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Feeling disheartened

Old 11-19-2011, 09:02 PM
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Feeling disheartened

Tonight was my first Saturday night at my new job as a cashier at a Super Target. It felt like everybody was buying alcohol. Thats practically all that I rang up. Wine and beer. I like being sober, but I actually found myself having a pity party because I couldn't drink like them. It doesn't help that I had the most realistic drinking dream last night! I woke up so grateful to be sober. Really I just needed to write all this down. Thanks for reading this. I hope everyone is having a wonderful sober Saturday night!
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Old 11-19-2011, 09:05 PM
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I bet you'll feel a lot better tomorrow than they all do, Eliasson

D
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Old 11-19-2011, 09:09 PM
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I can only imagine how hard this must be... I know I personally couldn't stand such a situation right now. I am well aware of my drinking problem, but seeing others enjoying "the stuff" still makes me sad deep inside as I know I can't have that kind of fun anymore.

On the other hand, realistically speaking... I would not have the fun they have even if I was drinking. I'd just be obsessed with making sure there is steady supply of new drinks.

Hope you'll have a good and sober Saturday night and a better day tomorrow!
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Old 11-19-2011, 09:20 PM
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Hi, Eliasson.

I can imagine how that must of been. Glad you posted about it. And you never know: maybe one or two of those customers are active alcoholics, wishing they could be in your shoes.... Hope the next shift goes a bit smoother.
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Old 11-20-2011, 06:06 AM
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One of the things that annoyed me about my drinking was the constant trips to the stores for alcohol, at 6am Id be checking the fridge and doing an inventory before going to work, sometimes while still groggy from the night before. When my usual liquor closed down I remember driving around looking for another store yelling liquor store into the GPS on my phone, how pathetic.

I DONT MISS ANY OF THAT, AT ALL.

Maybe this morning Ill have some steak and eggs, then drive over to target to buy some new flatware for dinner thursday, BTW I love target, so clean and nice, and Im always extra special nice to the people who work in retail, probably wasnt their first career choice.

Theres one lonely beer in my fridg, it will be 10 months old Dec 6th.
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Old 11-20-2011, 06:57 AM
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That must have been difficult - maybe next time you can really look at the folks buying it and try to guess how many wish they could just quit. I would always try to put on a happy face when I was running in to get my wine - sometimes I was happy - it would make me happy knowing I had a one or or day supply. Sometimes I would be happy I was getting a brand I especially liked.

But the other times (and towards the end there were more of them than the other) I was angry and sad. Mostly angry that I was having to stop by and get my stash. Annoyed that I had to go out of my way when I really needed to get going home. Stressed trying to figure out how I was going to get it into the house and replace the new rum bottle with the almost empty one in the cabinet. Where I was going to put the wine bottles? and if it had finally gotten bad enough for my OH to day something. It was stressful and I would be angry - when would they go to bed already so I could drink! My life was being run by when, how and where I could drink.

I was at Disney last year (I love WDW)... anyway I was at the Boardwalk villas and there was a woman - maybe in her 50's it was hard to tell. With a vodka bottle trying to make small talk with the cashier until it was legal for her to purchase it (Sunday morning I forget when but she had to wait another 10 minutes or so). I remember it being so sad, her trying to make conversation like everything was fine and dandy and she wasn't there on vacation - early Sunday morning trying to buy her alcohol for her to get though the day. She looked old and tired - I remember her very clearly to this day and that had to be 2 years ago.

I know this might not help but next time really look at the faces - may guess is you'll see more than the "I'm happy having a few drinks tonight" kind of look in the faces you're seeing.

Glad you got a new job -
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Old 11-20-2011, 07:04 AM
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i saw a woman yesterday obviously holiday shopping and gently placed one bottle of white wine and a six pack of craft beer into her cart, and i thought "Really? ... good thing i am not coming to your house for a party 'cause it would really suck"!

i would use holidays as an excuse to buy top shelf vodka and lots of it!

Sheesh
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Old 11-20-2011, 07:48 AM
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I remember one of the happiest days of my alcoholic life was when they passed the law in this state that allowed liquor sales before 12 pm on Sunday... sure, that really helped people like me!!! You get a lot of looks at 7 am in the grocery store strolling through with a liter of cheap vodka... everyday!

Now I only worry until what time Dunkin Donuts will still have garlic bagels!
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Old 11-20-2011, 08:03 AM
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I worked in an HEB store across the street
from Langham HS while my kids were there.
I didnt want to cashier because I wanted my
freedom to go outside when ever i wanted
or needed to. So I bagged groceries and
carried out for customers along with other
customer service duties.

I handled liquor for the customers but didnt
day dream about it, yet used it to my recovery
advantage. I know i cant drink sucessfully like
many can and know in my mind that all
alcohol is a control substance and poison to
my system. To drink for me would mean to die
and I was given a second chance to live sober
and enjoy life the way I was mean to enjoy it.

Sure they sent me to face bottle on the liquor
isle, but did a half-azz job doing it, because I
didnt want to linger there. And if a customer
broke a bottle and was asked to clean it up,
the smell was soooo strong and potent that i
hurried up to get away from that area.

Still not day dreaming about it. What good would
it do for me to dream about poison that almost
took my life and cause me so much heartache.

I may not have gotten paid much for what I
was doing, but I sure was glad to go outside
in the fresh air and sunshine no matter if it
was 100 degrees or freezing...
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Old 11-20-2011, 08:22 AM
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Originally Posted by Eliasson View Post
Tonight was my first Saturday night at my new job as a cashier at a Super Target. It felt like everybody was buying alcohol. Thats practically all that I rang up. Wine and beer. I like being sober, but I actually found myself having a pity party because I couldn't drink like them. It doesn't help that I had the most realistic drinking dream last night! I woke up so grateful to be sober. Really I just needed to write all this down. Thanks for reading this. I hope everyone is having a wonderful sober Saturday night!
Hey Eliasson , I totally get that and still get pretty bitter and envious sometimes . I guess we just have to accept it that we can't drink like 'normal' people . It sucks .
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Old 11-20-2011, 10:04 AM
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I''ve woken up feeling grateful every morning for the past 11 months. "Normal" people should be envious of me...
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