Pigtails

I have trouble focusing. If I have something big and urgent at work, I get all into it and like what I'm doing and feel happy. But if I'm left to plan my own schedule/structure, and there's nothing externally pressuring at work, I feel totally unable to concentrate, I have a lack of motivation and I just start to think about everything else besides work. It feels overwhelming and out of control. This has happened for a long time with this job, including when I drank, but it seems to be even worse when I'm sober. I don't like the job but I know that when I try and give 100%, I feel a lot more fulfilled and happy. But then I lack motivation to put in more effort until I'm forced to do so or am doing it naturally through the demands of the job. What is wrong with me???

I met with a new therapist this week and she told me to keep my feelers open for other jobs, to look for openings and apply at other opportunities, since I'm not happy here. But I don't think that will solve my problem and instead it increases my anxiety/feeling of being overwhelmed because then I'm distracted by looking at other jobs instead of working on the one I have. I have no worries about getting another job but I just want to change everything up and work for myself, not go to another job. I don't know how to maintain focus in the day to day working environment.

Fenris

I'm in a similar situation, pigtails, and the standard advice given here is to not make any major changes in your life for at least a year in sobriety, unless the thing you want to change threatens to drive you back into a bottle. I mostly agree with that. I don't know what kind of work you do, but is there a way for you to get more of the big and urgent stuff to come your way?

Pigtails

I definitely need to change my job situation within a year, but my goal has been to hold off until the new year.

The good and bad thing about my job is that I usually need to be self-motivated and self-structured. I could give myself my own deadlines, take on more work, ask for more reponsibility or challenging tasks, and they would give it to me, but I often lack the focus and motivation to do these things! I worry that I will take on more than I can handle and be even more stressed out. But I think I work best under pressure so maybe I should find ways to pressure myself! Thanks for the suggestion, I hadn't thought of it. I could even ask my secretary to remind me of the tasks I want to get done each day, to know that someone is looking over my shoulder and I will have to be accountable to someone other than myself. Thanks for the very practical advice.

pikkle69

I know that for me, structure is important. It's when I have to wing it that I get into trouble. I've been sober 24 days and haven't put it down in writing as a plan but mentally I'm trying to stick to the same routine every day as much as possible.

I know the same went for me at work, the last couple of years there had been a period of upheaval and disintegration of my department, absolutely no structure at the end and I struggled quite a bit. 5 different managers in 3 years and each one took a chunk out of what had been a very value add, structure system. At the very end I was beyond frustrated, let my thoughts be known and after 17 years there, they let me go. And I'm glad. I know that one of the things that kept me drinking was that job. It completely enabled me.

So yes, IMO, sometimes a change of employment situation can be a good thing, especially if you are struggling with focus. I know that I get very frustrated when I can't focus and of course, that can lead to other weaknesses which I won't dwell on here. I'm still figuring out what I want to do with the rest of my life, I've gotten a second chance and I'm going to take it! Take some time and really search yourself, find you then make decisions based on what is best for the you that you've found. Best of luck with your journey, I know you'll go far!

Pigtails

Thanks Pikkle. Right now I'm trying to work hard and give 100% to my job while I'm here, while keeping a feel for what I really want to do and how to go about it (I pretty much know, but also have reasons for staying here, such as getting therapy with my health insurance etc.) Sometimes it's hard in that I want to just change course and I can't focus. Other times, I am successful. It's weird. I change my mind a lot but overall I'm trying to find a balance... a bearable way to stay here and think positively while also being excited about starting something new.

EmeraldRose

Personally, I would stay in your current position. I found that the first few weeks/months had me all over the pyschological board and until you even out and can focus you won't truly know how you will handle that job or ANY job -if you've always been drinking.
I had a chance to stay away from employment in early sobriety. I was 2 1/2 months in before I was employed 'in public'. By then I was ready to conquor the world. I left my fears and worries at home. I'd often drive to work repeating chants such as..."Today is the best day to be alive and I'm so lucky to be working....(insert other blessings & gratitudes here)"
When I got to work, I went in with a smile, waved at co-workers, walked with my head held high and did what I had to do.
What I needed was the happiness, confidence and satisfaction within myself first before I could focus and tackle anything and feel good about it.
But on the flip side...do you like your job? Is it something you specialize in? Enjoy doing? Or are you just there so you can access their insurance packages?
You have to weigh out your pros and cons.

Pigtails

I understand what you mean and feel I need confidence, stability and happiness to do my best at and truly enjoy any job. On the other hand, my job right now is pretty miserable and I am mainly staying for the insurance benefits and stable paycheck. There are some things I like about it, which I try to concentrate on, but then there's a lot of chaos and unhappiness caused by the generally toxic environment and personality and BS power plays etc. So really I would like to be free from it but I'm afraid that I'm not yet stable/happy/healthy enough to excel anywhere, and so I stay here because it is the status quo. I need to find the strength to leave but I have a lot of fear.

camedown

Keep in mind the effects of Post Acute Withdrawal syndrome, here is a link...
Post-Acute Withdrawal Symptoms - Relapse Prevention Strategies

I remember in my first couple months, I would forget stuff all the time, and if my schedule wasn't rigidly structured, I was useless. Good luck!!!


camedown

pikkle69

One of my issues was my job (the actual work itself, the people I had to work with and the environment) was a big enabler of my negative activities. I was on the road a lot, had to do entertaining or be entertained and most of my coworkers would regularly imbibe and encourage such activities amongst their peers. People came into work drunk all the time and when you have an institution that allows such activities (very few ever got in trouble, like a dirty little secret) it doesn't let you get better. So when it was time to go, I went. I'm much better off for it as well.

Robbie86

Hey pigtails , that rings a bell . I was just reading this today , maybe it could help you like it helped me . Peace .

Post Acute Withdrawl - Relapse Prevention Specialists - TLC The Living Center