timetochange

Today is one week for me, which to many probably seems like nothing, but to me it is just the beginning and I am so proud of myself. I have spent a lot of this week battling cravings, reading on here, reading books, journaling, talking to myself (both in my head and out loud), and just basically anything to get me through it and to try to understand what makes me drink and this whole process in general. I had moments where I cried because I wanted to drink so bad, and moments where I was so pissed off that I let it get to this point that now I CAN'T drink. I haven't told a soul that I'm doing this, though most people in my life don't even know it's an issue. My kids must notice a difference, and just the fact that I don't have a glass of wine next to me all night. Mostly, when I want to drink, what gets me through is THEM, that they deserve a better mother and a better role model. That and I'm just tired of always worrying about when I can drink, do I have enough, not wanting to go places or be with certain people because I can't drink. And of course some of the events in my life that I am finally admitting were due to alcohol.

Anyway, I spend so much time focusing on cravings, missing alcohol, and what I want in my future as a result of removing alcohol from my life, I thought Iwould share all of the things that I have LOVED about not drinking this week. (Hopefully this will also be a motivator when I am tempted in the future too
What I LOVE about not drinking:

-"real sleep", not just sleeping off the alcohol
-waking up in the middle of the night naturally groggy, not from drinking
-remembering when I wake up that I did it! nothing to be ashamed of
-enjoying time with my kids, not being afraid that I'm acting loopy
-disciplining my children with a clear head, handling things right
-feeling focused at work
-only lost 2 pounds, but looking forward to MUCH more
-having the energy to work out 4 days this week
-my bed-sheets, pillows, blankets - it all feels so much more comfortable
-clear head mornings - I still have a dull headache some but I know its ok
-handling my feelings about my ex rationally, not just obsessing
-not drunk emailing or texting my ex
-not spending $10 a day or more on wine
-not finding excuses to run out to the store without my kids to buy alcohol
-buying groceries without buying wine
-drinking soda, iced tea, and water with my kids
-knowing that nothing about me or my house or my garbage or my dishes smells like alcohol
-remembering things, and if I don't, its not because I was drunk
-my face looks less puffy, my eyes more clear, and my hair looks nicer
-seeing my ex on Friday (it was a nice surprise) and being totally sober, honest, and remembering everything
-being able to visualize a great future, being stronger, happier, thinner, healthier and knowing that I'm doing what I need to NOW to get there.
-feeling like "everyone else" at work, not like I have this horrible secret, desparately hiding a hangover

Wow, that's alot! It's been a tough week but so very worth it obviously!
Thanks for all of the support I feel here. When I don't know what else to do, I often come on SR and somehow I always read something that speaks to me and helps turn my thoughts around.

Dee74

I still remember my first week TTC - it's a great achievement
Congratulations!

D

mwstylee

It sounds like you want to and actually are becoming an awesome parent. Congrats on the progress....I can't wait to make it to 1 week! Thanks for the encouragement.

Soberween

Thank you timetochange..... I could have written this same exact post when I first quit drinking. Love being reminded of all those things that I hated about drinking and feeling different from other mothers or co-workers. Helps to keep me on my sober path.

Pommy

Congratulations on one week!!!!

I can relate to alot of items on your list....sleeping, really being present for the kids, dealing with my ex better and not hiding hangovers at work....I really don't know how I did it. No wonder I was always exhausted.

I used to hide bottles of booze around in the house, both full and empty. I would get all jumpy when someone would get close to one of my hiding spots. Now I don't care where anyone goes! I have nothing to hide. *bliss*

Keep up the good work....one week is awesome!

EmeraldRose

Congratulations! The first complete week is hard. I remember. I did alot of soul searching that first week.
As I read your 'love about not drinking' lines...each one brought a flashback of my past life and how I was. You will look back on that post and feel good about your achievement in the future. It will make you a better everything.
Keep swimming.

debsam

Great post - great list!!!

Well done on the one week.

lostbutterfly

me too. I am a mum too, and being there for my kids is great. I have re-discovered reading. I have always loved reading, but fairly impossible when you are blind drunk every night.
Well done, focus relentlessly on the positive, because alcohol will only take away fom you and your children, although it will lie, and try tell you otherwise.

instant

Time to change well done. The first week is the hardest.

I have found that posting in the gratitude threads every really helpful in keeping me focused on the positives.

you can find the gratitude threads via the main menu.

SadRN

Good job! I just finished a week sober as well! Congrats to us both, keep up the good work!

lbern

Good for you! It's awesome that you are able to see how much better your life is becoming. So good for your kids too! Keep it up

-L

Vantrina

Congratulations on week one. A major accomplishment!

Tosh

That's brilliant; you can see that you really believe you can do this; and you can.

One thing I like about sobriety is that at the age of 39 when I stopped drinking, I found I wasn't the person who I thought I was. Maybe this sounds strange, but I've heard other people share about it. I kinda felt a bit 'lost' for a short while, which sounds negative, but it wasn't.

When I was drinking, I would've told you "Yeh, I know who I am, I'm blah blah blah blah etc", but when I stopped, I really didn't have a clue. Maybe it was liberating in that I sensed I could change 'old Tosh' for a new and happier 'Tosh'?

So, it was an interesting process relearning who I was again; though I still don't know who that is; but I'm comfortable with it now.

Another thing I found is that the longer you're sober, the busier you get doing the things you always wanted to do, but never did, 'cos we were too 'busy' drinking, drunk, or hungover.

timetochange

How wonderful it is to wake up to all of this support, especially since I'm doing this alone with no one to really hold me accountable except myself.
Tosh- I understand what you mean about feeling different. Right now, I am feeling more like my old self- the person that I was before I started drinking so much. I'm sure I will start to see other sides of myself but right now it's kind of cool, it's like meeting an old friend
And, I'm looking forward to being busy...I have lists of things I want to do, but I'm putting a lot off, not sure if I should be though. I'm kind of taking it easy on myelf, I don't want to start on all of these projects and overwhelm myself, because at this point I still feel like anything could make me turn around and drink. The other side to that is that I'm often feeling bored, with a lot of time on my hands.

It's so comforting to know that I am not the only one who has every felt some of these feelings and gone through this.

Tosh

I've got to be careful I don't sound like a 'foaming-at-the-mouth-AAer' (which I secretly am, LOL), but I found A.A. meetings great for filling some of that spare time. It also provided me with support, much like this forum, and although it never sounds cool to admit, I quite enjoy the meetings.

I love characters with a sense of humour, and A.A. seems to attract them.

Anyway, your post touched me; I remember having the same feelings as yourself; hope and gratitude probably; they're good traits to hold onto. It's funny though, we're very different people though, you and I. I'm a British half Geordie/Japanese guy, and you're (I suspect) not! I've got missing teeth, from fighting, and you probably haven't; we're probably, as I say, ultra different on the surface, but dig a little, and we're exactly the same.

I'm waffling now; I hope you have a good sober day.

Saliena

TTC congrats on the first week... it truly is the hardest week...

Just wanted to say first of all I know you are doing this alone in real life... but, remember you have all of us here!! So come to SR often if you feel like drinking.

Also have you considered sharing this with someone in real life? Maybe a friend that has gone through the same experience even AA?

zorilla

One week is great!!!!
For me getting clean & sober was like being reborn!!!
I feel like a little kid,and I love it.
This forum helped save my life & it can yours too!!!!!

MarylandRick

That's awesome you are experiencing all the pleasures of living sober.

The freedom of sobriety is what I enjoy most. No longer looking in the rear view mirror both literally when driving and figuratively in life.

Not having to plan my day according to my drinking. Not worrying about my wife finding my hiding spots. NOt tip toeing around the house in the early morning to sneak drinks. Not worrying if I smell or look hungover. Not worrying if I have enough alcohol to get through the day, and racing to the liquor store before it closes.

Alcohol kept me prisoner and I love living in freedom from it.

BellaB44

Congrats on one week. I swear I could have written this post word for word. There is so much to look forward to and focusing on the good seems like a good idea. Im going to start that today instead of thinking about everything I messed up.

mattparadise

Way to go. On this site I get to be proud of perfect stragers. We all do.

Keep up the good work.