100 Days
 

Hi all. Today was day 100 for me. I typically post on my anniversaries, because I think it is a good reminder for me to keep at it. I also know how much hope it gave me to read other people's anniversaries. Beyond that though I really struggled yesterday. As I have felt better and better I have almost gone on auto pilot when it comes to sobriety. In the early days I thought about drinking obsessively, but as the weeks went by it became basically a non issue. I even attended a family wedding with an open bar and my own on-site suite for the night and I didn't crave a drink unbearably. Yesterday threw me for a loop though and I do not know why. Last night I got into a thought pattern where I was seriously feeling sorry for myself. That rolled into anger at myself for having done this to myself which means I now can't even enjoy a social drink. By the time I got to church I was starting to think the standard thoughts of "it's been over 3 months......if I could stop for this long, then obviously I can control it now." From there my brain went crazy. I have not fought a craving like that in a really long time! And I don't know exactly what kept me from doing it. Ugh! Thankfully I made it through, but it sucked and it completely caught me by surprise. Thanks for listening. I welcome any thoughts you have to share.
Carla

Congratulations Carla :)

Many of us find 'anniversaries' can be troublesome.

I remember myself sometimes relief, or an impulse to celebrate, or thoughts of 'where do I go from here/what now?' can be the precursor to a craving.

Cravings happen. It's natural for alcoholics to think this way I think - I remember having similar out of the blue episodes for much longer than 100 days.

We can't stop our thoughts - but the really important thing is what we do in response now :)
You came through it, and thats the main thing :)

It's worth mentioning too that sometimes it might be something else - like PAWs.
You might get something out of this link:

PAWS « Digital Dharma

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Congrats on day 100 Carla.

I went through a very tough time at around 3 months. Seems quite common really. I think it is the point I realised that being sober alone was not enough and I needed to find something more than simply not drinking.

Best of luck and keep working this. For me it goes up and down (approaching 6 months now) but every hard period passes and precedes a period of growth.

Congrats on 100 days!!!!
I find that posting here really helps;especially when I am angry.
For me I have to attend AA meetings and have a sponsor or I couldn't stay clean & sober.

Hi Carla,

I'm glad you posted. I struggled similarly this weekend, and have just a bit more than 100 days. This 4 day weekend has been an alcoholic blowout for me for as long as I can remember. The Thanksgiving traditions of song, decorating for Christmas, lots of food and football, was always associated with much drinking. Then, I'd go into a festive fog until Superbowl Sunday.

I thought I'd distract myself by going to an AA retreat. I did, and it actually sucked for me so I left early. I was gonna work on my 4th step, but this is not the time of year for me to potentially trigger depression, so I skipped that. It'll come, someday, if it's meant to be. Together, those made me step back from AA dogma, and re-consider my drinking. Yesterday, the urges were so strong, I actually planned to drink, but had to make coffee at my AA homegroup meeting, so I planned it for afterward. Instead, God put a perfect meeting in my lap that dissolved all my plans. Today, I feel great.

I agree with Dee, PAWS is real. I've been reading on it, and believe I am being affected by it. So, we must just whiteknuckle our way through this for the first year, as necessary, or we'll just go back to insanity and hopelessness.

Hang in there Carla! And congrats on 100 days!

Congratulations on 100 days! I carry around a jug of water and it's helped so much. Even if I have no cravings (which are few and far now), I'll still be drinking water and enjoying it far more than I've ever "enjoyed" alcohol.

Hey, these 4 day weekends can be very challenging but the important thing is you stayed strong and made it through sober.
Good going on 100 days...super!

Carla 100 days is fantastic. Happy Dance:dance8:

And thanks for the post - I'm almost at a month now and looking for experiences of people past the initial detox and post 30 days. If I know what to watch out for I think I'll be more prepared. I don't want to fall into traps others have and have to start over. I found your post very useful. Thanks again and congrats -

Congrats on 100 days!! :scoregood

Congratulations on 100 days. That is huge!

Congratulations on triple digits!

congrats!! i was really excited to hit triple digits too :) and great job getting through that wedding. i dealt with that in my first month of sobriety and it was tricky. keep up the good work!

3 - 9 months can be tricky. If you work the 12 steps, then work them quickly for relief. I experienced a profound change when I experienced the steps (and stopped analyzing them). My 4th step took about 3 hours, felt really horrible that one night and then worked steps 5, 6, + 7 the next morning. Not a craving since then & a new life began for me.

Whatever program you use, dive into it as hard as you would a night of drinking. Change is possible!