Introducing Myself
 

Hi, I am Sarah. I am 28 and from Brooklyn, NY. I started drinking in high school. It completely spiraled out of control over the course of many years. I chose to deny it for a long time even though I knew in the back of my head that I had a problem. I used alcohol and cocaine on a daily basis through my early 20's. I pretended it was a social thing, but it really was bad. I have lost jobs, friends, respect, money. Once, I fell down a flight of stairs and will forever have a scar on my face. None of that stopped me. Then, I got pregnant. I stayed sober throughout the pregnancy. That was extremely difficult because my partner was the opposite of sober the whole time. It angered me, all i could do was count down the days until I would give birth and could "Party" again. And so, I gave birth. My son is absolutely amazing and at first I didnt even have the urge to party because I had him and I wanted to be sober and healthy for him. A few months went by and I decided OK, I can be a responsible drinker. I would have a few beers and catch a buzz and it would all be very normal. I was never able to do that before, why would I think I could do it now?? So that worked a few times. Then one night in mid-July my partner and I took our baby to a restaurant and got loaded. When we got home we had to carry his stroller up the stairs. He was not strapped in and he fell out his stroller. We panicked and called 911. The ambulance came, the assessed the situation. The baby was fine. However, since we were drunk they arrested us for endangerment to a child, took us to jail, and put our baby in foster care. It was the lowest point of my entire life. I fought to get him back and I did get him back. I am now in recovery. I go to a program every day to work on my sobriety and be part of a support group. I am trying to figure out how to not hate myself. I stayed sober until 2 weeks ago, I relapsed. I went out with my cousin and had drinks. I dont know why. I am so depressed and confused and anxious. I just want to be a good mother. My baby is the most amazing person I have ever met, and I dont want to dissappoint him. Please help!

Welcome to the forum. Your baby falling should be a huge wake up call. Imagine if he died or was paralyzed because of your condition. You would have the rest of your life to reflect on how alcohol ruined your childs life.

I assume you guys were driving drunk as well? Sounds like the police were doing a good job in removing your child from you.

I hope you visit here often. This site, along with AA and perhaps some counseling, could make a difference. Good luck! I will be pulling for you.

thank you, It was the ultimate wake up call for me. I am so very embarassed.

No, we were not drinking and driving. We live in New York City, so we take the trains. Just to be clear.

Thanks again.

Welcome to SR. This is a great place to get support. Sounds like you've had some scary and dangerous situations that led to your Recovery. Congrats on your decision to get better, and to make your son your number one priority. You can do this. :)

Congrats on sticking with your sobriety and reaching out to get more help here!

We have all done stupid things while we are drunk that we wish we could take back. We can't take them back unfortunately. The only thing we can do is get and remain sober.

Just keep trying and never give up and you are bound to get it eventually. I hope this is your last time!

I have done things that were humiliating, believe me. That is in the past now. You can do it!!

Welcome to SR, aiwasse. I'm glad that you have joined us and you'll find extremely helpful people here. Keep your head up and stay positive, you'll do just fine if you keep an upbeat attitude about quitting. If you keep moping about alcohol, you'll go back to the bottle. You have lost nothing, you've gained your life back.

Thank you for posting. I am in my early thirties and have two small children myself. I have not always made the best choices either. Welcome to this forum, I have only been here about a week myself and am currently on day 4. I hope you'll come join the class of November 2011.

Welcome to SR,

I am so glad to see you are in recovery and came here for added support after your slip.
Get up dust yourself off, sit and think we did you drink again, and what are you going to do different this time. :)

Keep going foward and again welcome, please join us in the evening chat room, since your in NY you will find great support . hug

Thanks, I will join that group :-)

Welcome Sarah!
You can't change what's done but you can use it to motivate you to work towards a better future.

Welcome to SR Sarah - you'll find a lot of support advice and ideas here :)

D