Noob in need!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 10
Noob in need!
Just wanting to say hello and to express my gratitude to everybody who post on SR! 
You have all helped me realize things about myself and my situation i would have NEVER seen on my own. I am truly great full!
My bf of <1yr has just entered detox for A this week. As a healthcare provider (Screams codependent, I'm beginning to get it now) I thought this would be easy, I'm wrong. My thoughts are up and down and back and forth. Ive began a journal and am trying to look at how I think and react.
Irregardless of how much so called "education" I have, I'm trying to learn as much as I can. I'm throwing the I-must-know-it-all-BS out! I plan on attending CoA and Al-Anon. I do have a few questions till i get to these meetings.
In terms of how I'm feeling. After he was admitted, he asked me to 'say what I needed to' as he is better equipped to deal with it there. I have said I have little trust in him, he makes me angry at times others depressed and given examples. ('I messages' I believe they are called?) How much of this do I dish at once or overall? After saying this I got no response, is this treatment telling him to just listen (or whatever reason) or is this him trying to make it look like he cares about how I feel so I think that he has made progress?
Trust!!! How do you begin to trust? When things they did you know were a lie do you ask for the truth? (I know that's purely to settle myself and I still may not get the truth.)
Thanks in advance!
You have all helped me realize things about myself and my situation i would have NEVER seen on my own. I am truly great full!
My bf of <1yr has just entered detox for A this week. As a healthcare provider (Screams codependent, I'm beginning to get it now) I thought this would be easy, I'm wrong. My thoughts are up and down and back and forth. Ive began a journal and am trying to look at how I think and react.
Irregardless of how much so called "education" I have, I'm trying to learn as much as I can. I'm throwing the I-must-know-it-all-BS out! I plan on attending CoA and Al-Anon. I do have a few questions till i get to these meetings.
In terms of how I'm feeling. After he was admitted, he asked me to 'say what I needed to' as he is better equipped to deal with it there. I have said I have little trust in him, he makes me angry at times others depressed and given examples. ('I messages' I believe they are called?) How much of this do I dish at once or overall? After saying this I got no response, is this treatment telling him to just listen (or whatever reason) or is this him trying to make it look like he cares about how I feel so I think that he has made progress?
Trust!!! How do you begin to trust? When things they did you know were a lie do you ask for the truth? (I know that's purely to settle myself and I still may not get the truth.)
Thanks in advance!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,047
How much of this do I dish at once or overall?
Even if he said "say what you need to", I would HIGHLY suggest that you drop what happened in the past and look at the now and the future.
What you're doing is only putting him down, and that is totally unhealthy and unnecessary. Please do not tell him anymore of your old feelings towards him, he's changing and he's sober and he needs love and support. In the beginning stages of sobriety, a person can be very, very uneasy and unstable because it's a totally new life they're living - Remember, alcohol was his "cure" to his problems, without alcohol, he'll have to face them sooner or later but he'll have a clear mind and make smart decisions.
How do you begin to trust?
Sorry for the "direct" post, I really mean no harm, but I really wanted to get my point across.
However, if he keeps up his old ways and refuses to change, then we have a different situation on our hands.. The future will tell this, not the past
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
Welcome to SR!
Unfortunately, I am the recovering A in this equation, and don't have any experience with AlAnon or related groups, however many people here do so I'm sure you'll hear form them shortly.
I'm glad you are here! Keep posting, there is a lot of support here.
Unfortunately, I am the recovering A in this equation, and don't have any experience with AlAnon or related groups, however many people here do so I'm sure you'll hear form them shortly.
I'm glad you are here! Keep posting, there is a lot of support here.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,429
Welcome me00
I recommend you look around our Family and Friends forum - you'll find a lot of people down there who know exactly what you're going through
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
I expect a few of them will chime in here too
As far as how do you begin to trust?
I'm no expert but I think that's entirely your call, your timetable and it's to a large extent dependent on your bf and what he does next
It's nice to say the past is the past but it's not that easy sometimes when there's a lot of baggage.
It took the loved ones in my life a long time to trust me again - some never did, and while I'm sad, frankly I don't blame them a bit.
I think things like our FF forums, AlAnon and CoDa will help you work out a lot of this
Go at your own pace Me00.
D
I recommend you look around our Family and Friends forum - you'll find a lot of people down there who know exactly what you're going through
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
I expect a few of them will chime in here too
As far as how do you begin to trust?
I'm no expert but I think that's entirely your call, your timetable and it's to a large extent dependent on your bf and what he does next
It's nice to say the past is the past but it's not that easy sometimes when there's a lot of baggage.
It took the loved ones in my life a long time to trust me again - some never did, and while I'm sad, frankly I don't blame them a bit.
I think things like our FF forums, AlAnon and CoDa will help you work out a lot of this
Go at your own pace Me00.
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Me00))) - welcome to SR!! I am a recovering addict and a recovering codependent...also used to be a nurse, so I totally understand the "I thought I KNEW better than this!".
SR is a great place, and lots of people are/were have been where you are. It took me time to gain back the trust of my loved ones. As for my ex-bf, however, he continued using and I realized I was never going to trust him.
You certainly aren't going to "get" everything all at once, but this a great place to start.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
SR is a great place, and lots of people are/were have been where you are. It took me time to gain back the trust of my loved ones. As for my ex-bf, however, he continued using and I realized I was never going to trust him.
You certainly aren't going to "get" everything all at once, but this a great place to start.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 10
Thanks everyone!
Gerbosko. Thank-you! Id rather you, and everybody, be blunt. I over-analyze and worry about everything as it is. I just need to hear things straight out right now.
EJoshua, Dee74, Impurrfect Thanks! I'm so glad there are people on both sides of the situation I can talk to!
Beginning to see that if the past is the past it will be much more settling. It works for both of us. I know it wont be easy or quick but good things take time, right?
Hearing his voice today (day 4@detox) was amazing! He actually sounded happier, relaxed, and not anxious!
Thanks again!
Gerbosko. Thank-you! Id rather you, and everybody, be blunt. I over-analyze and worry about everything as it is. I just need to hear things straight out right now.
EJoshua, Dee74, Impurrfect Thanks! I'm so glad there are people on both sides of the situation I can talk to!
Beginning to see that if the past is the past it will be much more settling. It works for both of us. I know it wont be easy or quick but good things take time, right?
Hearing his voice today (day 4@detox) was amazing! He actually sounded happier, relaxed, and not anxious!
Thanks again!
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