tammygirl

Yesterday, I drank a case of beer, yes, 24 cans of Miller lite. I started at 9:00 in the morning and stopped around 10pm.

I have been doing well in drinking, sometimes I even go a few days, but mostly I have been still drinking a few daily, nothing close to what I used to. I thought I was getting control of this.

I met a man almost two months ago and he adores me, he may be my soul mate and he has no idea about my drinking. I am hiding it from him. I almost lost him last night, I said some pretty mean things.

I am supposed to go to his house today and spend the rest of the weekend with him, but I am soooo hung over, all I want to do is stay home and wallow in my self pity.

I am so shaky, heart racing, sweating and just feel like ****. I haven't felt like this in two months, I really blew it. I don't think I could make the 45 minute drive to his house.

I took a xanax to help with the anxiety and shaking, but it's not working. i just want to be normal and feel okay so that I can spend time with this man who adores me.

It's 10am and I am a mess. I was hoping sleep would have sobered me up and I would feel okay, but not today.

I make two or three days and think, I'll just have one. I can't have one and yet i can't stop myself from trying out that thought.

Please help.

Tigger41

Hi Tammy wow my heart goes out to you. I'm new at this also but I've tried many times in the past to moderate. Once I decided to stop. To commit and to listen to folks on this board it became clear what I had to do.

Not drink. Not have just one. Sounds like you have a good guy. Go to him. Tell him you think yoh might have have a problem with drinking and you think you might not want to drink anymore.

Xanax doesn't help. I used to take that also. It doesn't help. I wish it did. Good luck we're here for you for support.

I think at this point you have to decide what kind of life you want but you took a big step admitting you have a problem.

newby1961

That is how I was toward the end of my drinking. What it took for me was going to treatment because I had to remove myself away from temptation. This disease is very powerful and it will tell us we don't have a problem, or that we can learn to control it. If you are an alcoholic like I am, I have lost the ability to control my drinking, and what it tells me in the Big Book is some pursue that into the gates of hell or insanity.
Do or have you ever heard of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous? It covers all of what you just wrote about in it. I know you can read it on-line here at least i think you can?
With me it always got worse never better. Stick around SR you will get some help here.
Peace.

Justfor1

If you can drink 24beers in a day then you have a obvious problem. Normal drinkers would have to be hospitalized after that amount. After going on a 2-3 day bender I would have withdrawals & taking my usual anti-anxiety pills would not help. I would be very shaky and think I was dying. The "hangovers' and withdrawals will get worse. Try to get some type of treatment or at least check out an AA meeting.

Cardinalfan

I can hear your pain, ouch, it's very familiar to my own story. I have someone who adores me and put up with my drinking for 3 years. He wanted me to quit, but I had so many excuses in my stressed out life. Excuses, can sabatosh your life, I had to put them down finally. And telling him I would "try" to quit....."try" meant maybe, maybe not....making a firm decision of "I am not going to take a drink today" was a huge step. Also, having the support of SR has been of enormous help. I'm only on day 12, and it has been one day at a time, but it feels like I'm going to get "me" back. You can do this too when and if you decide. It starts with "today I'm not drinking" then repeat, repeat, repeat. Stay in contact here, there is so much strength in SR. Big hug!

tanja

Tammy, I am so sorry that you are in pain. You really do have to harnass the desire to stop drinking and work at it on a daily basis. What you tell yourself is essential to recovery. Believe you can do it and take it one day at a time. Seek out support in any way you can.

Veritas1

If I were you. I would call and cancel plans for this weekend. You could make yourself a healthy breakfast, and get some rest today.

The big book of AA teaches us that we are in the grips of a progressive illness. It is a compulsion.

This inability to leave it alone, no matter how great the necessity or the wish.

This is when alcohol has more power than us. It has power over us. We drink way too much when we drink. We know we shouldn't and we do it anyway.

This is an unmanageable life. This is the life of someone with a problem.

3 questions

Do you have a drinking problem?
Do you want to do something about it?
What are you willing to do?

The answers should be yes, yes, and anything.

I learned this awhile ago. (It did not keep me from drinking! Knowledge doesn't I also learned).

I have a complusion. I have a deep seeded desire for destructive drinking. It will kill me, and so I must never drink. But how do I never drink?

I have to work at it daily.

What's your plan?

Have you tried the program of action outlined in the pages of the Big Book, called Alcoholics Anonymous?

You could call the AA hotline in your area and ask for a member to call you. You would instantly have a name, telephone number, support, access to meetings, and people that can help.

Something happens in my body when I drink. I have an abnormal reaction to alcohol. I will drink too much. I will crave more and more once I start. This has been my experience. I also have the experience of promising I will stop, knowing I should stop, staying stopped for awhile, and drinking again when I said I wouldn't and know I shouldn't, because I wanted that effect..that sense of ease and comfort that came at once with a drink.

But it's only a sense of ease and comfort. It's bad for us. It's bad for the people around us. So, we must never drink, and get vigilant about it, for alcohol is a subtle foe...a true enemy.

Be well.

Cardinalfan

Tammygirl....the post from Veritas says it all! Very good advice. There is nothing normal about our drinking. It's a disease, we have to quit feeding it. Good luck to you, I hope to see you posting your success.

tammygirl

Thank you all for your replies. Yes, I have the big book and attended AA meetings in the beginning regularly. Then I felt i had control and lost it.

I must NEVER drink again and that's a hard goal to reach, but I know i need to do it.

I made myself a cup of lemon tea, printed out some healthy recipes and took a shower. i do feel better, but wish i didn't feel this way at all.

I need to make sure I post on here regularly. I need the support, I can't do this alone.



Tammy

Hevyn

Tammy, I'm very glad you told us about what happened. I was drinking a 30-pack a day when I quit, and even that didn't satisfy me. Nothing would have in the end. The only thing I could do was say 'No more, ever'. It was the only way to stay safe.

I tried for years to control what I drank. I told myself I could use willpower to have just one or two. I didn't understand what our disease does to us - and how there is no control after the first one goes down.

I hope you will check in more often, and let us know how you're doing.

Jester1025

I am sorry that you feel so bad Tammygirl. And I know that feeling very well. My tolerance for beer had reached the point recently where I too could drink an entire case in a single day. The next day hangovers are so terrible, but you CAN get through it. I am pulling for you!

Dee74

I remember it being such an almighty effort to drink my fill and hide it from everyone.

I hope you do decide to follow through now and lay your burden down tammy - find some support

Do see your Dr or go to the ER if you feel unwell too, ok?

D

CaiHong

Hi Tammy,

Some good advice here. Put the soul mate on the back burner and get sober, you are number 1.
There won't be a relationship if you keep drinking.

All the best, you can make it.

CaiHong