TimFoot

I have a question for the long-time sober people who hang here and still go to AA, and I don't want this to come off as rude. As someone who is only 3 weeks into sobriety, I am not exactly encouraged by people I meet at AA or who post here who are several years into sobriety. Instead of being encouraging to me, it almost feels depressing to me that there may NEVER be a time when I can just be an ex-drinker who doesn't need to hang on internet bulletin boards or attend meetings to stay sober. It almost feels like why bother being sober if several years from now we will still be jonesing for a drink.

eJoshua

So is your solution to this problem to keep drinking?

freshstart57

Sober for 90 days today, Timfoot, from nearly a fifth a day. I don't jones for a drink anymore, and I don't go to meetings. AA is a lifesaver for many people, but there are other ways too.

LosingmyMisery

Not jonesing. That is the point of a program. Today, I don't drink and I don't want to drink. I come here to be reminded why I don't drink. The idea is to help others along as I was helped.

Dee74

I remember being annoyed at having to work at my recovery - it didn't seem fair when all my mates just..drank...

I had to remember tho...I'm not like others - if I lose my sobriety I lose everything else too.

I also gave a little of this action to folks who I thought were addicted to their recovery...but the more I stayed sober, the more I changed, and I like to think I grew - and I eventually I saw the point in what others were doing.

Hope that doesn't sound smug. I don't feel smug.

I've been sober now for nearly 5 years.
It's taken a lot of work to take me from the drunken mess I used to be for 20 years to here.

I like my life now - a lot - and I want to keep it that way...so I still do work on my recovery Tim.

It's not just about not drinking, it's about getting the best out of myself - that's important to me and not at all a chore.

I don't 'jones' for a drink anymore either..I'm comfortable with who I am now, and that Dee doesn't drink

give it a little more time Tim - 3 weeks is great but it's just the beginning....

D

aasharon90

21 yrs. sober here and why do I continue
coming here to SR or f2f meetings is because
I need to hear from the newcomers and those
who come in for awhile wanting to stay sober
or clean, then slip back into old behavior to
return back to the drink or drug. Then they
come back here or there letting me know that
alcohol and drugs are still kicking azz big time
now as it did 21 or more yrs ago.

That nothing has changed from the time I
was drinking to getting sober to now.

The newcomers need the oldtimers as we r
called because you can see for urself as well
as read or listen to the words of hope
and success stories.

That anyone, and I mean anyone can get
sober or clean if they truely want to. And
you dont have to do this by urself either
because I surely couldnt.

No i dont sit at my computer 24/7 but I am
connected most of the time sharing my own
ESH to whom ever wants to read it.

My sobriety means the world to me and today
i have graditude for being sober and dont find
it a chore to share with others how ive stayed
sober for as long as I have.

No, im not cured. This disease of alcoholism
can creep up on anyone, including me because
Im not exempt from it sneeking up on me,
tempting me to pick up that drink.

However, without placing me on a pedistal, I
walk side by side with the newcomer helping
and gently guiding them along in fellowship.

Im no different than anyone else here except
that I stopped drinking yrs ago, right where
many of u r starting out today.

With a program of recovery in place I continue
to live a day at a time incorperating the tools
of the step in my everyday life. Living them as
honestly as I can.

We all can learn from each other.

langkah

Yeah, early on I didn't understand either why someone would still be doing AA after they didn't drink for a while and I too came up with my own reasons why they would do that.

Ignorance of alcoholism is what I put that down to, and my desire that I would be able to get fixed quick and move on, leaving the distasteful episode of doing AA forgotten in my dust. People who were still involved years later indicated that possibly I was wrong, and I didn't like to be wrong.

But, I was wrong about most things regarding recovery. And preconceived notions and wrong information take time to sift through and discard. Just a few years later I understood some things differently, and the learning has yet to stop.

Hang in there.

Surlyredhead

TimFoot, please don't be discouraged. When I was early in my recovery, I attended a lot of AA meetings. I am positive that seeing people sober...AND seeing people who had rerturned after a relapse(I was one many times) is a major reason I am here today...with 17 1/2 years sober. I can honestly say, that I have not wanted to drink for almost all of that time. What I learned in AA and from others in recovery who never attended a meeting was how to deal with life without running back to my bottle. I learned how to deal with the mess I had made of my life and the relationships I lost due to my drinking..AND how to mend most of those situations. I also learned that not everyone in AA/NA is out for my best interest. Some of us were liars, cheats and theives BEFORE we ever started drinking, and being sober didn't change that, as with all phases of recovery/life, you have to be careful who you trust. I am happy to say, that most who are here are not in that catergory.

I have not attended a face to face meeting in over 14 years. I don't NEED to be here (although, I learn from every post I read and I am sure that helps my sobriety) I am here, simply because, my life is so much better without drinking.....I wouldn't feel right not passing that on. You see, even though I get a lot from this board, I am here because of what I can GIVE.

My sobriety doesn't consume my life, but my life is good because of my sobriety. Please don't give up, early sobriety is so confusing....the "what ifs" will only drag you down...stay strong, and know that we are here to let you know it CAN be done, and life is great sober. One day, you might just be answering a question similar to yours to someone else new to recovery. But for now, try to stay in the present and know you are not alone.

Cathy

least

I too no longer want to drink but I like hanging around SR cause of what I can give back. I was helped so much when I came here, desperate and struggling, and I want to give back the help and hope that was so freely given to me.

I am here to help newcomers, and that helps me too as it reminds me where I could end up if I drink again. So I give and get at the same time!

mattparadise

Ha... TimFoot... I'm right there with ya. This site is just a tremendous resource of good advice from all kinds of people following their recovery plans. I'm nearing my 6 months sobriety date and I'm not jonesing for a drink EVER at this point. Let me tell you that it will pass.

Like you, I don't find the old timers at AA encouraging either. You certainly don't have to attend AA meetings, get a sponsor, read the big book, follow the steps, etc in order to stay sober and be a happy person. There are a lot of myths about AA floating around out there that are just plain not true. Back in the day, it would seem that AA was considered the only way, but now it seems to be widely accepted that it's not. AA is more of just a suggestion.

So basically, be happy that you are sober today. Your voice is the one that counts; you can forge your own path and know that you don't have to turn out like one of the old timers in AA. I know I don't want to be like them either, but it's better than waking up in the emergency room.

TimFoot

Thank you all for your responses. They were all so informative and interesting.

Zebra1275

Well I just got back from a men's group meeting tonight which is my favorite meeting that I attend. While I'm not at the point where I'm going to say that I enjoy being an alcoholic, one of the positive aspects of that is that I'm eligible to be a member of a group with about a dozen great guys. I look forward to going to this meeting every week, and can see myself continuing for many years.

Mark75

Hi TimFoot, welcome to SR.

It's been three years, I am not jonesing for a drink. I go to AA because I want to. Certainly the amount of time I spend going to AA meetings is way way less than the time spent drinking. As far as SR goes, well, I like to think I can be of service and maybe my experience will benefit someone else. Also, I have made some friends here. It's interesting. When I lose interest, I may not be around these boards too much anymore.

You don't have to do anything you don't want to. Just worry about whatever it is you need to do today, tomorrow isn't here yet. You may decide someday that you are an ex-drinker and don't want or need to participate in AA or SR.... or, you may decide that you want to do exactly that, or something completely different.

Don't get out ahead of yourself, you are in the hard part of this journey, early sobriety is enough to keep you busy for now!

Hevyn

Hi Tim. Congratuations on your 3 weeks. Great job!

I do understand where you're coming from on this. I felt that way too once. I also am not longing for a drink - not anymore. That feeling left me a few months into my sobriety, as the fog cleared. As a chronic relapser, I visit here because I can't afford to ever forget where I've been. I check in daily to support those who come limping in here feeling hopeless and scared. I was once that person, and I'll never forget the wonderful welcome I received. Like Least, I feel that I'm giving back to a place that helped save my life.

artsoul

Hi TimFoot -

Congratulations on your 3 weeks! You should feel good about that - there are lots of people out there who wish they had that much time.

Like Mark said, this is all about what works for you. I don't think most people who have a lot of time are still running to meetings because they're craving a drink. I was different at 3 weeks sober than I was at 3 months or a year. It was hard to see the progress day to day, but somehow I went from feeling lost and thinking about a drink 24/7 to thinking about other things, feeling busy and content.

I still spend a lot of time here because yes, it does remind me of what alcoholism can do, but also because I enjoy it. I love seeing others get sober and help each other.

I can understand what you're feeling right now, but like I said, a lot of my feelings changed over time, so just do what's best for today and it will work out.:ghug3

Terminally Unique

I really don't know why I'm on here sometimes. Some days I think to myself "there is no way you can help most of these people, they just do not want to quit," and other days I think "man, I really wish someone had hit me with a 2x4 and stomped on my head way back and told me to summarily knock it off." I like to think the latter reason is why I hang around. To answer your main concern, though, I don't hang around these forums in order to stay sober, so I wouldn't worry about that. You won't always be jonesing.

MarylandRick

At 4 months sober I am far from an old timer. But even this early in my sobriety I can honestly say I don't go to AA meetings because I crave a drink. I go because I enjoy the meetings, I enjoy learning from the others, I want to help, and I have made a lot of friends.

Sugah

I don't consider myself a long-timer, though someone three weeks sober might see me that way (9 years). I also don't post on the forums as often as I used to, nor do I go to as many meetings as I used to -- in the beginning, I went mostly every day, and except for the rare week, I usually don't make it to more than two a week. I also can't remember the last time I so much as thought about taking the first drink. It's been years.

But I do stay involved. AA, my alcoholism, and the suffering of other alcoholics is never far from my mind. I sponsor other women, I correspond with folks seeking sobriety, and I do the things I've discovered through taking the steps keeps me in a spiritually fit condition. Even the AMA defines alcoholism as a "chronic, progressive, and fatal illness" if not kept in remission.

I do what I do because it's become my way of life. I began doing what I do because I discovered that at the root of my alcoholism there exists a fatal self-centeredness that will kill me if I allow it to flourish. Untreated, I will deny the harmful effects of alcohol on my body, my mind, my soul, and on others. Slowly or quickly, I will drink myself to death and maybe take a few others with me. So, reaching my hand out to others (rather needing meetings, this forum, etc. to keep the jonesing at bay) is the best way I've found to keep my own ego right-sized.

You may feel dread when you look at those of us who are still doing what we do years out, but I feel blessed. It's all a matter of perspective.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

SSIL75

QFT

I am not in AA but I do come here every day. People are nice and I hope I can help.

I have no cravings and haven't had for ages.

Ranger

Tim - It might be useful to consider the alternative, wherein there are no "old timers" hanging around and providing their collective wisdom and strength to the noobs.

What you see here is how it should be.

Good stuff. Congrats on your sober time!