Didn't work.
 

Hey,

Back in Early October about a month ago, I posted a blog on this about how I would, on Friday and Saturday nights, sneak a twelve pack of beer past my parents in to my room and get drunk while playing on the computer. It's a habit that I have been trying to break for a year. You can read this blog entitles "I am done with this crap" by Colt you can search for it....(they don't let me post a link) . I tried moderation...didn't work.

That's kind of been the insanity that I have been dealing with. I thought I could try moderation and that I'd be fine. Nope, no such luck. This issue is clearly more than just a breakable habit.

I thought I could delete my account here, not get any support and tell myself that I could drink moderately. It certainly seemed like a possibility, especially since I never held myself accountable like that before. I failed the test. I didn't really want to drink moderately...I wanted to get drunk.

My dad used to have the same problem. When he drank, there was no such thing as just one. He quit twenty some years ago. Same thing with me. One drink leaves me feeling teased. Even 5 drinks leave me feeling teased. On a typical binge, I'd down an entire twelve pack and a twelve pack was about enough to make me happy. To have anything under seven or eight drinks feels like about the equivalent of starting to have sex and then having to stop right before orgasm...pleasurable yes, but very frustrating.

I need to get out of this. I can easily go a month of no drinking. I've done that before. I need to figure out a way to shut down or quiet or beat out that part of my brain that says "what about parties" "what about trying that nice-tasting liquor that you've never had before" "what about having a drink on New Year's" "you used to smoke only while you drank...get drunk and don't smoke and you could further break the association" "what about that study that says moderate drinkers outlive abstainers." It goes on and on and on.

Even now I can't quite fathom the idea of never having a drink for the rest of my life. But then again, there are numerous people who don't drink, about 33% of the population in fact, so being a non-drinker is quite common and easy to do. I do know that at the very least, I need to go completely abstinent for a very very long time...at least 100 days. I probably just need to quit forever...but I can't quite wrap my mind around "forever" at this point.

I am VERY good at willpower, which is good, but I know that it is not enough. What do I do when Friday night rolls around or some special even rolls around and my mind says that it is okay to drink? Right now, "sober/sane me" is in control, so what can I do to keep crazy me at bay?

Just a quick note...no AA for me. I have read plenty about AA and I do not like them.

But any suggestions as to how I can make myself stay in control and how I can reduce cravings for alcohol when they come around...that would be much appreciated.

I don't go to AA but I do admit I am powerless to stop the cravings, if I have a drink. It's a biological fact, it's the way I am built. I do not feel satisfied until I have had way too much, even then I would keep going. The thinking part that goes with the cravings is not uncommonly called the addictive voice. I cannot control that either, but I can control what I do in response to it.

Forget about forever , it never comes.

Hey Colt! Wow, I do recognize a lot of that rationalizing talk. That kind of inner dialogue is what kept me drunk for so long.

Bottom line? It's going to suck. There's no easy way to break the habit. It's pretty uncomfortable and it will p!$$ you off to have to live inside your own head at first. You have to do it anyway.

I don't do AA either, although I'm more neutral when it comes to judging- it works for a lot of people, you know? You have to do whatever works best for you. For me, I have to plan my evenings like I'm running a really important event (it IS really important) I plan stuff I like to do, stuff I like to eat, fun non-challenging stuff that I can just enjoy. If I let myself start needing something emotionally or physically during my vulnerable times (evenings, especially weekdays) I am weaker when my cravings hit.

Urges to drink will come, and the best you can do is get ready for them. Analyze your weak moments and use that knowledge to help you win the fight. Don't let yourself get anywhere near feeling like you're going to fail. Once it is a possibility in your mind, you have opened the door to a relapse.

Once drinking was no longer an option, I stopped drinking.

I just made myself a card-sized pros/cons list for drinking that I am going to keep in my wallet. I am going to read it and go over it often.

It says alcohol pros: The buzz, fitting in to social groups, less anxiety, possibly heart-healthy.

Alcohol cons: The hangover, being outcasted, more anxiety (anxiety over health effects, and mild acute hangover/withdraw), very damaging to liver/kidneys, cost lots of money, time wasting, interferes with fitness/workouts, empty calories, safety risks, sleep problems, possibly having a smoking relapse, moderate drinking is just a tease, alcohol drives me to do dishonest secret things, make bad decisions, guilt, lowered motivation, not pursuing hobbies, mood swings, bad for my blood pressure, increased worrying and it is literally a poison.


The interesting thing is that for every benefit, there is an equal or greater counter-benefit...for instance, the buzz comes with the hangover, the fitting in goes with being outcasted, and less anxiety goes with more anxiety. I am going to keep that card in my wallet and whenever I feel a craving, I am going to look at the card and ask myself if this is what I want to sign up for.

I found reading the crash course on AVRT very helpful. Look it up online if you'd like. It's quick and you can read in less than 10 minutes.

What about talking to your dad about it, also realize all the things you can accomplish if you stop now while your young instead of wasting time till your in your fortys. Your not going to be missing anything, your peers will admire intelligence and your grasp personal responsibility. Women will want you and men will want to be you.

Seriously, you already know what to do. You wont regret anything in 20 years.

Hi!

I read a book by Allan Carr called the easy way to quit drinking. I think it can help peoPle, especially those who don't want to go to AA. It made me happy about never drinking again. And after reading it I would have crossed the "pros" off your list:)

SR was also critical for me getting and staying sober since I didn't go to AA.

I hope you can find whatever you need to keep you on the sober side of life.

I am glad you read about AA, but I dont think you can say you dont like them (me). You have never meet or talked.

Big part of recovery is learning not to judge . :)

Good luck with whatever road you choose.

Hi Colt,
The pros/cons list is a great idea. I did it myself in early recovery. I already had a feeling what the list would look like, but it was really shocking to see just how few pros there are versus the ridiculous amount of cons to drinking. I think I had something like 1 (possibly 2) pros for drinking, and about 30 for not!

Colt - if you don't think AA is for you' try SMART. I have never been to a meeting (none in my area) but I know others who have and really see a benefit. You can also look them up online and learn more about it.

Hello Colt.

I'm not an AA guy either, however, the program has some very valuable concepts even if you don't go to meetings. Self study of the Big Book and a general adherence to some of the AA principles has really worked for me.

It was hard in the beginning for me and most of us to accept that we can't drink anymore-- EVER. This was very overwhelming for me. What I was able to get my mind around was that I would not drink today.Simply taking my sobriety one day at a time is what I do.

Lots of support here at SR. Thanks for sharing with us.

Colt, I think it's great that you recognize there are a lot of people who don't drink for various reasons and that alcohol is 'not' everywhere. I think because alcohol becomes an obsession for alcoholics, we think of it as being everywhere, when in fact it isn't.

I understand you wanting to quit for 100 days. If I had done that, I would have found that I didn't make the changes in myself and my life that I wanted and needed. In other words, I had to know that alcohol was never an option in my life, before I could begin to think of dealing with life without numbing myself. As long as there was a tiny crack in my thinking saying 'maybe', I didn't change.

Colt, I had "contempt prior to investigation" for AA too, but anyways...I found it helpful to not try to wrap my head around NEVER drinking again. I just don't drink today. I do what I need to do to stay sober today. (Part of that is trying not to pass judgment on others.) Hope you find that helpful.

--Fenris.

Eventually I became desperate enough to try AA because after years of trying to get sober nothing else seemed to work. I reached a point where I had nothing to loss by trying AA, and a lot to lose (marriage, kids, job, house, . . . ) if I didn't get sober.

I'm just saying, don't be quick to dismiss an option unless you have honestly tried it.

AA or no AA, have some solid recovery plan in place if you decide to get hitched to sobriety forever. Being a dry drunk is a miserable existence. Like one person said above, researching AA's books and principles wouldn't hurt, it's not by accident that they are the longest running and most succesful organization committed to sobriety. Good luck!!!


camedown :headbang:

some great advice here Colt :)
Welcome aboard :)

D