Pigtails

I'm on Day 17 and this is as far as I've ever made it in my attempts at sobriety so far. So today is huge because I want to push through and arrive at Day 18 (and so on).

I got really nervous because today my boyfriend and I are traveling to another city to spend Thanksgiving with my sister, who is flying in from back East; we are meeting up at her good friend's house for Thanksgiving. My sister was asking me if I really wasn't going to be drinking this weekend. I said that's right and she was like, "nothing at all?" and said her friend with whom we're staying/celebrating was buying drinks for everyone to have over the weekend, and that the plans include a tour of a famous brewery. At first I kind of struggled, thinking, how am I going to do this when even my sister thinks I should drink?! But then I just said "none for me, thanks," and it felt so good to have that established. At least I let her know to count me out, and I am fine with that. I told her I will still have fun, and I will-- I love getting to see my sister, who is also my best friend. :-) And I will enjoy celebrating Thanksgiving sober.

Last night I went to an AA meeting (the same one I went to a week ago that I liked-- a small women's group) and as usual it felt weird at the time but it helped a lot in the long-run. I have a much better attitude today than I did yesterday, so I think when I get back from the holiday vacation I will try to make it to meetings more often. The women yesterday told me to get a sponsor and work the steps. I'm not even quite sure what all that means but I've decided to do whatever will help, because I didn't see and still don't really understand how going to meetings could help, but it does.

Thanks everyone for your continued support. I'm excited to reach my "as far as I've gotten" mark and keep pressing forward. Last time I relapsed at Halloween due to the old "but everyone is drinking and expects me to drink, and so why can't I?" excuse/way of thinking, but I am determined not to do that over Thanksgiving. (It helps that Thanksgiving isn't nearly the "party holiday" that Halloween is. I am still nervous about New Year's Eve but am trying to just focus on this day/hour/minute!

honeypie

Congrats on 17 days Pigtails! Safe and sober travels and try to stay connected to SR...!

Tigger41

Pigtails - that rocks! And I think you will have fun - you don't have to drink to enjoy yourself. I'm so proud of you for telling your sister and sticking to it. I think she's just going to be happy to see you as well.

And don't stress about NYE (I'm determined to not think about it until Jan 1 )

So proud of you as I'm sure you are of yourself. Just think 3 more days and you'll be at 3 weeks. Happy banana dance for you!! You're doing Fantastic!

Pigtails

Okay! That should be easy since I recently bought (thanks to my job and its technology budget ) an awesome Tablet and a mobile hotspot so that I can go on the Internet anywhere. It's rather hard to type but I can read posts to my heart's content!!

Happy Thanksgiving.

Pigtails

ha ha, I love the banana dance guy. I can't wait to reach 3 weeks!

I've been a roller coaster of emotions lately -- the last few days have been pretty angst-ridden and confused, but today I am flying high. I hope to keep that feeling up, and it should be easy around my sister and not having to work, etc., but no matter what, I won't drink!

Pigtails

I just gave my boss a draft project I had been working to finish before this long weekend, and so I'm about to leave work and get ready for my Thanksgiving trip!

I just had lunch with some co-workers and my boss because our assistant is leaving. The assistant who is leaving told another assistant about a crazy party we had about a year ago when I (and she) did some stupid drunken things (not at work or work-related). So that assistant was teasing me about it and saying that the rumors were spreading like wildfire. I felt really embarrassed and frustrated, like, really?!?! Here I am trying to get and stay sober and people are bringing up things I did a year ago while I was pretty much at the height of my alcoholism?! Can I ever get past this?? Of course now that the assistant is leaving she thinks it's fine to talk about crazy parties we had, but she didn't when she had to work here. I know it was stupid to get drunk with an assistant (she is not my assistant, but my boss's, and we are friends but it was still stupid) but I had horrible judgment when I was drinking.

That was a bummer in my day and made me want to just change jobs/cities/lives forever! But I can't right now so at least I am ensuring I don't do any other crazy drunken things that people at work can talk about! When these same co-workers and I went out for a farewell "drink" for her on Monday, I drank water. I guess it takes awhile for people to notice that I am reforming my ways. And it's not that I care what they think so much as I am ashamed of myself and don't want to stay stuck in regret/the past.

Other than that rather big road bump, I am feeling good and am excited for the trip/Thanksgiving, and am very grateful for time off work, the chance to see my sister, and my sobriety. And for all of you here at SR. Thanks!

Tigger41

The more you stay sober the more it will look like she was making things up

Pigtails

Good point. I hope so. I feel really MAD at the assistant who is spreading the story (which is not the one I'm friends with/ the one who told her). She is anosy busybody and I hate her. I realize it's my fault for giving her fuel for her fire but I just need to post that I am really angry. I don't even feel angry very often, let alone at people I barely know/care about what they're doing or saying. I guess I'm taking my anger at my past self out on her. It's a weird feeling for sure.

SadRN

WOW! Drinking too much, and not having the best judgement!!! WHO could ever do THAT?! ?!?!?(Other than myself for the last 14 yrs, and everyone else on this sight at one time...) Good for you for telling your sister no in advance. I do find it difficult when I'm out with a bunch on "Non-alcoholic" drinkers who give you the "Oh here, just have one" speech. Touring a brewery??? YIKES! I'm doing my best not to beat myself up over what I've done in the past. Today and what I do NOW is what matters. Hugs to you, and I wish you a wonderful, enjoyable, SOBER holiday.

Pigtails

Thank you for the encouragement. Happy Thanksgiving to you too.

Jester1025

Great job on your 17 days Pigtails! Have a very safe and sober holiday!

Pigtails

Thank you! You too!!

Anna

Pigtails, sometimes we can be blind-sided at a time in our recovery when we're doing well, and some comment or other can knock us off balance. I think it's part of the recovery process. And, as you said, it affirms your belief that you are on the right path now, and that's positive. Also, I had to learn healthy ways to deal with emotions. I had no clue how to express anger, so it was a learning experience for me at the time.

It sounds like you're doing well.