Need help confronting parents
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 1
Need help confronting parents
I'm new to this site and need some adivce/help..
Little back ground info.
I've been smoking weed for 5 years. Did it all through highschool and now into college... I've had a lot of fun with it, but I always end up being depresed the next day, then I find myself smoking again to get away from the depression. Well, the weed has finally taken its toll. I've basically failed my first semester of college and driven all my friends away. I want to start a new life and start over, but I can't get past the obstacle of telling my parents all of this...
My depression started back in feb when my dad tried to committ suicide. He claimed he had battled depression since he was a kid. That for one just took me to my lowest of lows.. Ever since then i've been depressed and the only thing that took me away from it was by smoking.. I wan't to stop all of that. I took matters into my own hands yesterday but destroying everything that had to do with smoking. ie. bowls, papers, stash jars, everything..
I can't find the courage to tell my parents everything because i'm scared they will be angry and just dissappointed in me.. Can someone please help me out on how to confront them and tell them all of this? Its not as easy as it looks, and its been killing me on the inside for months on end.
Thank you.
Little back ground info.
I've been smoking weed for 5 years. Did it all through highschool and now into college... I've had a lot of fun with it, but I always end up being depresed the next day, then I find myself smoking again to get away from the depression. Well, the weed has finally taken its toll. I've basically failed my first semester of college and driven all my friends away. I want to start a new life and start over, but I can't get past the obstacle of telling my parents all of this...
My depression started back in feb when my dad tried to committ suicide. He claimed he had battled depression since he was a kid. That for one just took me to my lowest of lows.. Ever since then i've been depressed and the only thing that took me away from it was by smoking.. I wan't to stop all of that. I took matters into my own hands yesterday but destroying everything that had to do with smoking. ie. bowls, papers, stash jars, everything..
I can't find the courage to tell my parents everything because i'm scared they will be angry and just dissappointed in me.. Can someone please help me out on how to confront them and tell them all of this? Its not as easy as it looks, and its been killing me on the inside for months on end.
Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Hmm... Hard to say. I guess coming clean with all of this will be necessary when they see your grades. Just tell them what you told us... In addition...
Does your college have drug and alcohol counselling and support? If so, do it now. That will show everyone you are serious. More importantly, it will get you started in recovery. There are other programs ... NA and other 12 step programs...
Good luck. I am sure if you are HONEST with everything you will get a second chance. Don't blow it...
Welcome to SR!!
Does your college have drug and alcohol counselling and support? If so, do it now. That will show everyone you are serious. More importantly, it will get you started in recovery. There are other programs ... NA and other 12 step programs...
Good luck. I am sure if you are HONEST with everything you will get a second chance. Don't blow it...
Welcome to SR!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Hi dmay,
I hope some young people answer you about this, but I wanted to tell you what I think as a parent.
I really wish my young adult kids had told me when they were having problems with weed, but they didn't. If they had asked my help, I would have bent over backwards to get it for them. Maybe I would have been mad at them, but I would have gotten over it. As it turned out, weed turned into a 15 year problem for one of them. For the other, it led to other bad stuff, worse really, than just the weed would have been. The result was at least 10 wasted years that maybe could have been channeled into more productive behaviors.
From your perspective, you'll have to look at the relationship you have with your parents. I don't always think full disclosure is the best idea, especially if who you are disclosing to isn't in the best of mental health. That would be your dad. I wonder whether he needs to know this stuff? I think I would first try to talk to a counselor at your school about what to do. They already know you're in trouble with your grades. Maybe now's the time to talk to them about why. Most campuses have mental health counseling for students, often free. And usually confidential.
Take care of your immediate situation first. Don't unburden just to unburden. Get with the counselor first. I don't think that is a losing proposition. Next, get yourself out of hot water at school. Make plans, you'll probably be put on school probation to bring up your grades next semester. Believe me, you are not going to be first, or the last, young adult your school has had to deal with regarding this stuff.
Good luck. Let us know how it goes.
FT
I hope some young people answer you about this, but I wanted to tell you what I think as a parent.
I really wish my young adult kids had told me when they were having problems with weed, but they didn't. If they had asked my help, I would have bent over backwards to get it for them. Maybe I would have been mad at them, but I would have gotten over it. As it turned out, weed turned into a 15 year problem for one of them. For the other, it led to other bad stuff, worse really, than just the weed would have been. The result was at least 10 wasted years that maybe could have been channeled into more productive behaviors.
From your perspective, you'll have to look at the relationship you have with your parents. I don't always think full disclosure is the best idea, especially if who you are disclosing to isn't in the best of mental health. That would be your dad. I wonder whether he needs to know this stuff? I think I would first try to talk to a counselor at your school about what to do. They already know you're in trouble with your grades. Maybe now's the time to talk to them about why. Most campuses have mental health counseling for students, often free. And usually confidential.
Take care of your immediate situation first. Don't unburden just to unburden. Get with the counselor first. I don't think that is a losing proposition. Next, get yourself out of hot water at school. Make plans, you'll probably be put on school probation to bring up your grades next semester. Believe me, you are not going to be first, or the last, young adult your school has had to deal with regarding this stuff.
Good luck. Let us know how it goes.
FT
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Welcome 
some great advice here
No real experience from me from the child or parent angle....I agree with the others tho - honesty is important, but even more than telling your parent's, you have to hit the ground running....what you do about your problem is paramount now.
I hope you'll follow up with seeing a counsellor - they may even have suggestions for you about broaching things with your parents.
D
some great advice here
No real experience from me from the child or parent angle....I agree with the others tho - honesty is important, but even more than telling your parent's, you have to hit the ground running....what you do about your problem is paramount now.
I hope you'll follow up with seeing a counsellor - they may even have suggestions for you about broaching things with your parents.
D
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
Well, maybe I'm missing something here, but I don't think you have to tell them anything, do you? If you don't feel comfortable telling them then don't tell them. You're an adult. Or maybe wait to tell them until you're further along in your recovery.
Welcome to SR! I think you've made a great decision and you've taken some really good first steps.
Welcome to SR! I think you've made a great decision and you've taken some really good first steps.
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