My first day...I need support!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Austin
Posts: 7
My first day...I need support!
That's it... Enough! I was a complete idiot last night and hurt a lot of feelings and I wish I hadn't...I have seen myself go down this pipeline to Hades ENOUGH! I feel like I am so close to gaining back what this year has taken from me (my wife, my happiness, and so much more), and I will NOT let this stupid liquid take my dream and squash it! I have been drinking since I was about 15-16 year old. I really liked the "altered mind set" when I would sneak whiskey and beer from the 'rents. Now however, there is no sneaking it anymore, it's everywhere! From bars, to stores, even some barbershops! My family has essentially been destroyed by alcoholism, even if some won't say it, it's true! and if you are my family and reading this, know that I love my family, but this is an issue that is deeply rooted. It is a terrible beast, consuming the loving nature of my soul and converting it into a bitter "spirit." I suppose some can handle booze, most can't and won't admit it. I know I could never admit it...I would just get tanked as hell and then worry about the rest when I woke up...even if it was in a vomit laden bathroom floor.
At first it was funny to hear about the stupid crap I did when I was drunk, now it's beginning to wear deep into me. Should I be proud? Proud of the fact that I have now been able to raise my tolerance level so high I have to nearly give myself a pickled liver to get a buzz??? I can literally kill a 750ml bottle myself within a night... That simply is not right, and no matter how it is justified, it's just wrong.
The lines started getting a bit blurry for me when I noticed that my actions weren’t "cute," at least they certainly weren’t the anecdotal adolescent acts I had fondly remembered while drunk. The laughing has simmered to a sympathetic chuckle, the overnight trips to the toilet have turned to two day hangovers, and last but not least, my relationships have turned to CRAP! I have poured so much money into feeding this beast that is never full until it consumes you and owns you as a malicious, borderline personality disorder style master. I noticed actions and thoughts in myself that, when I was a kid, I thought were absolutely horrendous for adults to participate in. I will NOT be that example. I am a better person than that! So that is it for you alcohol. You don't have me anymore! I am no longer going to be your slave! I have thought," well what if I go to Vegas?" or some other trip... won't I want to drink then? Yeah, likely I may want to drink... Will I? NO! What fun is Vegas without alcohol? Well I guess I will just have to give it the old college try and find out...
I am strong and dedicated to more that you, booze! I can and will achieve the things I want and without you stopping me, my dreams will come true so much faster... To my other friends reading this and thinking that you can handle it, you, at least most of you...can't. We are all STUPID for drinking, what is the point??? What do you get out of it?! An empty wallet, a bad hangover, another night of life you could have spent doing something that matters. I am not waiting for my DWI before I change, I am not waiting for some catalyst...what better a time than when I have the rest of my life ahead of me to stop. So goodbye booze, I shant be missing you.
At first it was funny to hear about the stupid crap I did when I was drunk, now it's beginning to wear deep into me. Should I be proud? Proud of the fact that I have now been able to raise my tolerance level so high I have to nearly give myself a pickled liver to get a buzz??? I can literally kill a 750ml bottle myself within a night... That simply is not right, and no matter how it is justified, it's just wrong.
The lines started getting a bit blurry for me when I noticed that my actions weren’t "cute," at least they certainly weren’t the anecdotal adolescent acts I had fondly remembered while drunk. The laughing has simmered to a sympathetic chuckle, the overnight trips to the toilet have turned to two day hangovers, and last but not least, my relationships have turned to CRAP! I have poured so much money into feeding this beast that is never full until it consumes you and owns you as a malicious, borderline personality disorder style master. I noticed actions and thoughts in myself that, when I was a kid, I thought were absolutely horrendous for adults to participate in. I will NOT be that example. I am a better person than that! So that is it for you alcohol. You don't have me anymore! I am no longer going to be your slave! I have thought," well what if I go to Vegas?" or some other trip... won't I want to drink then? Yeah, likely I may want to drink... Will I? NO! What fun is Vegas without alcohol? Well I guess I will just have to give it the old college try and find out...
I am strong and dedicated to more that you, booze! I can and will achieve the things I want and without you stopping me, my dreams will come true so much faster... To my other friends reading this and thinking that you can handle it, you, at least most of you...can't. We are all STUPID for drinking, what is the point??? What do you get out of it?! An empty wallet, a bad hangover, another night of life you could have spent doing something that matters. I am not waiting for my DWI before I change, I am not waiting for some catalyst...what better a time than when I have the rest of my life ahead of me to stop. So goodbye booze, I shant be missing you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 522
Welcome laslos. You've come to the right place.
I've been trying for a year to get sober and stay sober. I only have just over a week sober now, so I don't have any words of wisdom. I'm sure the many good people of this community will be along shortly.
For now, just know that you are not alone fighting this thing of ours.
All the best,
-SD
I've been trying for a year to get sober and stay sober. I only have just over a week sober now, so I don't have any words of wisdom. I'm sure the many good people of this community will be along shortly.
For now, just know that you are not alone fighting this thing of ours.
All the best,
-SD
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Austin
Posts: 7
Thank you. It's just so hard, as I am sure it is for everyone...but it just feels so easy to say I don't have a problem... even some of the people that I know are telling me that I'm not... it may be time to find new friends.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Austin
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by Tigger41 
Today is a great day not to drink. You can spend all day tomorrow being thankful they you no longer do.
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Toronto area
Posts: 67
Welcome 
I used to think it wasa cute and funny too, listening to the stories the next day. Often the people who think it's funny or think you don't have a problem, usually have a problem themselves and are denying it by denying that you have one. A friend of mine has posted on FB today "Alcohol: Because no good story starts with "so this one time I was eating a salad..." and I know that her and everyone who has "liked" the comment or posted something about it are all alcoholics. Beind a good ole drinker seems to have heroic status at some points, and then it slowly takes its toll and destroys lives. Good for you for wanting to quit and posting. I am new here as well and the support is awesome.
I used to think it wasa cute and funny too, listening to the stories the next day. Often the people who think it's funny or think you don't have a problem, usually have a problem themselves and are denying it by denying that you have one. A friend of mine has posted on FB today "Alcohol: Because no good story starts with "so this one time I was eating a salad..." and I know that her and everyone who has "liked" the comment or posted something about it are all alcoholics. Beind a good ole drinker seems to have heroic status at some points, and then it slowly takes its toll and destroys lives. Good for you for wanting to quit and posting. I am new here as well and the support is awesome.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Austin
Posts: 7
Isn't that amazing that with movies like Beerfest etc, they make it seem like what a "man" does... and people CONSTANTLY post that stupid stuff up on FB. The part I am most upset about is that I have watched my mom, grandpa, sister and many many friends destroyed by booze. I just never thought I would be one of those people, but I suppose if I nip it in the bud at 27 I won't be flat on my but at 56 like my mom. :-(
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 818
Welcome and congratulations for having the courage to make a commitment to Day 1.
You will certainly find support in these forums. I came here last week and immediately received the support I needed. You are with friends who understand.
You will certainly find support in these forums. I came here last week and immediately received the support I needed. You are with friends who understand.
MINEr
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Bay Area, Ca
Posts: 505
Welcome. Beating alcoholism is a tough battle, but it's rewards are great. I am almost six months sober after 25+ years of heavy drinking and drugging, and I feel like I have been reborn. Keep an eye on your health the next few days, and don't hesitate to see a doctor, my withdrawals would've killed me without medical supervision. Best of luck to you.
camedown
camedown
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Mt
Posts: 298
Welcome laslos, be kind to yourself. I found a gentleness is needed in those first few days. Detoxing is dangerous alone. If you feel that you don' t or can't seek medical advice please let someone know that you will be "drying" out over the next few days, so if something arises you have help. Good luck, I am like your mother, but I am sober at 50 and I dinked around for 30 years thinking that drinking was what I wanted to do. So if this sounds motherly well thats what I am and so my dear take care of yourself.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: NJ
Posts: 170
Holy crap Laslos!! That was a brilliant post!! Charrrge!! Really enjoyed reading it and you have a great attitude going into this. Although only you can ultimately control whether or not you drink, I found this site has made my sobriety (45 days) so much easier! I think it should be very helpful to you as well!! Best of luck and welcome!
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