EDHARLEY

In the future what do our lives hold. It is a weird thought. To me I know that I am happier not drinking mostly because when I drink now I get overwhelming anxiety.. the kind I used to get after I used cocaine or X. I have nervous breakdowns.. so I know that I have to quit drinking. I have a problem though.. every time I think about the future I never imagine having a drink in my hand. That is one side.. but I constantly also think negative thoughts about being alone because I cannot drink and can’t imagine my life without it.. I can’t explain it but I always catch myself wondering, getting overwhelmed etc. I like many others used my drinking to escape.. found myself drinking alone mostly listing to music think/daydreaming what I was going to accomplish but seemed to never do. I hope that someone can identify.. am I negative because I now have to face the reality that I can do these things and if I don’t it’s my choice? Very confused about these thoughts. Will consider it more. If anyone has felt the same way let me know or if anyone has any insight please let me know. I think I hid behind the addiction... which I hated.. but when I get sober I.. well not sure..It might go back to the crutch thing.. just thinking out loud.. Thanks in Advance.

Jenners

I'm still not exactly sure why I drink. I am genetically disposed. My mom and both sisters are alcoholics so it runs in my family. I have also had a few tragedies that have caused dips in my disease, but right now in my life, I have everything. I have a wonderful marriage, amazing little creatures that are my kids, a good job, financial security. I have no idea why drinking makes me feel so good (even though it actually makes me feel soooo shiteous). I know I am wrecking everything, and that I will die young and lose all of this, if I don't lose it sooner. All I know is that while my present sucks for me because I am hiding this disease that is consuming me, my future will be way worse if I do not stop because I will lose all of the wonderful things I have now, I will have mcu more work to do to recover, and my body will be that much more damaged. We only get one life, right?

Dee74

If you think too much about the future and what ifs you'll go mad Ed.

I had to make it easy on myself - I reasoned I had x days, whatever it was, sober now... I hadn't died and my head didn't explode

I just had to do the same again today....

If the futures too immense to deal with, try breaking it down to 'I will not drink today'.
I know others have other approaches, but this worked for me in the beginning...

You'll have plenty of chances to see what the future holds Ed - in my experience, though, my fear of the future was always far worse than the reality.

The fact that there's a lot of us here still sober after how many years is a pretty good recomendation for sober living I think

I don't regret my decision Ed - you won't either

D

Tigger41

Yeah I get it - kind of freaks me out if I think of never drinking again - but I'm trying to think of it as not "doing without" as much as "I'm leaving behind" It was worse last week when I really had to come to terms with I can never drink again. But I tried to relate it to something I've done before (I'm no spring chicken)

I used to smoke (years ago) and couldn't imagine my life without a cigarette -

Like
Oh my how the heck am I going to drink my morning coffee?
How am I ever going to drive for long distances?
How am I going to get going in the morning?
What the heck am I going to do after a meal?

Now years later (in fact I felt this way about 2 years out) I'm like - yuck how could I ruin my morning coffee with a smoke? How could I drive 10 hours with not being able to breath. Now I don't smoke and there's not a day that goes by that I think "Man if I could just have one more cigarette" nope don't want one no matter what and I think it can be that way with drinking.

Right now I'm not there, not by a long shot but I already see my thoughts starting to change - I really do - I already see me being able to in a few years thinking "Why would I ruin this fun time with a drink"

That's my goal

So for now give your mind a chance to change and maybe try helping it. Every time you think
"You mean I can never have a drink again" right then try to change it to
"Man why would I ever want a drink again"

I don't know - this could be a bunch of BS and in another month I'll be losing my mind saying "What do you mean I can never drink again!!" But I hope not -

EDHARLEY

That helped a lot but to better explain

Right now I am
at about 40% Ugh I can never drink again
20% Yea I have time can achieve all I wanted to do..
40% Ugh I have time cannot escape and have to realize the fact that I might not be as ambitious as I thought I was and not do anything

Having to learn how to live again.. that is scary.. what do I do with my time.. every one or at least I kept saying one day this one day that but what if I dont do anything.. drinking was my escape I guess I will have to actually face my failures ..

EDHARLEY

That helped a lot but to better explain

Right now I am
at about 40% Ugh I can never drink again
20% Yea I have time can achieve all I wanted to do..
40% Ugh I have time cannot escape and have to realize the fact that I might not be as ambitious as I thought I was and not do anything

Having to learn how to live again.. that is scary.. what do I do with my time.. every one or at least I kept saying one day this one day that but what if I dont do anything.. drinking was my escape I guess I will have to actually face my failures ..

Tigger41

face your failures? Maybe have time to plan new successes

Today is an up day for me - sounds like a down day for you - I hope tomorrow is better for you