Admitting it will make it worse?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 6
Admitting it will make it worse?
Hi guys,
I'm new here. I've had a mixed bag of drinking mishaps, blunders, upsets and a couple of triumphs. I've always drunk, ever since I could get served in bars. Over the years though I started to become the worst drunk i.e. if there was drinking to be done you could be guaranteed I would be the liability. I'm not a nice person when I drink. Took me 17 years to admit to that but eventually I did.
The weird thing is, I could never tell when that side would come out. Sometimes I could have a couple of beers and be fine. Other times a couple of beers would lead to a total blowout; I'd be obnoxious, offensive, violent or any mix of the three, and the whole experience would usually be accompanied with a complete blackout so I couldn't even apologise properly for what I had or hadn't done.
Enough became enough and eventually I sought help. I just wanted to talk to someone and cut down on my drinking. Now here's the rub. Going to seek a counsellor meant I had admitted I had a problem with drinking. That was 3 months ago. It was almost like something cracked and now that I'd admitted it I may as well go along with it. So I went berserk. Let's see what being a full blown alcoholic is like.
The last three months have been horrible. And finally, I had my first full day black out. I don't remember leaving the bar on a Friday, and I woke up Sunday fully convinced it was Saturday. When I found out it was in fact Sunday I was mortified. And checking the destruction in my apartment it seemed all it took was 3 bottles of red to keep me blacked out for a whole day. I have no idea what I did, who I spoke to, where I went. However, I had made some carrot and ginger soup, which still sat, uneaten but warm, on the stove.
So that was it. I've been sober 5 days now.
Does it always get worse after you admit you have a problem? Has anyone else experienced anything similar? You finally hold your hand up and say, "Okay, you were right, I'm an alcoholic" and then REALLY lose it?
Judging by how I feel sober, I'm not addicted to alcohol. I have no withdrawals. I'm just eating a lot of junk, presumably to replace the calories I'm no longer drinking. I may well get fat. Makes me wonder if my drinking is a psychological thing or actual alcoholism. Maybe I'm just a problem drinker? Maybe I'm just a d@!k when I'm drunk?
So the 5 days sober is part of THE THIRTY. I found a thing on line called Moderation Management. Helps you cut down your drinking but the first step is 30 days on the wagon. 1/6 of the way through and coasting.
I'm new here. I've had a mixed bag of drinking mishaps, blunders, upsets and a couple of triumphs. I've always drunk, ever since I could get served in bars. Over the years though I started to become the worst drunk i.e. if there was drinking to be done you could be guaranteed I would be the liability. I'm not a nice person when I drink. Took me 17 years to admit to that but eventually I did.
The weird thing is, I could never tell when that side would come out. Sometimes I could have a couple of beers and be fine. Other times a couple of beers would lead to a total blowout; I'd be obnoxious, offensive, violent or any mix of the three, and the whole experience would usually be accompanied with a complete blackout so I couldn't even apologise properly for what I had or hadn't done.
Enough became enough and eventually I sought help. I just wanted to talk to someone and cut down on my drinking. Now here's the rub. Going to seek a counsellor meant I had admitted I had a problem with drinking. That was 3 months ago. It was almost like something cracked and now that I'd admitted it I may as well go along with it. So I went berserk. Let's see what being a full blown alcoholic is like.
The last three months have been horrible. And finally, I had my first full day black out. I don't remember leaving the bar on a Friday, and I woke up Sunday fully convinced it was Saturday. When I found out it was in fact Sunday I was mortified. And checking the destruction in my apartment it seemed all it took was 3 bottles of red to keep me blacked out for a whole day. I have no idea what I did, who I spoke to, where I went. However, I had made some carrot and ginger soup, which still sat, uneaten but warm, on the stove.
So that was it. I've been sober 5 days now.
Does it always get worse after you admit you have a problem? Has anyone else experienced anything similar? You finally hold your hand up and say, "Okay, you were right, I'm an alcoholic" and then REALLY lose it?
Judging by how I feel sober, I'm not addicted to alcohol. I have no withdrawals. I'm just eating a lot of junk, presumably to replace the calories I'm no longer drinking. I may well get fat. Makes me wonder if my drinking is a psychological thing or actual alcoholism. Maybe I'm just a problem drinker? Maybe I'm just a d@!k when I'm drunk?
So the 5 days sober is part of THE THIRTY. I found a thing on line called Moderation Management. Helps you cut down your drinking but the first step is 30 days on the wagon. 1/6 of the way through and coasting.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 71
I used to think the way you do, but overtime the blackouts got worse and the frequency grew until I realized that I was fooling myself and that I am surely an alcoholic! That is me! I tried moderation, I tried social drink but after awhile it just became a 7 day a week obssession. My goal is to never drink again because that isthe only thing I think will help me! Good luck!
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
That you would even contemplate moderating your drinking speaks to the insanity of alcohol. If you get through these 30 days, do yourself a favor...do 30 more.
As to your question, "Does it always get worse after you admit you have a problem?" we just had a thread on that a couple days ago, people blaming the disease and using it as an excuse for not seeking recovery. Yes its done. To me that's just the addictive mind finding an excuse to use.
good luck
As to your question, "Does it always get worse after you admit you have a problem?" we just had a thread on that a couple days ago, people blaming the disease and using it as an excuse for not seeking recovery. Yes its done. To me that's just the addictive mind finding an excuse to use.
good luck
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 6
Wow, I wasn't expecting replies so quickly. And I hope I haven't put anyone's nose out of joint. Thank you for the "Good Lucks" too. I hope I make it through these 30 days as well. It's totally a personal challenge now, and the first time I've quit for me and no one else.
I guess what I find fascinating is that admitting you have 'the disease' means for some people you then submit to it fully. Almost like it's the final hurdle before seeking recovery. I wonder if anyone has admitted their problem and then just gone all the way with it? I'm sure it happens and it's sad to think so. Just hope I'm not one of them.
I guess what I find fascinating is that admitting you have 'the disease' means for some people you then submit to it fully. Almost like it's the final hurdle before seeking recovery. I wonder if anyone has admitted their problem and then just gone all the way with it? I'm sure it happens and it's sad to think so. Just hope I'm not one of them.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Originally Posted by Ojaybee
I found a thing on line called Moderation Management. Helps you cut down your drinking but the first step is 30 days on the wagon.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,954
Knowing that I had an alcohol problem and I needed to do something about it was all that mattered to me. With an untreated alcohol problem I never knew when I would drink, how much I would consume and for how long I would be doing it.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome to the forum, Ojaybee -
I found that trying to moderate my drinking often led to blowout. My willpower only lasted so long....... I'd get sick of fighting it and sooner or later give in to the urge to drink "freely." It was like I deserved a break.......
Admitting my alcoholism was a big step for me which led to my decision to get sober, but it didn't make the cravings go away. For that, I needed help/support on a daily basis.
I'm glad you're here - keep reading and know that if we can do it, so can you!
I found that trying to moderate my drinking often led to blowout. My willpower only lasted so long....... I'd get sick of fighting it and sooner or later give in to the urge to drink "freely." It was like I deserved a break.......
Admitting my alcoholism was a big step for me which led to my decision to get sober, but it didn't make the cravings go away. For that, I needed help/support on a daily basis.
I'm glad you're here - keep reading and know that if we can do it, so can you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 6
Originally Posted by 1undone 
Many times it's been said, "this is the only disease that makes you think you don't have a disease."
If you ask someone if they're an alcoholic and they say no does that make them an alcoholic? If so, the only people that aren't alcoholics are those that admit they are.
It's akin to cops winding people up by telling perfectly calm, rational people to calm down.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
yeah...and if a tree falls in the woods and no one is around it hear it....does it make a sound? LOL c'mon now...a 24 hour blackout is a 24 hour blackout...that's a serious impediment to living life, any which way you slice it. Call it this, call it that, call it what you like. The only way to guarantee no more blacking out is to never put alcohol in your body. Anything else is a gamble. Are you willing to lose?
and btw, not everyone subscribes to the disease model of addiction. Many, many quit successfully without labeling it a disease. You don't have to believe that to have complete lifelong abstinence, which for me was the only way to stop my addiction to alcohol.
I'm glad you're here. I hope you find peace on your journey.
and btw, not everyone subscribes to the disease model of addiction. Many, many quit successfully without labeling it a disease. You don't have to believe that to have complete lifelong abstinence, which for me was the only way to stop my addiction to alcohol.
I'm glad you're here. I hope you find peace on your journey.
Encourager In Training
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: KS
Posts: 717
Originally Posted by Ojaybee
This must be a common argument, but saying denial is a symptom is flawed. I've never denied I have a problem with alcohol. Ever.
If you ask someone if they're an alcoholic and they say no does that make them an alcoholic? If so, the only people that aren't alcoholics are those that admit they are.
If you ask someone if they're an alcoholic and they say no does that make them an alcoholic? If so, the only people that aren't alcoholics are those that admit they are.
Ojaybee, welcome!
If logical flaws are your stumbling block, would it not be fallacious to assume one must exhibit ALL symptoms of a malady in order to have said malady?
While your contrapositive might be structurally correct, it is factually built upon the sand.
Just respectfully trying to offer some food for thought.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,138
Hi Ojaybee, and welcome!
Doesn't sound like it went so well! A full day black out -- that has to be very scary.
Withdrawals aren't the only sign of addiction. They can definitely vary from person to person.
If you could never tell which side would come out, then how is is that you hope MM will help? Do you really enjoy having a couple of beers, or do you enjoy having a lot more?
Of course you're coasting, cause you know you can drink in 25 days. You're accustomed to that feeling, because we've all done it -- known that we could drink come the weekend, when work got out, when a trip ended, etc.
I have to be honest and say your post sounds a bit like the classic "I've been sober a week and it isn't even that hard so I don't have a problem" post. Been there, done that. It may or may not be true for you, but I'd be cautious of that line of thinking.
I think if you're going to do thirty days sober I'd at least do it with an open mind to staying sober. Simply holding your breath doesn't tell you anything other than that you can hold your breath.
Best of luck to you in whatever you decide. And do keep posting and letting us know how it's going!
Originally Posted by Ojaybee
Let's see what being a full blown alcoholic is like.
Originally Posted by Ojaybee
Judging by how I feel sober, I'm not addicted to alcohol. I have no withdrawals.
Originally Posted by Ojaybee
The weird thing is, I could never tell when that side would come out. Sometimes I could have a couple of beers and be fine. Other times a couple of beers would lead to a total blowout; I'd be obnoxious, offensive, violent or any mix of the three.
Originally Posted by Ojaybee
1/6 of the way through and coasting.
I have to be honest and say your post sounds a bit like the classic "I've been sober a week and it isn't even that hard so I don't have a problem" post. Been there, done that. It may or may not be true for you, but I'd be cautious of that line of thinking.
I think if you're going to do thirty days sober I'd at least do it with an open mind to staying sober. Simply holding your breath doesn't tell you anything other than that you can hold your breath.
Best of luck to you in whatever you decide. And do keep posting and letting us know how it's going!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
Originally Posted by Ojaybee
Judging by how I feel sober, I'm not addicted to alcohol. I have no withdrawals.
Many people stop drinking with little or no physical issues. It's the mental aspect that can be the most difficult.
I had blackouts at the end of my drinking days. I had hours in the evenings that I wouldn't remember. All these years later, I still shudder when I think of those times. I will never know what I did in those blackouts. Having a 24-hour blackout is a huge things.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Originally Posted by Ojaybee
Hi guys,
I'm new here. I've had a mixed bag of drinking mishaps, blunders, upsets and a couple of triumphs. I've always drunk, ever since I could get served in bars. Over the years though I started to become the worst drunk i.e. if there was drinking to be done you could be guaranteed I would be the liability. I'm not a nice person when I drink. Took me 17 years to admit to that but eventually I did.
The weird thing is, I could never tell when that side would come out. Sometimes I could have a couple of beers and be fine. Other times a couple of beers would lead to a total blowout; I'd be obnoxious, offensive, violent or any mix of the three, and the whole experience would usually be accompanied with a complete blackout so I couldn't even apologise properly for what I had or hadn't done.
Enough became enough and eventually I sought help. I just wanted to talk to someone and cut down on my drinking. Now here's the rub. Going to seek a counsellor meant I had admitted I had a problem with drinking. That was 3 months ago. It was almost like something cracked and now that I'd admitted it I may as well go along with it. So I went berserk. Let's see what being a full blown alcoholic is like.
The last three months have been horrible. And finally, I had my first full day black out. I don't remember leaving the bar on a Friday, and I woke up Sunday fully convinced it was Saturday. When I found out it was in fact Sunday I was mortified. And checking the destruction in my apartment it seemed all it took was 3 bottles of red to keep me blacked out for a whole day. I have no idea what I did, who I spoke to, where I went. However, I had made some carrot and ginger soup, which still sat, uneaten but warm, on the stove.
So that was it. I've been sober 5 days now.
Does it always get worse after you admit you have a problem? Has anyone else experienced anything similar? You finally hold your hand up and say, "Okay, you were right, I'm an alcoholic" and then REALLY lose it?
Judging by how I feel sober, I'm not addicted to alcohol. I have no withdrawals. I'm just eating a lot of junk, presumably to replace the calories I'm no longer drinking. I may well get fat. Makes me wonder if my drinking is a psychological thing or actual alcoholism. Maybe I'm just a problem drinker? Maybe I'm just a d@!k when I'm drunk?
So the 5 days sober is part of THE THIRTY. I found a thing on line called Moderation Management. Helps you cut down your drinking but the first step is 30 days on the wagon. 1/6 of the way through and coasting.
I'm new here. I've had a mixed bag of drinking mishaps, blunders, upsets and a couple of triumphs. I've always drunk, ever since I could get served in bars. Over the years though I started to become the worst drunk i.e. if there was drinking to be done you could be guaranteed I would be the liability. I'm not a nice person when I drink. Took me 17 years to admit to that but eventually I did.
The weird thing is, I could never tell when that side would come out. Sometimes I could have a couple of beers and be fine. Other times a couple of beers would lead to a total blowout; I'd be obnoxious, offensive, violent or any mix of the three, and the whole experience would usually be accompanied with a complete blackout so I couldn't even apologise properly for what I had or hadn't done.
Enough became enough and eventually I sought help. I just wanted to talk to someone and cut down on my drinking. Now here's the rub. Going to seek a counsellor meant I had admitted I had a problem with drinking. That was 3 months ago. It was almost like something cracked and now that I'd admitted it I may as well go along with it. So I went berserk. Let's see what being a full blown alcoholic is like.
The last three months have been horrible. And finally, I had my first full day black out. I don't remember leaving the bar on a Friday, and I woke up Sunday fully convinced it was Saturday. When I found out it was in fact Sunday I was mortified. And checking the destruction in my apartment it seemed all it took was 3 bottles of red to keep me blacked out for a whole day. I have no idea what I did, who I spoke to, where I went. However, I had made some carrot and ginger soup, which still sat, uneaten but warm, on the stove.
So that was it. I've been sober 5 days now.
Does it always get worse after you admit you have a problem? Has anyone else experienced anything similar? You finally hold your hand up and say, "Okay, you were right, I'm an alcoholic" and then REALLY lose it?
Judging by how I feel sober, I'm not addicted to alcohol. I have no withdrawals. I'm just eating a lot of junk, presumably to replace the calories I'm no longer drinking. I may well get fat. Makes me wonder if my drinking is a psychological thing or actual alcoholism. Maybe I'm just a problem drinker? Maybe I'm just a d@!k when I'm drunk?
So the 5 days sober is part of THE THIRTY. I found a thing on line called Moderation Management. Helps you cut down your drinking but the first step is 30 days on the wagon. 1/6 of the way through and coasting.
I tried moderating and controlling the amount I drank, but once my brain was on the warpath like that, nothing could stop it.
lillyknitting
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Loughton, Essex, England
Posts: 638
I would say you are an alcoholic. Do you think that is normal? Does it really matter what label they give it, I say I hate what drink did to me, I don't want that life any more and sobriety is so wonderful as you never have to feel like that again. Good luck
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Admitting it will not make it worse, if you address it once and for all. If you keep drinking you can anticipate more of the same. Disaster may be not too far away.
Thinking you will be able to moderate after 30 days is totally unrealistic.
Stick around you will learn a lot from the wonderful people here.
Thinking you will be able to moderate after 30 days is totally unrealistic.
Stick around you will learn a lot from the wonderful people here.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Welcome ojaybee
I think we're all different - for me admitting my alcoholism truly was a weight off my back and the start of my recovery...but I could easily see that for others it might present anger, shame fear or some strong other emotion that could cause a 'FU' reaction.
So drinkings caused problems for you in the past, you don't know exactly when you lose control but when you do you're infamous for it, you recently blacked out for a day, trashed your apartment...
and you're thinking of moderation?
Wouldn't it make sense to excise alcohol from your life - completely?
Why do you think you can't let alcohol go?
D
I think we're all different - for me admitting my alcoholism truly was a weight off my back and the start of my recovery...but I could easily see that for others it might present anger, shame fear or some strong other emotion that could cause a 'FU' reaction.
So drinkings caused problems for you in the past, you don't know exactly when you lose control but when you do you're infamous for it, you recently blacked out for a day, trashed your apartment...
and you're thinking of moderation?
Wouldn't it make sense to excise alcohol from your life - completely?
Why do you think you can't let alcohol go?
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
OJB, if an alcoholic does or doesn't admit they have a problem their drinking gets worse until they find a way to stay stopped.
Blaming the trouble on your admission instead of your drinking is a form of denial.
Great that you joined MM and are taking the suggested 30 day timeout. As that goes by keep reading what people post to their forum and know that you can expect the same.
Note how many cannot even make a week or two of the 30 day qualifier before getting drunk again, and note how many stay within limits for more a few months at best before getting drunk again. Remember these are real people putting themselves through this terrible ordeal because their desire to return to normal drinking is that important to them. If you have much compassion it may make for very hard reading after a while.
By all means, give it your best shot and gain some understanding from the experience.
Blaming the trouble on your admission instead of your drinking is a form of denial.
Great that you joined MM and are taking the suggested 30 day timeout. As that goes by keep reading what people post to their forum and know that you can expect the same.
Note how many cannot even make a week or two of the 30 day qualifier before getting drunk again, and note how many stay within limits for more a few months at best before getting drunk again. Remember these are real people putting themselves through this terrible ordeal because their desire to return to normal drinking is that important to them. If you have much compassion it may make for very hard reading after a while.
By all means, give it your best shot and gain some understanding from the experience.
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