back on the horse....
 

:cries3:I feel like nothing I say on here can be taken seriously, quite honestly because I dont know if I can take myself seriously. I slipped up this weekend, woke up with the typical feelings of guilt and shame. And really was hard on myself. I ask myself, really? why do you forget about those feelings when someone offers you a drink? I am the hardest on myself. Probably way too hard, but I have always been that way, back to when I was a kid. I hate the person I see in the mirror today. I have to do this. I HAVE to stop all of the insane behaviors and really make the neccesary changes. I dont know if I am scared of being a dry drunk or what. But why does that bother me more than risking being the town drunk?? I gotta get my priorities straight and move forward. This too is another day 1. And I certainly hope the last!!! Im going to take a suggestion from another post I read and write down all of those feelings, and refer to them when I want to drink. Hopefully THAT will work in keeping me in check. ughhh...

Nothing changes, if nothing changes. What are you going to do differently this time to stay sober?

You are absolutely right. Well, I think I could first start by losing this chip on my shoulder. The one that makes me cringe when I talk to my inlaws, that makes me snap at my friends and makes me think that the grass is always greener. The sme one that looms around with me, keeping me in the valley, instaed of climbing the mountain. I find journaling to be very very theraputic for me. I havent really done any journaling recently. I have done none. No wonder why I would drink instead. If i drank, then I could keep those thoughts to myself and NOT put them on paper, making them real. well, its time to get real. I am not listening to av, i refuse. I have a great deal of determination in my blood... its time I use it!!!!

You must feel just terrible. Maybe you should write down now how you feel and then keep that paper with you. Kind of a reminder.

Commit and tell yourself "I will never drink again" silence the beast!!

Get back on the horse

im on it!!! now lets get galluping!!!! have a great day!!

One thing in your original post that stands out is about someone offering you a drink. Where are you and what kind of situation are you in that a drink gets offered to you?

I'm really glad to see you back on the horse and committing yourself to stop drinking. I like the idea of journaling. I wrote down things all the time when I stopped. It helped to go back to reading some of those things.

If you can avoid situations where a drink is offered to you, then I would. But if for some reason you can't avoid it then do this. Drink that drink in your mind and then drink 12 more and then follow it all the way till the next morning and the guilt and shame you would feel. Just think it through and then say, "I feel great right now, I want to feel great in the morning too so I really don't want that drink!".