sugarbear1

The founder of Moderation Management attended AA meetings but never worked the steps.

She developed MM, couldn't follow her own program, then had the accident.

Burt

I envy people who can moderately drink. I can never be one of them. I lost those privileges a long time ago.

Do the 30 days...then try 30yrs maybe.



I've been finding this site a great place for motivation every night when the temptation for drinking rears its ugly head.


Good luck

ddrayer

I had a very similar experience

Itchy

OJB,
So are you looking for a way to keep drinking with moderation or in any case a way to keep drinking when you know you drink to get drunk not for the ambiance?

Or are you looking for a way to stop?

There is no middle ground if you black out and play head games around a romanticized "To drink, or not to drink, that is the question!

Bear in mind we have all traveled the road you're on now. We aren't shrinks or M-deities here. We played the games you are still playing now. We went full circle until we realized the only way to win at this game is not to play.

It's hard to quit. Harder when we refuse to have clear goals, with reservations and conditional sobriety so we can go back and not feel we failed miserably.

I did that for years. Then I got to where I desperately tried to quit every morning for a couple of years as I watched my health slip away. That would have gone on until I died except for one thing. I decided not to.

I hope you do too.

Peter G

As Carl pointed out there's been some threads 'round here mulling over your question @Ojaybee, I also caught one the other day. Many of us feel like by admitting to alcoholic behavior it seems to cause the problem to get worse. It did happen to me also, but only briefly. I call that syndrome just one more in a long line of excuses we use to justify our seemingly insane behavior.

Mind you, this particular excuse can be the biggy, the end all-be all, the absolute easiest one to rely on since it is directly involved with your abuse of alcohol. Works that way because once you've admitted it, there's no need for justifying that oncoming bout of drinking with hours of tiny little excuses, like ... "I deserve this bloody drink because life sucks and because I'm fighting with the wife and because the insurance payment is too expensive, e.t.c...". Now you can just have those drinks because you're sick!!. Added to that, if you were ever struggling with a question of conscience behind a decision to drink, admitting it's a disease can pull any moral stop sign right off your booze-ridden trailblazing.

I found this excuse was easy peezy, best one in my book. It cut out a lot of unnecessary inner struggle and rationalization. I drink because I'm afflicted with something, damn it! It's not my fault, and anyone who expects me to behave differently just doesn't understand. What a crock. I drank because I'm an alcoholic. Full stop. And anyway, figuring out "why" we drink like we do will not solve the problem of alcoholic behavior. So just let the arguments and opinions fly, because disease or not, illness or hedonism, who gives a rats a$$? Just don't drink and you'll find that, magically, all those problems you listed will cease to exist.

One way or another we all find out just how ridiculous the reasons we drank were. Hell, at the end of my dis-ease I didn't require excuses anyway. If I had a hangnail it was a reason to drink. When my hockey team lost I drank. When they won I drank more. Raining out? Hell, it's drinking time. Sunny out? Hell yes! Corona and Jack shots!!! Very last time I needed to think of anything at all - in order to get messed up drunk - it was as bad as it gets... "If today's drinking doesn't kill me, tomorrow I'm drinking."

Oh, and that whole "moderation management" thing? Good luck with that. IMO the person who needs actual help managing moderation has already crossed the line with whatever substance requires such added attention. Logic would back me up on that me thinks. I know most of the hard core drinkers here will tell you the same thing. Moderation management is an exercise in redundancy, and can actually be a dangerous experiment.

miamifella

I was a high functioning addict. I got my masters from an ivy league university, published my first book and was going places when I was an active crack user.

After starting recovery, I lost everything. I hit my bottom in recovery.

But if I had not entered recovery, I probably would still have hit bottom--only I doubt I would have made it out.

Admitting it DOES make it worse. Just like chemo hurts a lot more than the cancer it cures. But feeling worse means you have a possibility of getting better. Not admitting your addiction to alcohol or drugs will help you avoid pain--but it eliminates any chance of getting better.

So which do you want?

gaffo

[QUOTE=Deserto;3191721]Hi Ojaybee, and welcome!


I think if you're going to do thirty days sober I'd at least do it with an open mind to staying sober. Simply holding your breath doesn't tell you anything other than that you can hold your breath.


I agree with Ojaybee. I successfully went a planned month w/o beer a couple of times. I proved that I could do it but it was torture and accomplished nothing except give me the sneaking suspicion that I was indeed an alcoholic. My current attempt (33 days!!!!) I have no timeline like thirty days to declare to anyone. If pressed I say "a year" or "I don't know". To myself, I hope I never take another drink again.

Giving myself an open timeline has made it easier to keep going. I have faith that the days I put in to my sobriety are days that I won't have to deal with again if I can just keep myself from taking another drink. I know what awaits me if I do. I think you do too. I'm kind of at the point where I don't want another drink, I just want to stop thinking about it...

Good Luck!

miamifella

And by the way, Moderation Management still sends a lot of people to AA. They may help some with moderate drinking--but they acknowledge that for many people complete abstinence is the only safe way.

cuyootoo

Great thread you started, ojaybee. It's pretty scary to black out, you could have drank more than just those 3 bottles of red but you don't remember

I can totally understand you wanting to drink again once you are cured of your alcoholism... I feel the same way. But then I remember what my life was like before I stopped drinking and I don't want that back, ever. Once I got used to being sober, it's only been 60 days, alcohol seems a lot easier to live without.

Still though, I think how nice it would be to drink and chat with friends. I know it could be like that for me again, until my drinking progressed back to the gates of hell. I have gone back down that road to drinking at least 4 times. It's always the same, I recover back to a decent human being, then start drinking socially, then drinking in isolation. People just don't like me anymore once I have been drinking daily and heavily for about 3 months.

I throw everything away once I start drinking heavily. Everybody I drink with seems to realize where my alcoholism is going to take me, so they bail out of the relationship because they don't want to go down with me. There must be a better way to fill the void and have fun than drinking alcohol. The price is just to high. And the pay off from alcohol is not nearly good enough. I hope this helps.

Ojaybee

Twelve days in and I feel fine. I've purposefully put myself in situations where I would normally drink alcohol and it's amazing how many people are really supportive when you tell them you're off the sauce. I even got a friend to sponsor me (alright, so it's only for 1 pound but honour is at stake).

I also discovered cobra zero. It's a non alcoholic beer. Very tasty too.

Ojaybee

Hi Deserto. I have tried this before and done as you say above. Done it, well done me, now back to business as usual. thing is this time, the longer I stay sober the more I enjoy it. And I do now have an open mind to sobriety in the long term. I've noticed several little changes that make it all worthwhile and haven't really felt the urge for a drink at all. Any urges have been small and to quell them I just try and remember what I can't remember (i.e. try and tot up all the times I've blacked out).

Anyway, I'm feeling strong and thanks to yourself and the many others that have offered encouragement / food for thought.