you feel tempted.

mwstylee

Thanks for the advice to those that posted. For some reason I just have it cemented in my mind that people will think I'm crazy ... like they're thinking "you lunatic...why are you in a bar if all you're going to order is a friggin 7-Up?"