daphne

Hi there. I have continued to try stop being dependent on alcohol. I last a few days mid week but back on it again and again. Tried counselling , never got focused on the boozing enough for me. It was all about my split my ex and issues with my mother.
I want to stop. Now I have real cravings every day when home from work. I have a great partner, wonderful kids, lots of friends and a job I enjoy. Why do I need drink, god knows.
I am in the constant battle everyday of do not drink, at night I am lying awake convincing myself not to drink tomorrow. Occasionally this works. Usually I convince myself one bottle of wine is social drinking, it won't hurt, tell myself to stop stressing. I hold down a high powered job and am never off work. I have been successful in my life.
I know if I carry on this way I will die too young. My kids are my life yet now they are teens they make jokes about me loving the wine. I am known as a party girl it's been my identity all of my life.
I have no belief in anything spiritual so aa not for me. I do not know Why I am here again , just know I cannot be honest with anyone in real life.
Any advice anyone has would be great

Dee74

Welcome back Daphne

I don't think our problem ever really goes away - we can luck out sometimes and have good (or less bad) periods but I always returned to square one...always.

Drinking problematically was always my default position.

The only thing that really worked was cutting alcohol loose from my life.

My identity was wrapped up in partying too, but I didn't lose anything but quitting.

I had to make a lot of changes but I gained a new life and I regained a me I'd forgotten about. It all worked out

I think whatever you can find in the way of support to help you stop drinking for good should be pretty much #1 priority right now.

I remember AA's not your thing - have you looked into SMART or Rational Recovery? They're secular in nature and may be more to your taste?

D

Anna

Welcome back, Daphne!

I had to stop drinking completely, in order to shut off the voice in my head.

It was such a relief when I did.

daphne

Thanks dee yeh going to look into these and try read them, concentration not good at the moment.
My health problems keep me awake, these are not caused by alcohol but used alcohol to help deal with symptoms. I do not look after my health never have so although middle aged feel like an old woman.
Remind me how long are u sober? Can you remember trying to give up?

daphne

Thanks for the welcome I am not going to be so bloody argumentative this time promise x
Did you just stop one day Anna? Or did you battle with it for a while.

Terminally Unique

Everyone stops temporarily, only to start up again. Quitting, on the other hand, is a different matter. While more difficult in the short run, quitting will be far easier than stopping in the long run. My advice? Make up your mind about finally quitting for good or not, and then proceed accordingly, because indecision is a hellish purgatory.

Dee74

Nearly 5 years now Daphne - I can still remember the years of trying to give up tho.
I agree with TU a firm decision to quit no matter what really changed the game for me.

D

Tigger41

Hi Daphne,

I'm early in recovery but your story sounds very familiar. I am a Mom of 4, great job in a respected position, ok marriage, overall good life. I never drank in the morning or ever had the shakes - but I could not stop drinking. Oh, maybe for a day or so here or there but not put a good amount of days together and not think about drinking. Once I had one I would really want to have a few and I loved getting tipsy and sometimes inadvertently didn't stop at tipsy and got drunk - sometimes when I didn't want to - like at work parties.

Over the past few years I would tell myself I'm going to stop. I'll stop at the next vacation, after the next holiday, at the start of the next new year, next week, month etc. Then one day I was just like enough is enough. I went to the doctor and told him I had a drinking problem (still not convinced I was an alcoholic as I thought alcoholics couldn't run a house, keep the job, look "normal" etc etc) and asked for Antabuse. I knew that if I took it and drank I would get horribly ill. I haven't had a a drink now in 26 days. About day 13 or so I realized I can't drink in moderation and can never go back to the way it was - I crossed some invisible line. It doesn't matter when or how but I did and now I can't control my drinking. I knew that because I was on this site saying I can't seem to stop drinking.

So now I'm taking it day by day. I don't drink today. Now I'm out as far as a few days... I'm not going to drink this week - if I think more into the future I get a bit upset so for now I'm not drinking today.

I hope you decide that you really want to stop drinking and get your life back - I realize how much I haven't been there for my kids and myself. I've been missing life here - it's been passing me by while I've been in the fog.

Please stop drinking - make the decision and take action - see a doctor and then please stop drinking.

daphne

I am definitely concerned about my drinking.it has not caused me any major problems in my life though, spend quality time with my kids we are very close and have great social life, not done anything since my teen years that I regret through drink. Have a couple o hobbies lot of friends, popular sober so it is not like need drink due to shyness or lack of confidence.
I discovered drink young as I grew up using it to self medicate. I have not found anything else that works for me. People say do something nice instead of a drink, a walk, a bath, read a nice book, have sex! I do all of these things I read a lot , go to shows, treat myself , indulge in nice food ,but nothing competes with the cozy feeling. My son asked me to drive him somewhere, early evening . I said no which I never do and made excuse that it was too poor weather for me to drive. The real reason was driving him and collecting him later meant I would miss out on my wine time. 5 until 9 is my mid week wine time rarely drinkk outside these hours during the week. My priorities were the wine over my lovely son.I have been good mother despite liking a drink
That is my problem

CaiHong

Hi Daphne,

I hope you find a program that works for you. I use AA and this forum to keep sober.
Your health is a bit of a worry it seems, you need to get on to this ASAP.

All the best
CaiHong

littlefish

Welcome back Daphne!
Let me ask you something: how do you approach other problems in your life? I suspect that if you are the successful career woman you say you are, you don't procrastinate, wring your hands and sit on the pity pot when you face a problem. You probably take the bit between your teeth, make a solid plan for solving the problem and go about doing it.

Recovery involves a lot of doing - not thinking. Believe me, I tried to think my way sober. It didn't work. There are so many things you can do about this problem: so what are you waiting for?

So you didn't like your therapist because it turned into a coffee klatch. Well, find a therapist who specialized in addiction issues. If you don't like AA, find an alternative. If you can't find an alternative in your area, find an outpatient treatment program: or, consider rehab.

You can do this!

instant

It is addiction. There is desire.There is difficulty maintaining satisfaction. why is secondary now.

Once you quit desire remains. It nearly drove me crazy but I survived. Developing an approach to dissatisfaction requires a change in mindset. It is simple once you surrender, then it is easy to tolerate the dread of never again.

Phmdyw

Many do try to "yield" from drinking forever but they never have peace. It's an awful, needless way to live. The blessed ones make it to AA, everyone else goes on to the bitter end blotting out the intolerable consciousness of their existence.

THE MAIN JOB OF THE DISEASE OF ALCOHOLISM IS TO KEEP US AWAY FROM GOD AND HIS PRINCIPLES, which we find in the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, and which give us a life we can't ever have imagined.

Many come into AA with broken faith or no faith at all. Do not be discouraged - half of our original membership was like that - either atheists or agnostics. Bad church experiences, parents who forced us to go to church without even knowing why they were saying it, or our own twisted understanding of God - that He's a punishing, bargaining entity. He's not. he's been waiting for us to choose Him this whole time, and we as alcoholics know no peace until we do - through the 12 steps (His principles for us.)

We think we'll become some sort of southern right-wing religious extremist. That's not what it looks like. Girl, I'm very spiritual but I'm still a very cool woman...and God and the 12 steps have helped me be myself.

Dee74

Let me just get in before anyone else and say some of us have indeed found peace without AA...but I'm sure that's not what you meant

D

daphne

yes little fish I never procrastinate. I had an difficult childhood and an even more disturbed betrayal from my husband. In a crisis I get my act together am on the ball, realistic. The drink issue plus my lack of care regards my other health problems are the two things that do not fit with rest of my life now. I is illogical I know. I have a good life now so why would I want it to end prematurely? I should be grateful for what I have but i feel rotten at the core, Dirty, bad.
The counselling i went to 6 times we never moved from my past despite fact i said from start I wanted to resolve drinking dependency. Is there any herbal remedies I can try to ease cravings?Don't think I am heavy enough drinker for rehab or detox I have no physical withdrawal on days I do not drink. At moment it feels like my destiny to be a drinker for ever, if that makes sense.

Tigger41

So are you going to wait until your problem gets worse? Seems like its gotten bad enough already for it to come before your kids. That was me about a year ago it progressed to getting the kids to watch tv so I could have my wine in peace.

I also haven't really "lost" anything and none of my friends or even partner think I have anything close to a problem. But I drink almost every day and I know I have a problem. I just caught it early.

It will be up to you. Sounds like you know you have a problem or at least an issue. Only you can change your path - there are many ways besides AA. But alcoholism is a progressive disease.

Tigger41

The only withdrawal I had were headaches and some sleep changes in the first 2 weeks. For me the hardest is the routine of drinking and the cravings to do so in the evenings. Keeping busy and chocolate has helped. It's getting easier - I'm at like 4 weeks. I'm very happy I wasn't as heavy a drinker as some other people were. I'm grateful I caught it early.

You can do this!! You want to do this! You're tired of having to drink.

Routing for you.

Terri

onlythetruth

That's for sure! AA is great for lots of people, but it's definitely not the only way, or the "best" way! Different strokes for different folks!

sugarbear1

Pistachios supposedly help with cravings. Ethanyl alcohol is a horrific addiction. Can you talk with your doctor as there are medicines to help with the cravings.

I wish you well on staying stopped!

Phmdyw

Focus on the paragraph that begins with the BOLD LETTERS...We run away from what's good for us...we'll do it for decades if we can survive it.