Hevyn

Welcome, Noknewme! It's wonderful to have you here. I clearly remember feeling just like you described. The first few days are very difficult - but the feelings do ease up after awhile. It definitely is normal to be edgy and miserable. Once you're through this, you'll never have to go back there again.

Reading & posting here will help with your anxiety - give you something to do, and you won't feel alone. You have all of us pulling for you. Be proud of yourself for making this decision. You can get your life back, and have a beautiful future.

Noknewme

Can't sleep. Hubby mad that I am not going to bed. He is upset and doesn't know what to do for me. Keeps asking me what he should do. Like I know what to do! Let's face it I don't have the best record for making decisions for myself. I had asked him earlier to look at some sites about alcoholism so he could get an idea of what I am trying to do. He hasn't really done that. He asked me what I planned to do. I told him i plan to try. I was really hoping he would step up. He told me i am dwelling on it too much and spending too much time onthis site. I am finding it really difficult to talk to him because I feel like I have let everyone down. I have manged to take care of everything with this family, kids to activities, cooking, cleaning, paying the bills and working. All I want is for someone to step up and help me without making me feel like crap! Ya know it never even crossed his mind to offer to get rid of the alcohol in the house. I can't lead him through this because I am lost.

Dee74

Maybe your energies are better spent on you, rather than trying to make him get it.

I think it's really hard sometimes for others to understand, but if he wants to really try and have some idea, he will make the effort. Leave the ball in his court, I think

It wpuld be nice if everyone had support from their partners but it's not always the case, and it's not a dealbreaker if it doesn't happen.

In the end, the buck stops with you - but you're not alone

The main thing to remember is there's always support and understanding here - 24/7

D

ReadyAndAble

Naw, you're not lost, Noknewme. You're just starting to find yourself.

In my experience this stuff is really, really hard for non-alcoholics to understand. And he may be going through issues of his own. Big changes, even those for the good, can leave our loved ones feeling anxious and unmoored.

As you've already seen, you'll find a ton of support here. Plenty of people here have travelled similar roads, and found a way safely through. Glad you found us.

Zencat

Lots going on yes. Husband, kids, cooking, cleaning, dwelling, decisions, planning...By the way what is the plan?

Having a simple plan like just not drinking for the day can put the whole thing in focus. Forget all the distractions, that stuff falls to the wayside if drinking happens anyway. Keep the focus on what you need to stay sober for one more day. That there is enough.

Noknewme

Thanks for the support. Made it through the night. Slept horrible, had really weird dreams. I actually dreamed about planning a relapse!
Sorry for sounding so bitchy last night. I guess I want him to admit that I have a problem too.

Zencat: My plan is to get through day 3. Call the doc and try and find an AA meeting on day 4.

I am feeling a little better today. Just have a head ache and feel on edge but some of the nausea is gone. Now off the church. Kids are singing today!

Tigger41

Good noknewme - just making it through the night is good. Also off to church - teaching Sunday school. not hungover...

Zebra1275

My plan is to get through day 3. Call the doc and try and find an AA meeting on day 4.

Why not go to an AA meeting today? 99% of the time I feel much better after i go to a meeting.

Noknewme

I looked on the AA website and I am not really sure what kind of meeting I need. Open? Closed? It all looked kinda confusing and overwhelming. I am also very concerned about anonymity. Plus I am a little scared.

Zebra1275

Go to a closed meeting. I understand your concern about anonymity, I had it to. What I did (and many others do also) is to go to a meeting several miles from where you live or work. Eventually, you will probably go to the meetings that are the most convienent for you.

I have a pretty prominent job, but I'm no longer worried about anonymity very much. Now I go to the meetings that are usually only a couple miles from my house. I've seen a few people I know at AA meetings, and we always talk afterwards. They are there for the same reason I am. Even though they may only be aquaintences, there is a bit of a bond there because we share something personal. I don't feel that anyone would "out" me, in fact it's just the opposite, I feel like they would "have my back."

Bimm

Hope you have a great day. Try to be strong.

Shining~Again

with getting help from the husband maybe you should just make a list for him?
I know on my end it'd be extremely frustrating to deal with someone asking me "what can I do to help?" but who is also mad at me for not going to bed. :-/

Sometimes with certain types of personalities, lists can be helpful.

--cook me something
--pay these 3 bills
--let me go to sleep when I want to go to sleep
--I will go to the doctor when my appt time is here.
--and maybe one of the most important: ask him to sit down and read whatever it was you mentioned in the other post so you don't have to explain/ask/repeat everything.
Hope your kids rocked the church singing! :-)

soberlicious

ahhhh lol me too...mom of triplets, one with autism. Clean house, everything "in order", daily routine for the kids, drunk as a skunk by bathtime...nightly for many, many years. I stayed home with them, but when they went to kindergarten I returned to by job as a teacher. Well respected, I might add, good at what I do. Educator by day, drunk by night. I painted a pretty picture of my life to others, but things are not always as they seem...not by a long shot. In the end, I attempted suicide, was baker-acted, sent to treatment. I could not hold the pieces together any longer, and quite literally welcomed death as a way out. Sounds dramatic maybe, but I'd venture to say that slow death (of the soul) has happened in one form or another to most, if not all of us. I haven't had a drink in 5 years and I can't describe to you how free I feel. There just are no words. Don't tell him you were kidding. You are just scared. But do not fear and do not be ashamed. Trust that things will be immeasurably better without the booze.

RoccoFunnyMan

I stopped 2 months ago, and was suffering from the anxiety and urges terribly in the beginning. Something that helped me tremendously was Tazo Calm tea. I brew some up and add a teaspoon of honey and it settles me right down. I have a cup at 9 pm or so every night and by 10 PM I am sound asleep.

soberlicious

double post oops lol

Noknewme

Thanks for all the advice. I need it. Finishing up day 3. Been keeping busy (kids did a go job singing today) Made sure I wasn't home alone with left over alcohol. Making cup of tea right now (I think I have about 1/2 dz different herb teas in my pantry).

I still have several open bottles of wine in the house. I don't think I can pour it out. I don't want to be near it. I have talked to my husband more and told him about some of the withdrawal symptoms. He is supportive but I still think he is uncomfortable with the idea of having an alcoholic wife. He suggested that maybe I didn't have to give it up completely. I almost wanted to cry when he said that.

Tomorrow I will call the doc. Unfortunately I know several of the women in his office (I used drink with them) i am kinda nervous about being all alone tomorrow. (My work is over for the season)

RoccoFunnyMan

This is exactly what I did to my wife, I minimized the situation and convinced her it was not a big deal. You need to make him understand and get him on your side.