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My latest binge/relapse

Old 11-22-2011, 11:46 PM
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My latest binge/relapse

So, this past weekend my university had its big rival football game. Lots of alumni there, including myself, and lots of drinking. I went out with some of my old college friends, to bars, and drank diet soda and iced tea the whole time! I made it through the entire weekend without drinking alcohol, despite being surrounded by it. Then, on Monday, I relapsed! I guess i was having this mindset of "can't drink, can't drink, can't drink" all weekend, and then after I made it through that, "rewarded" myself with alcohol...just like I always did in college. A big exam one week, and the weekend comes, time to drink! I'm afraid I still think like that.

Btw, I don't go out to bars regularly; this was just one special time. If I went out to bars regularly, I'd become dead in the water pretty fast.
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Old 11-23-2011, 12:05 AM
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Sorry to hear that. We have to learn to live sober 24/7 despite what our circumstances, or how we feel. It is easier said than done. Do you have a plan going forward?
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Old 11-23-2011, 12:14 AM
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Not really... I try different things, but no concrete plan.

I wanted so badly to be able to drink "normally", but that is not an option anymore. There is nothing as good as the buzz I get from alcohol.

How do you stay sober?
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Old 11-23-2011, 12:14 AM
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I often found I'd make it through something sober where others where drinking, then go home and drink myself.

Sometimes it was like I felt I needed a reward for being good, sometimes I was just plain envious of other drinkers, and sometimes I just couldn't stand not drinking any longer.

It took me 20 years to get to a point where I accepted that alcohol and I had a toxic relationship - I was never and could never be a normal drinker, and I could not drink under any circumstances if I wanted the kind of life I wanted to lead.

I think it's a big ask to be around other drinkes too soon - especially at things like football games.

I took myself out of social circulation until I was 100% to being sober no matter what the situation or the the pressures on me.

Those few months I took 'off' have really been a great investment for my recovery

D
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Old 11-23-2011, 12:20 AM
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Yeah, but I feel like, you can't just avoid whatever in life, just because there is alcohol there.

And these friends are more than just drinking buddies...although I did turn down a New Years invitation from one of them, because there will be drinking there.
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Old 11-23-2011, 01:04 AM
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Originally Posted by Seared View Post
And these friends are more than just drinking buddies...
Perfect! You will be able to find lots of other healthy things to do together and keep your friendships with them while you're getting better I had to stop hanging out with many friends when I quit because I knew I would drink if I hung out with them at bars. It was a big bummer and I still miss some of them!
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Old 11-23-2011, 05:33 AM
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I can relate to your story. Many times I controlled my drinking very well, only to have a blow out at a later time.

A couple of reasons come to mind.

First, if eveyone saw me drink only a beer or two they would conclude that I didn't have any problem with alcohol. I did this for a long time, one of the reasons other people never saw me as having a problem.

Second, when I would be in a social situation with others, I knew that nobody in the group wanted to drink like I did. If I wanted to get drunk I would need to do it with a different peer group. For the last several years my peer group was me.

The lyrics from the old George Thorogood song "I drink alone" descibes it pretty well.
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Old 11-23-2011, 06:14 AM
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Like Dee, I took myself out of circulation too. I had had a similar experience to yours - got through a neighborhood party early in recovery with hard work, but went out and bought alcohol the next day. I had to make the decision at that point, to change a LOT in my life.

If your friends are more than drinking buddies, then meet them for coffee, go for a walk, go shopping, do things where alcohol is not involved.
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Old 11-23-2011, 06:43 AM
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I continue to be surprised by how easy it is to not drink with my friends. If there isn't beer in the fridge they just don't care. They aren't alcoholics. Lucky them I guess. Fortunately, I never really liked bars anyways--too expensive and full of puking rookies. Unfortunately, my whole life seems to be a "trigger" as a result. If my eyes are open, it's drinking time! Good luck, we're all rooting for you.
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Old 11-23-2011, 06:52 AM
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Originally Posted by Seared View Post
So, this past weekend my university had its big rival football game. Lots of alumni there, including myself, and lots of drinking. I went out with some of my old college friends, to bars, and drank diet soda and iced tea the whole time! I made it through the entire weekend without drinking alcohol, despite being surrounded by it. Then, on Monday, I relapsed! I guess i was having this mindset of "can't drink, can't drink, can't drink" all weekend, and then after I made it through that, "rewarded" myself with alcohol...just like I always did in college. A big exam one week, and the weekend comes, time to drink! I'm afraid I still think like that.

Btw, I don't go out to bars regularly; this was just one special time. If I went out to bars regularly, I'd become dead in the water pretty fast.
Thank you for sharing. I am learning the same thing about myself. I can be around alcohol/drinkers for a bit and be okay, but if it becomes consistent, I get this attitude of "I can't do it, so I want to." It is easiest for me to just not be around it, and, when I have to be, to focus on the attitude of "I CAN drink, but I don't want to, because the benefits of sobriety are so great and continued recovery is my goal."

You've picked yourself back up and can only go forward from here. :-) Best wishes.
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Old 11-23-2011, 06:59 AM
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I'm a bartender. All my friends drink. 98% of my family drinks. I have to realize that I am not a "normal" drinker, some people can have just 2 and then stop. Nope, not me. We have to deal with being around others that do partake. I confide in a few close family and friends of my abstinence. I do not feel like I need to carry a sign "Im quitting", this is a private journey for me. I do not judge others, only me. I only have to change this thing about me. It's my job, nobody can make me, nobody can fix me. It's me and the voices I have to tame. Im 16 days sober, and it would be reallllllllyyyyy depressing to go back to 1. It gets easier they say. We aren't here to change the world eh? Bars, parties, football games are always going to be around us. Learn how to deal with it sober, it is so much better in the mornings! SR has so many great people who have the same stories as us....listen, read, and learn. Good luck to you.
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Old 11-23-2011, 11:41 AM
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Thing is, I caved and bought a bottle of vodka on Monday and I'd been hiding it in the trunk of my car, where the spare tire is, until just now when I ended up telling my gf where it was hidden... I'm a hider of bottles...
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Old 11-23-2011, 11:56 AM
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Originally Posted by Zebra1275 View Post
First, if eveyone saw me drink only a beer or two they would conclude that I didn't have any problem with alcohol. I did this for a long time, one of the reasons other people never saw me as having a problem.

Second, when I would be in a social situation with others, I knew that nobody in the group wanted to drink like I did. If I wanted to get drunk I would need to do it with a different peer group. For the last several years my peer group was me.

The lyrics from the old George Thorogood song "I drink alone" descibes it pretty well.
My story to a T zebra. Well said my friend.

I was a hider of 100s and 100s of bottles. I had a weird thing about hording the empties. It wasn't because I was worried about the garbage man as some have suggested. It just kinda gave a physical presence to the carnage of my life or something.
I had to accept my alcoholism on a level that made drinking not possible for me. That wasn't till it was closing in for the kill. It took 30 years. So seared what to do ?
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Old 11-23-2011, 01:55 PM
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Yeah, but I feel like, you can't just avoid whatever in life, just because there is alcohol there.
There's a difference between 'avoiding life' and making sure you're up to the challenge of living life sober I think.

You don't have to do it the way I did it, but trying to live essentially the same life sober as you did drunk is gonna be pretty hard - I could never do it - and I tried, believe me.

I think recovery means changes - it has to - who wants to stay the same person we were drinking?.

I'd start with the vodka bottle - dump it, seared

D
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Old 11-23-2011, 02:03 PM
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Sorry about your relapse. I bet it felt good that you made it threw the weekend without drinking when alcohol was everywhere. This would be a good to think about what made you want to drink alcohol on Monday. Learn from it and move on. Can't think about the past too much because it will bite you in the butt.
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Old 11-23-2011, 02:18 PM
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There is nothing as good as the buzz I get from alcohol

I used to think this too... until I was sober for a while and then realized that everything I did sober was better than the 'buzz'. And without the buzz there is no hangover, no sickness, no regret, no risk, no self hatred.
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Old 11-23-2011, 05:02 PM
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Seared,

I know you won't like to hear this but one of the major principles of sobriety is that you have to change your life. That includes leaving your old friends and old hang outs behind. That is a very hard thing to do, but eventually you will realize that it comes down to that or sobriety. Good Luck
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Old 11-23-2011, 05:04 PM
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welcome to SR asylum01

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Old 11-23-2011, 05:19 PM
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Hi Seared,

I totally relate to your comment! I used to do the same exact thing! I would go out and not drink all weekend and then reward myself for not drinking. I felt I deserved it! I get it...I really do.

Until one night, I drank myself into a black out while I was "rewarding" myself and got a DUI (OVI) and ended up in jail in a jumpsuit and handcuffs. After $15,000 of attorney fees, a year of probation, a year without a drivers license etc. I decided to stay sober and haven't had a single drop since my DUI and it's been 3 & 1/2 years! It's so much better not drinking but I have to admit I DON'T GO TO BARS ANYMORE OR OUT WITH PEOPLE WHO DRINK. I can't do it. It's too tempting and risk losing too much.

Try to hang with a different crowd if you can. Try to at least get some time under your belt before you go out with the drinking crowd. It's very dangerous. Only you know if you are "done" drinking.

Good luck. Hang in there. Don't beat yourself up!
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Old 11-23-2011, 06:09 PM
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I think there were several distinct stages to quitting drinking for me. The time that worked for the last year and a couple of months anyway was when I decided I didn't ever want to drink or smoke again. That I was willing to do what ever it took to get there, and I would marshal a support group here and at SR that covered me face to face, with my friends and family my docs and my kids and grandkids. A safe in hospital detox and some rehab and even though my wife still drinks and smokes in moderation that my problem is not hers and her drinking has nothing to do with me or my sobriety.
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