Day One...Again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Missouri
Posts: 3
Day One...Again
A good friend suggested I join this site and after months of just talking about it, I finally have come to check it out. I had gastric bypass surgery in Nov of 2009 and by Nov of 2010 I was a full blown alcoholic, having transferred my addiction from food to alcohol. By Jan of 2011, after only a few months of heavy drinking I was admitted to my first detox and rehab center. I have since repeated the process more times than I care to count. I have been in the psych ward twice as well. I have lost everything - my marriage, my job, my home, my car & license....I could go on and on but I'm sure many of you could make the same list of losses. I have lost everything but my children - thank God. And that's due to a supportive and loving family, who have offered myself and my children a place to live. I have gone from being a productive member of society to someone that I barely recognize. I look like hell, I feel like hell and my life has become hell. Not to mention the pure torture that I have put my two children through. That is what I am most ashamed of. I don't know how to deal with that guilt and yet I know if I don't, I'll drink yet again.
Everytime I stop drinking the pain of what I've done to my children, to my family and to myself drive me right back to the bottle. I cannot stand who and what I've become. And after a week or two of sobriety the only relief I can find is drinking. The problem with drinking is that it actually DOES work, but it's a temporary fix that only make it all worse.
Today is yet another "day one" for me and I really hope and pray it's my last.
Thanks for letting me ramble.
Everytime I stop drinking the pain of what I've done to my children, to my family and to myself drive me right back to the bottle. I cannot stand who and what I've become. And after a week or two of sobriety the only relief I can find is drinking. The problem with drinking is that it actually DOES work, but it's a temporary fix that only make it all worse.
Today is yet another "day one" for me and I really hope and pray it's my last.
Thanks for letting me ramble.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Present Moment
Posts: 646
A big welcome to SR - Glad you are here with us 
You CAN change your life...really...YOU CAN.
"Everytime I stop drinking the pain of what I've done to my children, to my family and to myself drive me right back to the bottle"
The only way to ease this pain my friend, is to stop drinking - that must be your first step. You can get out of this cylce of hell. The most beautiful gift you can give, is to get yourself well. We are all here to support you CD.
Keep reading and keep posting!
You CAN change your life...really...YOU CAN.
"Everytime I stop drinking the pain of what I've done to my children, to my family and to myself drive me right back to the bottle"
The only way to ease this pain my friend, is to stop drinking - that must be your first step. You can get out of this cylce of hell. The most beautiful gift you can give, is to get yourself well. We are all here to support you CD.
Keep reading and keep posting!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,391
Hi Carla'sDaniel - welcome
I understand regret and remorse - the illogical bit of this is we then go back to the bottle to 'fix' things....like you say it's not a fix at all.
I actually don't think it's working for you - the consequences look pretty grim to me, and you're stuck in a self destructive self perpetuating loop
I was there too.
The only way out is to break the cycle, and stop drinking.
I know it's hard - you have the physical withdrawal as well as the mental anguish - it's not easy and it's not fun - but you're not alone - there's a lot of support here and a lot of understanding too
Apart from us, have any any idea of a plan to help you stay stopped yet? recovery groups (AA etc) counselling, rehab again?
I do recommend you speak with your Dr - detox can be troublesome sometimes - even if we've done it a million times before.
great to have you with us
D
I understand regret and remorse - the illogical bit of this is we then go back to the bottle to 'fix' things....like you say it's not a fix at all.
I actually don't think it's working for you - the consequences look pretty grim to me, and you're stuck in a self destructive self perpetuating loop
Everytime I stop drinking the pain of what I've done to my children, to my family and to myself drive me right back to the bottle. I cannot stand who and what I've become. And after a week or two of sobriety the only relief I can find is drinking. The problem with drinking is that it actually DOES work, but it's a temporary fix that only make it all worse.
The only way out is to break the cycle, and stop drinking.
I know it's hard - you have the physical withdrawal as well as the mental anguish - it's not easy and it's not fun - but you're not alone - there's a lot of support here and a lot of understanding too
Apart from us, have any any idea of a plan to help you stay stopped yet? recovery groups (AA etc) counselling, rehab again?
I do recommend you speak with your Dr - detox can be troublesome sometimes - even if we've done it a million times before.
great to have you with us
D
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome to the forum, CD!
I'm sorry you've gone through so much, but glad you're here. It's helped me so much to know I have a place to go, day or night, and gain strength from others who know what it's like.
This can be the start of a better you. Keep telling yourself you deserve it, because you do!
I'm sorry you've gone through so much, but glad you're here. It's helped me so much to know I have a place to go, day or night, and gain strength from others who know what it's like.
This can be the start of a better you. Keep telling yourself you deserve it, because you do!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Philly PA
Posts: 814
Hey CD - so glad you made it here - sounds like you've had a really rough time and now you're ready to do something about it. It will be hard but I believe so worth it.
Here's a big hug:ghug3 and hope to see you posting here with a plan. You'll be so much happier with your relationships without the booze.
Here's a big hug:ghug3 and hope to see you posting here with a plan. You'll be so much happier with your relationships without the booze.
*Grateful*
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,619
I think it it is pretty common for people to switch addictions. I have, as I am a compulsive overeater, addict and alcoholic.
Stick around...find out what your pain is or what lies you have been believing that takes you to the food or bottle in the first place.
You are a beautiful person created by God.
Lily
Stick around...find out what your pain is or what lies you have been believing that takes you to the food or bottle in the first place.
You are a beautiful person created by God.
Lily
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