Sticking it out through troubles and traumas
 

I'm on Day 13, and I feel very good about that. But this morning hubby comes home having been laid off. Guess what crossed my mind pretty quick? Guess what could make me less scared?

So I drove to work and on the way I realized that I am so glad to be really in my best space as we approach the upcoming TOUGH time, but still.

Sometimes it's hard to justify all the effort. I was doing well this summer until we had a death in the family. That threw me and I just got back together...now this.

I know that there is no problem that drinking can't make worse, but I'm an escape drinker anyway. So now I guess I'm up for the real challenge.

I'm sorry that your husband is out of work, and I hope things improve for your family.

The thing is, as Gilda Radner used to say, "It's Always Something". And, it is. Use this opportunity to learn ways to deal with the emotions you're going through.

I was laid off my from my job of 17 years about 6 weeks ago... I spent the first 3 weeks wallowing in an alcohol laden cesspool of self-pity. What a waste of time! I've spent the last 3+ weeks attempting to recover from what was probably a veiled suicide attempt (1.5 liters a day of vodka, every day, minimum during those prior 3 weeks; up to a fifth a day, 3-4 days a week prior to that for 15 years.) When all was said and done, I realized that I didn't really want to die!

Yes, all in all, life can be a great big bucket of crap... if you let it. Only you can change yourself, only you are truly in control of yourself... only you are responsible for you.

Since I put the bottle down and cleared my head a bit, things just don't phase me like they used to, at least what I perceived as the negative things. Amazing what a little clarity can do. I'm probably more positive than I've been in 15 years about life, the world, simple things... Probably the first time too that when I do have a bad day, I really don't feel like running to the bottle. I'm staying as busy as I can and if I start feeling down, I put in a good movie or put on some good music, eat some fun food, wrestle with the dog, clean the house... whatever it takes to keep me away from that bottle.

It's difficult, it's the toughest thing I've ever had to do but I know when all is said and done, I will be a better person for it, for myself and subsequently, for those around me. That's what motivates me, being alive again and staying that way.

I'm sorry for your news Missy.

The thing is drinking never made me less scared - the best it ever did was push the scared - and everything else - to one side for a while while I drooled and raved like an idiot....sometimes it didn't push the scared away at all...and always *always* the scared came back twice as bad the next morning when I woke up sober.

the real solution to your problem is for your husband to find a new job. No amount of drinking from you will help that :)

You're facing the real challenge right now. I think you're doing ok :)

D

Not only is there no situation that drinking/using will make better, for folks like us we KNOW it can only make things worse.

This is truly and honestly how I have to look at things when life comes at me with both barrels, I can face it, and deal with the situation, or I can choose to escape through drugs, etc. Essentially that is suicide the hard way. So, it's live and face it or die trying to NOT face it.

Today I choose life...and believe me, my friend it is coming at me with both barrels.

So sorry to hear your difficult news, it wasn't that long ago I was laid off too. Hugs and blessings. I WILL be ok, and I am so glad you are ok enough to face it.

Missy I know this is not what you need at a time when things seem to be changing positively with you. Yours is a biggie. I have discovered over the last six months that the world will not take a break, and wait while I get it together. Somehow though with the right spirit things can come together regardless.

My dad was sick and we thought his heart was going to give out two months in to my recovery. It was a test for sure. Then I was given more responsibilities at work for no more reward.

I want to tell you how the change started for me in the first few weeks. I started deliberately noticing and acknowledging reflections and shadows as a way of distracting myself from the way I was feeling, thoughts of alcohol etc. I started posting on a gratitude thread daily. Carrying these two acts out set me on a new path. Now I live a life where the moon watches over me, and I am more at peace.

Do things differently and different things will happen.

I'm feeling pretty solid. I have a work function tonight that involves alcohol. I will encourage hubby to drink, but I will have him order for me--soda. It would have been tomato juice, but I think that's more expensive.

I am still in the fight portion of the fight or flight response, so I'm okay today. And I'll be okay over the weekend, and next week while we are gone anyway, but when the grind starts and things have to begin to "go," like the car payment and the animals...I just don't know.

Thanks guys. I need you right now.

So sorry about the news but glad you are here. Keep being strong.

I've never exactly been the eternal optimist Missy, but every once in a while a cloud does end up having a silver lining. There have been a handful of times that I've looked back at a bad occurence and realized that it had to happen in order for something great to happen down the road. Stay strong. Try to stay positive. We'll be here.

--Fenris.

I used to drink away bad times, troubles, but they weren't gone, only waiting until the next day when I'd wake up full of regret and self hatred... and the problems were still there, and sometimes worse.:(

Remember, there's nothing so bad that alcohol can't make much much worse.