Tigger41

I will not let my Mom be a trigger... yep getting ready for Thanksgiving

I will not let me Mom be a trigger

I will not let my Mom be a trigger

I will not let my Mom fighting with my significant other be a trigger.

well - you get the point - stress starting to build - took my antabuse so I'm going to HAVE to deal with it.

I will not let me Mom be a trigger...

Pigtails

Good luck Tigger. Try to relax and think of something you're thankful for. It works for me in times of stress.

Dee74

I always find it useful to remember I can't change them...but I can change the way I feel about the situation and how I react.

Have a great Thanksgiving Tigger

D

SadRN

Is the stress it's causing you worth it? Any chance you can just do your own thing for the holiday? If you miss a few family gatherings, and are open about WHY you are not attending (Stress it causes you, fighting with family) could it change how they see the situation at all? Worse case scenario, you have a nice quiet dinner with the s/o?

flamingredhair

Good luck, Tigger! You can do this!

Tigger41

Theyrexall at my house. I'm going to choose to let fight it out if need be and not get in the middle of it. Their issue not mine.

Bimm

I'm new to this recovery thing so take my advise with a grain of salt. Let Mom and SO fight their own battles.

michelle01

Good luck Tigger, I've been in a similar situation with my own mother (has her own issues). Sometimes our relationship is friendly, sometimes can be toxic. You don't necessarily have to exclude them totally from your life, but have to set firm boundaries. I found when I got newly sober, my personal boundaries were practically non existent and I had to learn to rebuild them from scratch... in my mid thirties!

Cardinalfan

Holiday's always stress me out too....I feel your pain. Can you go for a nice walk and clear your mind? I'm trying to make this year very low key. My only family in town are my 2 son's and a grandson. So I decided we should be uber imformal and wear our pj's to dinner. Comfy and zero stress. Picture your mother in her Betty Boob jammies tomorrow, and she won't know what you are laughing about.....hugs.

Impurrfect

(((Tigger))) - I live in dysfunction junction. Someone is always at each other's throats or something. I've had to learn to let them work out their own stuff because it was driving me crazy. I still slip and slide, but have gotten better. Maybe just get out of the house and take a walk if it gets bad?

Sending you big hugs and prayers,

Amy

CaiHong

Hi Tigger,

Yes my family triggers me big time. A suggestion, I just thought of it as I read your post and thinking of ways to handle the situation. Use this time as an active meditation, observe your feelings as they come up, don't act on them, just watch them and let them go.
Be prepared for the dinner, have everything you need so as that you don't stress out over the dinner itself and let your guard down.

This too shall pass
This too shall pass
This too shall pass.

Let's know how it went.

Happy Thanksgiving
CaiHong

Anna

I hope you get through this.

DarrenW

Hope your mother wasnt a trigger. Did you have a good Thanksgiving?

Tigger41

You know it wasn't half bad. When everyone first got to the house I think I would have given an arm to have a drink but made it through and everyone ended up having a good time. But the feeling was just that - a feeling. Everyone got along just fine.

I had a good Thanksgiving - thanks for asking. I hope your's was good as well. Another day huh Darren? Feels good to keep adding on days.

DarrenW

Good for you Tigger! Yes, it does feel good, I have to constantly make plans so I am not thinking about drinking- actually I still think about it, but I am occupied enough it isnt overwhelming. Hang in there, I am pulling for you!

SamanthaIam

My fam is difficult, too! What I would LIKE to be able to do is take a step back and observe when they do their "thing" but not get into it. To watch and learn, even my own feelings, without acting or jumping into the fray.

I just learned this thing from my therapist that I am still working on: whenever my family's passive aggressive stuff starts going down, I could silently make a statement to myself, that starts with "even though" like this:

Even though they are engaging in toxic behavior and doing passive aggressive crap to hurt or blame me or get me upset, I love myself and I deserve a nice day, and I am not going to get into their game.

In other words, acknowledge the weirdness, but choose another perspective.

I'm still working on this... it is hard not to want to change them or wish they would behave better! Somehow I want to be at peace with the fact that they are trying to be manipulative while being centered in myself so I don't try to do my thing which is to "make them see" or change their minds. Or even to try to get them to agree with me...

It's unfortunate that they do this, but they have their reasons which are none of my business (unless I make it my business, in which case I always end up the loser).

When they start this crap, I want to be able to right off the bat recognize it, and sort of go, Aha! here comes the no-win situation, so I think I'll just take care of myself right now -- even if they express disapproval or judgement!

artsoul

So glad to hear things weren't as bad as you feared. Getting through the holidays sober was a challenge for me the first year (last year). This year it's been great, no problems....... Having family issues on top of my first holiday sober would have been really hard, though. I'm glad you got through it.

I like the suggestion Impurrfect had of taking a walk or just removing yourself from the situation. I have to protect own sanity/peace of mind today and am learning to set boundaries for the first time in my life. It really helps.

Keep up the good work!