'at least I didn't get drunk...'
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,578
Thanks Dee, this is such a helpful post.
When I quit (almost a year now), there were still many things that hadn't happened to me "yet" -- hadn't lost a job, no DUI, etc. And my drinking was still at the stage that, many days, I could hold it to just a couple of drinks. My inner addict wants me to remember those times -- times that I drank and didn't get drunk, didn't regret it and didn't have a hangover.
But my sober self remembers that my overall pattern was more and more booze over time, on more days, so that I hardly ever skipped a day. More and more of my thinking and planning revolved around booze. I was disconnected from my spouse, and I felt burdened with vague problems and unhappiness, was stressed out all the time. And more incidents -- rare at first, but becoming more frequent -- of my drinking too much and really regretting it.
My sober self remembers that now, with a year of abstinence, I have joy and happiness in my life again, and a stronger marriage. I feel healthier, and am more peaceful and content inside than ever.
Now I can see all the dark tricks alcohol used to play on my mind. And I want no part of it, ever again.
When I quit (almost a year now), there were still many things that hadn't happened to me "yet" -- hadn't lost a job, no DUI, etc. And my drinking was still at the stage that, many days, I could hold it to just a couple of drinks. My inner addict wants me to remember those times -- times that I drank and didn't get drunk, didn't regret it and didn't have a hangover.
But my sober self remembers that my overall pattern was more and more booze over time, on more days, so that I hardly ever skipped a day. More and more of my thinking and planning revolved around booze. I was disconnected from my spouse, and I felt burdened with vague problems and unhappiness, was stressed out all the time. And more incidents -- rare at first, but becoming more frequent -- of my drinking too much and really regretting it.
My sober self remembers that now, with a year of abstinence, I have joy and happiness in my life again, and a stronger marriage. I feel healthier, and am more peaceful and content inside than ever.
Now I can see all the dark tricks alcohol used to play on my mind. And I want no part of it, ever again.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Bump. Great post Dee. I'm coping lately with nagging thoughts of "I've been sober 20 months. Surely, maybe, hopefully I can control it" or not. I couldn't control it before and no great miracle has come along since then. I need reminders every day.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: London
Posts: 121
Originally Posted by Dee74 
It seems I'm seeing people saying this more and more often here these days....
I've actually been waiting for a day when I haven't seen it here, so I can post this and not have people think I'm picking on them...
but everyday I see some one post saying 'hey I drank, but at least I didn't get drunk'
I understand to a certain extent because I used to do the same.
When I was trying to get a handle on my drinking, not getting drunk was an achievement, a victory - it was hope to me, somewhere deep in me, that hey maybe I could control my drinking whenever I wanted....at the very least it was proof I was 'getting better'...
If I really looked back at my history I'd have seen the times when I drank 'like a gentleman' were the rare exception, not the rule.
I had 100s, maybe 1000s, of times where I got wasted and embarrassed or hurt myself or others - but I'd always go back to those handful of times where I'd had a glass or two and 'nothing happened'.
I really wanted to be a normal drinker, so I guess it's not surprising I clung to those few nights....but I'd always return to my normal pattern of drinking.
Looking back now, the truth was I was a blackout alcoholic drinker who sometimes had a 'normal' drinking experience - it was blind luck, not good management.
Please don't fall for the same lies I did for all those years.
Alcohol and I have a disastrous relationship. My drinking caused me immense pain and suffering, and it damn near destroyed me and all I loved....
if I drink - even one or two glasses - it's anything but a triumph.
D
I've actually been waiting for a day when I haven't seen it here, so I can post this and not have people think I'm picking on them...
but everyday I see some one post saying 'hey I drank, but at least I didn't get drunk'
I understand to a certain extent because I used to do the same.
When I was trying to get a handle on my drinking, not getting drunk was an achievement, a victory - it was hope to me, somewhere deep in me, that hey maybe I could control my drinking whenever I wanted....at the very least it was proof I was 'getting better'...
If I really looked back at my history I'd have seen the times when I drank 'like a gentleman' were the rare exception, not the rule.
I had 100s, maybe 1000s, of times where I got wasted and embarrassed or hurt myself or others - but I'd always go back to those handful of times where I'd had a glass or two and 'nothing happened'.
I really wanted to be a normal drinker, so I guess it's not surprising I clung to those few nights....but I'd always return to my normal pattern of drinking.
Looking back now, the truth was I was a blackout alcoholic drinker who sometimes had a 'normal' drinking experience - it was blind luck, not good management.
Please don't fall for the same lies I did for all those years.
Alcohol and I have a disastrous relationship. My drinking caused me immense pain and suffering, and it damn near destroyed me and all I loved....
if I drink - even one or two glasses - it's anything but a triumph.
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I went with "at least I didn't get drunk"....
"At least I didn't black out...."
"At least it was only on the weekend"....
And yeah, I suppose during the time that I was silently churning away at my half-hearted attempt to convince myself I was pursuing sobriety, I also used "at least I didn't get drunk" many times as a means of not getting totally discouraged and down on myself.
But I also get really dismayed when I see people saying that. Hindsight, with the clarity of some solid sober time and from a place in life where things have gotten so much better, is a gift we cannot give to others. They have to arrive there themselves.
I've come to understand and really internalize that my life is BETTER, that my experience of life is BETTER, that even the tough spots and the difficult feelings and the hard days are BETTER in sobriety. And they're even BETTER than having 'just a couple'. Even if 'just a couple' didn't lead eventually to 'just a couple more' and 'only blacking out on weekends'... even then, I don't even want it. A beer or two; why bother? Life is a beautiful thing on its own. My body thrives on water. I don't need to alter my state to enjoy or to give enjoyment.
It didn't always feel that way, so I totally understand the sentiment "at least I didn't get drunk".
But I'm far more grateful for the principle "I don't drink alcohol".
"At least I didn't black out...."
"At least it was only on the weekend"....
And yeah, I suppose during the time that I was silently churning away at my half-hearted attempt to convince myself I was pursuing sobriety, I also used "at least I didn't get drunk" many times as a means of not getting totally discouraged and down on myself.
But I also get really dismayed when I see people saying that. Hindsight, with the clarity of some solid sober time and from a place in life where things have gotten so much better, is a gift we cannot give to others. They have to arrive there themselves.
I've come to understand and really internalize that my life is BETTER, that my experience of life is BETTER, that even the tough spots and the difficult feelings and the hard days are BETTER in sobriety. And they're even BETTER than having 'just a couple'. Even if 'just a couple' didn't lead eventually to 'just a couple more' and 'only blacking out on weekends'... even then, I don't even want it. A beer or two; why bother? Life is a beautiful thing on its own. My body thrives on water. I don't need to alter my state to enjoy or to give enjoyment.
It didn't always feel that way, so I totally understand the sentiment "at least I didn't get drunk".
But I'm far more grateful for the principle "I don't drink alcohol".
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
I find that anytime I use the words "just" or "only" or the phrase "at least I didn't" to describe my drinking, that it's probably my addiction talking and I need to be very cautious about where my mind is headed.
I love Dee's first post and this whole thread so much. Everything here is definitely a tool in my own recovery toolbox. One of my favorite threads on this entire website. If you haven't checked it out yet or lately, hope you'll do so!
I love Dee's first post and this whole thread so much. Everything here is definitely a tool in my own recovery toolbox. One of my favorite threads on this entire website. If you haven't checked it out yet or lately, hope you'll do so!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 20
Originally Posted by Dee74
I hope both you and Jim stick around Camille.
I spent years just trying to figure out how to be sober. It scared me. Drinking defined me.
I didn't want to be different, I didn't want to have to change...
I actually just wanted to be able to drink a few times a year and not 'go overboard'.
What I really wanted was those bad consequences that happened most times I drank to go away.
I wanted to be a normal drinker.
I had good periods where I didn't drink out of control, I even had periods where I didn't drink at all (record 8 weeks) but I always always returned to the self destructive all out drinking.
I drank for 20 years.
In the end, I had to accept that I'm not a normal drinker - alcohol changes me, and once I drink, I'm not in control of what happens anymore.
If it's a good night, it's down to luck, not me.
If I lose control when I drink, and my drinking has nearly destroyed my life and those I love, how can me drinking be a good thing?
Thats the experience I was speaking from.
It's what we do here, and what makes this place great.
You may read this and think I'm a pompous ass - & that's ok too - but I wouldn't be doing the folks in this forum a service if I didn't share my experience
D
I spent years just trying to figure out how to be sober. It scared me. Drinking defined me.
I didn't want to be different, I didn't want to have to change...
I actually just wanted to be able to drink a few times a year and not 'go overboard'.
What I really wanted was those bad consequences that happened most times I drank to go away.
I wanted to be a normal drinker.
I had good periods where I didn't drink out of control, I even had periods where I didn't drink at all (record 8 weeks) but I always always returned to the self destructive all out drinking.
I drank for 20 years.
In the end, I had to accept that I'm not a normal drinker - alcohol changes me, and once I drink, I'm not in control of what happens anymore.
If it's a good night, it's down to luck, not me.
If I lose control when I drink, and my drinking has nearly destroyed my life and those I love, how can me drinking be a good thing?
Thats the experience I was speaking from.
It's what we do here, and what makes this place great.
You may read this and think I'm a pompous ass - & that's ok too - but I wouldn't be doing the folks in this forum a service if I didn't share my experience
D
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
So much good stuff in this thread.
I used "At least I didn't get drunk" for a long time before I got sober. I would feel proud of myself if I could stop at one or two, or skip a day. And I was sure it meant I could be a normal drinker. It wasn't until I decided to surrender and quit completely that I began to see those thoughts for the dangerous folly they are to me. In the early days of sobriety I found myself thinking how unfair it was that I have this disease and could not drink normally. That thought still pops up now and again, but I catch myself and think "What would be the point of one or two anyway? Wouldn't even give me a buzz, would add $10-12 to my dinner out, at the very least, and if I drove, it could be disastrous." I know that for me, it's all or nothing. If I had that one or two, I'm positive that I'd be right back to my old habits in no time. Not worth it. Not one bit.
I used "At least I didn't get drunk" for a long time before I got sober. I would feel proud of myself if I could stop at one or two, or skip a day. And I was sure it meant I could be a normal drinker. It wasn't until I decided to surrender and quit completely that I began to see those thoughts for the dangerous folly they are to me. In the early days of sobriety I found myself thinking how unfair it was that I have this disease and could not drink normally. That thought still pops up now and again, but I catch myself and think "What would be the point of one or two anyway? Wouldn't even give me a buzz, would add $10-12 to my dinner out, at the very least, and if I drove, it could be disastrous." I know that for me, it's all or nothing. If I had that one or two, I'm positive that I'd be right back to my old habits in no time. Not worth it. Not one bit.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 486
I LOVE your post. Thank you!!!!!
Originally Posted by FreeOwl
I went with "at least I didn't get drunk"....
"At least I didn't black out...."
"At least it was only on the weekend"....
And yeah, I suppose during the time that I was silently churning away at my half-hearted attempt to convince myself I was pursuing sobriety, I also used "at least I didn't get drunk" many times as a means of not getting totally discouraged and down on myself.
But I also get really dismayed when I see people saying that. Hindsight, with the clarity of some solid sober time and from a place in life where things have gotten so much better, is a gift we cannot give to others. They have to arrive there themselves.
I've come to understand and really internalize that my life is BETTER, that my experience of life is BETTER, that even the tough spots and the difficult feelings and the hard days are BETTER in sobriety. And they're even BETTER than having 'just a couple'. Even if 'just a couple' didn't lead eventually to 'just a couple more' and 'only blacking out on weekends'... even then, I don't even want it. A beer or two; why bother? Life is a beautiful thing on its own. My body thrives on water. I don't need to alter my state to enjoy or to give enjoyment.
It didn't always feel that way, so I totally understand the sentiment "at least I didn't get drunk".
But I'm far more grateful for the principle "I don't drink alcohol".
"At least I didn't black out...."
"At least it was only on the weekend"....
And yeah, I suppose during the time that I was silently churning away at my half-hearted attempt to convince myself I was pursuing sobriety, I also used "at least I didn't get drunk" many times as a means of not getting totally discouraged and down on myself.
But I also get really dismayed when I see people saying that. Hindsight, with the clarity of some solid sober time and from a place in life where things have gotten so much better, is a gift we cannot give to others. They have to arrive there themselves.
I've come to understand and really internalize that my life is BETTER, that my experience of life is BETTER, that even the tough spots and the difficult feelings and the hard days are BETTER in sobriety. And they're even BETTER than having 'just a couple'. Even if 'just a couple' didn't lead eventually to 'just a couple more' and 'only blacking out on weekends'... even then, I don't even want it. A beer or two; why bother? Life is a beautiful thing on its own. My body thrives on water. I don't need to alter my state to enjoy or to give enjoyment.
It didn't always feel that way, so I totally understand the sentiment "at least I didn't get drunk".
But I'm far more grateful for the principle "I don't drink alcohol".
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 114
"At least I didn't get drunk". I fooled myself a lot with that thought in the past. I also fooled myself into thinking I wasn't as drunk as I actually was. And you know what? Those times, I didn't really feel that drunk even though my BAC was still rising and I was on the verge of blacking out. Certainly I've been drunker than this before haven't I?
I suppose it's shame that makes an alcoholic deny he/she is drunk when confronted. I would reek of booze but still maintain that I was not drunk and perfectly OK for the next round.
Why are you bringing me a water, I ordered a beer! Screw this place, I'm going to the next bar. I'm not even drunk yet. They won't let me in!? The last place I was at must've called them and said not to let me in. Stores are closed how am I supposed to get more alcohol now I'm not even drunk!!! There's no booze at home how could she cut me off!? How DARE she I'm going right straight back to that bar to show her just how wrong she was for cutting me off and ruining my night
I suppose it's shame that makes an alcoholic deny he/she is drunk when confronted. I would reek of booze but still maintain that I was not drunk and perfectly OK for the next round.
Why are you bringing me a water, I ordered a beer! Screw this place, I'm going to the next bar. I'm not even drunk yet. They won't let me in!? The last place I was at must've called them and said not to let me in. Stores are closed how am I supposed to get more alcohol now I'm not even drunk!!! There's no booze at home how could she cut me off!? How DARE she I'm going right straight back to that bar to show her just how wrong she was for cutting me off and ruining my night
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