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I'm breaking up with my boyfriend...I am confused.

Old 11-20-2011, 05:31 PM
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I'm breaking up with my boyfriend...I am confused.

My bf and I have been together for the past 4 months. He has been the sweetest person. He has many many many friends, both male and female and he gets along great with all of them. A real people person. I noticed however, that we can never go a full 2 weeks without having a fight or a disagreement. There were a few times where things got bad. So bad, that I ended it one time before. He was excessively mean toward me after an event.

As time went by, I realized that there was a side to him that I did not like. One where he was a disrespectful, lying person. I narrowed it down to him just not caring about me, at all, until this weekend. A few weeks ago, we made up after being apart for a month or so. We said we'd spend some time together over the weekend and boy was that a mistake. He came to my apartment totally drunk. I smelled the alcohol a mile away. His behavior that night scared me, badly. He was aggressive, rowdy. He was someone I did not know.

Then it occurred to me, every time we have had a serious argument or he did something questionable it was after drinking. Now he does not sit at home and just drink, he'd go out with friends and drink every weekend, but come home drunk. He said that sometimes when there is too much bullsh*t going on in his life, he goes to get drunk. I spoke to him at length on this, expressed my concerns and he said, promised that he would try harder to make this work, to not let the alcohol get the best of him.

Well it's not even 2 days after and he is out drunk again. I told him I'd come see him today, he says ok he's out but when he gets back in, he'd call me. He messages me to say he's home with some friends, drinking. He said he'd call me when he was heading inside, I told him don't.

What hurts the most in all this, is that I seem to be the only one that feels the brunt of it. All his friends love him. The like being around him, both his female and male friends. So what is so wrong on my end? Why am I the one seeing this other person when he is intoxicated? He has shouted at me, shoved me, cursed me, call me names and accused me of being unfaithful. Well I have had it. I tried so hard, to have patience, talk to him, everything, but nothing seems to work. I have been in turmoil for quite some time and after realizing what's happening, I don't think I want to continue this. I sat tonight and wrote him a letter which I intend on giving him tomorrow. I know I will miss the person he can be, but I just can't take the disappointment and abuse anymore. I hope I am not over reacting.
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Old 11-20-2011, 06:26 PM
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Hope all goes well with the break-up. From what you said, it seems he has issues of some sort .. maybe he is simply not ready or "grown up enough" (regardless of his age) for a mature, responsible relationship .. OR maybe there are deeper things going on. In any case, it's obviously not what you want in a relationship and, as is, it doesn't seem like a very stable base upon which to attempt to build anything better - at least not at this point, as he is not ready for any changes. *IMHO* .... So, no, I for one do not think you are over-reacting. Follow your gut instinct .. your inner voice. Good luck.
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Old 11-20-2011, 06:37 PM
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You've been with him for 4 months and he's already showed these signs

He has shouted at me, shoved me, cursed me, call me names and accused me of being unfaithful.
Drunk or not - that's not a real man. If you were to get into a serious relationship with him, the abuse would only become worse. I'm not entirely sure a letter is going to do anything but provoke him - It may be closure for you, but it could also open up many unwanted doors.

He needs help and if he's not willing to help himself, nothing will happen.. You cannot force someone to be someone you want them to be.
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Old 11-20-2011, 06:44 PM
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That sure is a lot to deal with in just 4 months and bottom line, he's ABUSIVE. Don't try and save him...he has to want to save himself.

Never make someone a priority, if they only ever consider you as an option.
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Old 11-20-2011, 08:14 PM
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4 months is not a long time to be with someone and have them exhibit that type of behavior. I would walk away and don't look back. Use this experience to your advantage when going into the next relationship, look for the signs and maybe it will only be 4 weeks or 4 days when you can make the same type of decision you're having to make now after 4 months. Consider yourself lucky that it happened now and not years down the road.
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Old 11-21-2011, 07:32 AM
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Thank you for sharing all that. It helped me understand your perspective.
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Old 11-21-2011, 07:45 AM
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Originally Posted by Llehsalr View Post
So what is so wrong on my end?
Nothing, he is an alcoholic that is fighting demons he doesn't understand.
Originally Posted by Llehsalr View Post
I hope I am not over reacting.
No, run away. He is on his way down the spiral. He'll unwittingly drag anyone down that is with him. You can't fix him. You can't save him.
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