13th Step In Early Recovery
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 137
13th Step In Early Recovery
Has anybody experience with people trying to start a relationship with you when you have less than 30 days recovery? What was your
reaction to a person?
Do you feel that you have to say "No" because you do not have the emotional strength to be in a relationship.
reaction to a person?
Do you feel that you have to say "No" because you do not have the emotional strength to be in a relationship.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,126
Someone preying on you in the rooms who knows you have only a few weeks of sobriety has no kind of sobriety you are interested in. Seek someone of the same sex who you can trust and confide in them ASAP.
That said, I'm a man, and my sponsor is a woman, significantly older than me, with 30 years of sobriety. I sought her as my sponsor because my first sponsor left the country, and I relate to her. There is nothing in the BB that says you can't have a sponsor of the opposite sex, but AA literature does suggest you do so.
Again, someone hitting on you in a meeting is a creep and should be brought to the attention of others in the group. Tell the sap to go to hell, ask if he or she is trying to help you stay sober, or has other intentions.
Another non Big Book saying is not to make any significant changes in the first year of sobriety. Many will tell you not to get into a relationship during your first year. I, again, didn't listen, got into a relationship with a normal person not in the rooms, and all went well.
I'm not usually an angry man, but send the person hitting on you over to my place. I have a baseball bat with their name on it.
That said, I'm a man, and my sponsor is a woman, significantly older than me, with 30 years of sobriety. I sought her as my sponsor because my first sponsor left the country, and I relate to her. There is nothing in the BB that says you can't have a sponsor of the opposite sex, but AA literature does suggest you do so.
Again, someone hitting on you in a meeting is a creep and should be brought to the attention of others in the group. Tell the sap to go to hell, ask if he or she is trying to help you stay sober, or has other intentions.
Another non Big Book saying is not to make any significant changes in the first year of sobriety. Many will tell you not to get into a relationship during your first year. I, again, didn't listen, got into a relationship with a normal person not in the rooms, and all went well.
I'm not usually an angry man, but send the person hitting on you over to my place. I have a baseball bat with their name on it.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: WI
Posts: 228
As always when this tissue comes up, my experience is that it largely depends on the person. If someone has been through the work, has had the vital spiritual experience, then it doesn't matter what arbitrary amount of time they have.
However, there are some very sick people in the rooms who are clearly not living in any kind of solution, some with lots of time and some with very little. If someone is not ready for a relationship, then they are not ready. And, if they feel preyed on then say something.
However, there are some very sick people in the rooms who are clearly not living in any kind of solution, some with lots of time and some with very little. If someone is not ready for a relationship, then they are not ready. And, if they feel preyed on then say something.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1,028
Personally if someone is interested in you and knows you only have 30 days that's a major rd flag! Anyone truly working their program would not approach a new person in that way as they know full well it's not healthy! JMHO
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Chepstow
Posts: 359
Yes, tell them 'No'. Also find a same sex sponsor, and let them know what's going on. I've only ever known this to happen once, and it was from a long time sober female towards a new male newcomer, and things went all pear shaped.
Whoever is doing this is sick, keep away from them.
Whoever is doing this is sick, keep away from them.
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