13th step?

Old 11-28-2011, 09:52 PM
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13th step?

Got really clost to an oldtimer. It was obvious we were both interested. I made my feelings known and she turned me down. Since then, she won't talk to me and is avoiding me. I have less than a year and although I know there is no dating in the first year, I miss our friendship. I'm not sure if she is avoiding me because of my feelings, or because I have less than a year. What would an oldtimer do if a newcomer wanted to take things further? I'm sure she has discussed this with her sponsor. I'm assuming she would run for the hills. Just confusing because she acted like she was "interested" in me.
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Old 11-28-2011, 09:58 PM
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Hi SoberinNY

I'm not in AA but I'd let it go....maybe she backed out/reconsidered for both your sakes - who knows?

The end result is she's not interested now - I'd move on.

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Old 11-28-2011, 10:02 PM
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I wouldn't push it because that'll just make her feel really, really uncomfortable and that's what it's sounding like when she's avoiding you. If you give her the respect and space, that'll show her a lot. Dating someone who is "clingy" is usually a turn off for a lot of people.
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Old 11-29-2011, 07:01 AM
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Originally Posted by SoberinNY View Post
What would an oldtimer do if a newcomer wanted to take things further?
AA "Oldtimers" are not all cut out of the same piece of cloth. Some would take advantage of the situation or even get it started--but not most. A wise, decent Oldtimer would not get into such a situation and if she inadvertently participated in it, would back off immediately, just as this person has done. I know you are disappointed, but really, you should consider yourself lucky.
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Old 11-29-2011, 07:17 AM
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I'm not sure if she is avoiding me because of my feelings, or because I have less than a year.

Probably both. That first year can be a tricky one emotionally.
I've found that alot of older AA goers take a sense of pride in helping new people start their journey. That is what AA is all about. They take you under their wing, they encourage your sense of wellness and show you the love needed to understand that it's gonna be ok -you're gonna be ok.
You may have confused her passion for sobriety for her passion for you.

Personally, I would let it go.
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Old 11-29-2011, 07:30 AM
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Yeh, there's been some good advice here. Focus on the steps, and who knows what may happen when you've been through them and have some substantial sober time.

This long timer has done the right thing.

P.S. This isn't really the 13th Step; that's where people prey on newcomers; and in this instance it doesn't sound as if that was the case. She got close, had a think, and then did the right thing.

Last edited by Tosh; 11-29-2011 at 07:32 AM. Reason: Adding a P.S.
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