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I found the site as I was looking for advice

Old 11-16-2011, 07:18 AM
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I found the site as I was looking for advice

I apologize in advance as I am going to be rather long winded but I have been feeling like getting this off my chest for a while now even if it is anonymously, and to a bunch of strangers. Not only just to say it out loud and therefore possibly give me more conviction to follow through with my intentions, but also because I know that at least some if not all of the people had similar or identical circumstances and would be able to offer experienced advice and opinions, which is something that I would greatly regard and be grateful for.
Twice this week I woke up on the couch and within two hours I had a beer in my hand again. Also three times in the last two weeks I have dumped out all of the beer in my house only to purchase more that evening. I have known that I have a problem with controlling myself when it comes to drinking for a while, but now it is really starting to hit home for me that I need to take some form of action before something bad happens. So I started Goggle-ing and eventually found this web site and started reading.
Most of what I read didn’t surprise me, although I must note that so far I have limited myself to the New Joins section, but as I kept reading, and I started to see similarities in my story and a lot of the posts. For instance the wake up in the mornings promising myself that I will not drink only to polish off 15 beers that evening, or the nights where you tell yourself “I will only have a few” and then when you wake up you can’t remember going to bed and have to count the cans to see what the damage was. For a long time I didn’t think that I had a problem with drinking. I knew that I drank a lot and that it wasn’t healthy for me, but I thought as long as I was sober when I went to work and did well at my job then what does it matter that I pick up an 18 pack of beer every afternoon after work? I don’t have a wife and kids and not much in the way of other forms of family, I never drink and drive, because I always drank at home or took a taxi, so that way I figured it I wasn’t affecting anyone else.
Recently, however I have started to notice that my ability to say no to beer provided it is around is dramatically reducing. There are times when I know that I need to get up early the next morning and do something so I shouldn’t drink tonight but I do anyway. And then inevitably I am hung-over, late, or flat out don’t show up to something I was supposed to. Then there have been the times that I mentioned in the second paragraph where I woke up after drinking till I passed out, and started right up again only to go back to sleep drunk by 5 in the afternoon accomplishing absolutely nothing with the day. Lately I have been getting home after work and start a load of laundry or dishes and crack a beer and maybe I actually do some dishes but after about 6 beers I am pretty much useless for house chores so I am running out of clothes and my kitchen is a wreak. I live alone as I have mentioned so I have no one to impress, and I have never been all that tidy of a person, but this is getting out of hand.
I know that I like to drink, and I am a relatively happy drunk, I don’t get into fights, or break things, or get angry, occasionally I will get a little depressed especially if I am very tired beforehand, most of the time when drinking I am happy. What concerns me however, is my lack of control. The fact that even when I know I should not drink or that I have something better that I should be doing, invariably you will find me posted in front of my computer with an ever growing collection of cans at my side. I have become so accustomed to just sitting at home after work and slowly slipping into the haze of not caring and feeling relatively happy that I almost don’t know how to do anything else anymore. That, first and foremost is what has started to get my attention, coupled with the fact that it is starting to have an effect on my professional obligations I have decided that I need to get a handle on this. The only problem is that, while I know that this is bad for me, I really do like to drink, and therefore don’t think that I am approaching this situation with the determination that seems necessary to be successful. My only reasons so far is that I have started to notice that I don’t seem to have a choice in the matter anymore and that bothers me, and I have noticed its effect on my physical appearance IE gin blossoms and fitness. I am under 30 and have been drinking consistently at this level for about 5 years so hopefully I am catching it earlier rather than later. But I have seen the consequences of not taking this seriously in my mothers and grandfathers deaths, of course in both cases there were other contributing factors, but I don’t doubt that their alcoholism played its part.
I have picked up a few tips so far just from reading this forum today for instance I have been repeating to myself the entire day “I will not drink tonight”, as it seems one of the main points people keep touting is to take it one day at a time. I have emptied my house of all alcohol and do actually have a lot to keep me busy at the house. I am fairly certain that as long as I get to the house without going to the store I will be fine or well as fine as one can be when sweating at night and unable to sleep for anything. One other thing that helped me when I didn’t drink in the past for a day or two was just always having a glass of water handy even if I am not thirsty. It helps me at least with the fact that I am accustomed to going home and drinking beer constantly, so having something there to drink is almost like comfort food. How long will that last though, is the question. As I said this will now be the fourth time in two weeks that I have emptied the house and attempted this, if for no other reason than just to see if I could. And apparently up and until now I can’t, but I seem to remember from the “Old Timers” thread one saying his greatest help was getting back up every time he got knocked down.
One thing about me is that I am easily satisfied if I make it through the work week and then possibly even the weekend I will be happy, I know that, but beyond, I don’t even want to consider yet. If any of you have any advice that can help someone like me that has not “hit bottom” but is just recognizing the signs that his habit is starting to get out of his control, even though he still enjoys doing it feel free to say so. That is if you actually had the patience to make it through this small rant/confession of mine.

Last edited by InsertNameHere; 11-16-2011 at 07:20 AM. Reason: The indent didn't work for seperating paragraphs.
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Old 11-16-2011, 07:32 AM
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Welcome. Your words read like what I wrote yesterday (my first post).

I too don't feel like I've hit rock bottom, but I am concerned with the pattern of my drinking. If I step back and look at it from a detached perspective, it's clear that things are not headed in a positive direction.

Yesterday, I decided to not drink for that day. Today I decided to not drink today. I would like to go a month and see where I end up. I still have the thought of being able to drink "normally" one day, but the more I read here, the more I see that that is most likely an illusion.

My suggestion is to break this down into small goals and decide to not drink for 30 days. Focus on today and don't worry about the bigger picture.

You are not alone!
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Old 11-16-2011, 07:37 AM
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Hi. Nice to meet you. Keep reading the posts. Certain ones will strike home more than others, based on your similarities and personality, etc. Do you want to become a non-drinker? Assuming yes, what helped me was to decide (and ACCEPT) that "I am a non-drinker". I'm not just throwing away the booze and not drinking tonight, but I am now a non-drinker - Period. Like chopping off a finger, drinking is no longer in my life. It's not an option. The book as closed. The show is over. Time to change the channel. No ifs, ands, buts. (The one sober day at a time approach wouldn't work well for me - but that's just me.)

We don't have liquor in our grocery stores here, but there are plenty of liquor stores. I would actually "look away" for the longest time, when I drove by. It was so weird when I first had to go in (Christmas - I bought a little tiny "one drink size" of rum for my mother, because she always likes her Christmas drink, and I have a Christmas Eve meal at my house every year). I thought it would be difficult. I felt kind of "dirty" ... but I bought the one little one and left at that .... because I AM a non-drinker.

But that's just me. Keep reading and posting. Things will start to take shape as you go along!
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Old 11-16-2011, 07:52 AM
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Hi. I'm on my 19th day of sobriety. You really do just have to motivate yourself in small increments of time. Day by day if it be. Find ways to sort of trick yourself into not drinking. You have to identify what your triggers are and change them. Like a big one for you is being at home after work. So get the hell out of the house. Go for walks. Go to the gym, the library, shopping, anything. Have substitutes for beer handy all the time. A lot of people find that food ends up taking alcohol's place for a while, which is fine. Stock up your house with stuff you like to eat and drink other than booze. Others will tell you to go to AA and oh yeah, go to your doctor's! I think that is an important first step, getting your doctor on board. And the first while will be really, really hard, but you have to keep reminding yourself why you want to stop, and just bear down and stick with it.

If you want to quit you CAN DO IT. We all did. Because it's our health and our lives and it's worth it.
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Old 11-16-2011, 08:06 AM
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Hi and welcome!!!! Your post reads almost exactly like mine would have about 4 years before I actually quit and I wish I had been able to stop then instead of putting myself through 4 years of hell.

I found the book "the easy way to quit drinking" by Allan Carr to be very helpful and I think it would be especially helpful to someone in your situation (ie not yet at Rock bottom).

SR is the best place for advice that I have found so stick around!

Tina
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Old 11-16-2011, 12:46 PM
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Welcome to SR. I hope you find what you're looking for here. I can definitely relate to pretty much everything you said and I'm glad that you're recognizing your problem for what it is now rather than hitting rock bottom to do it. It's been my experience that the consequences associated with my drinking always got progressively worse -- so even though there are a lot of things that you don't do now when you're drinking (i.e. drunk driving, angry drunk...), it's usually a good idea to put the word "yet" at the end of each of them if you continue drinking. I found the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous to be the most helpful book to read early in my sobriety because it really explained to me why I did the totally irrational and hurtful things that I would do and gave me a solution to those problems. You can find an free .pdf version of it on AA's website. I also found that eating sweets (especially chocolate) helped control any physical cravings I had early on.

Other than that, keep coming back and posting. Many of us have a hard time getting and staying sober on our own, and only someone who's been where you've been can really understand what you're going through.

--Fenris.
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Old 11-16-2011, 01:35 PM
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I remember the first time I thought my drinking was maybe a problem. It was about 3 years ago and I was only 23. I never drove drunk, I never got in fights, etc. just like you. I would drink by myself ocassionaly and sometimes I would just binge a day away. I tried quitting for about a month never really making it very long until I just gave up on it and decided I was to young and my habits were not that abnormal. Well, it only got worse. I finally decided to try quitting again about 7 months ago after a 5 day bender that almost got me fired. While I haven't been perfect I can tell you life is much better sober. I hooe you stick around and stay honest with yourself. I wish I would have.
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Old 11-16-2011, 02:33 PM
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Hi InsertNameHere

I drank right to the end - like you I had the warning bells going off - for years - but I ignored them...a lot of my 'oh well at least that hasn't happened yets' happened...and still I kept drinking.

I came here, having nearly died....and I *still* wasn't sure I wanted to stop drinking....

This place, and the people here, helped convince me what I should do - and I thank them for it

I don't think you'll find anyone here who thinks they quit too soon...plenty who wish they quit sooner tho....

Read around and post as much as you like

Welcome!
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Old 11-16-2011, 05:13 PM
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What you just wrote sounds exactly like something I could have written THE DAY BEFORE I QUIT. Which is why I don't believe in "Rock Bottom". The experience that people refer to as "Rock Bottom" is really nothing more than the moment one comes to understand that drinking doesn't work and is never going to work and therefore needs to cease.

And one can come to this understanding without having a personal catastrophe. I've known people to keep drinking, waiting for something sufficiently bad to happen to them. The problem is that sometimes, the thing that happens is that they die. Or are irrevocably maimed. Or kill someone else. Or......

There is no need to wait. You can stop the carnage right now.
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Old 11-16-2011, 05:19 PM
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^ I agree with this.

Like I said, I drank until I nearly killed myself - but it needn't be that way.

I simply reached a point where I knew I could not live my drinking life a moment longer.

It would have been nice if I'd been able to get to that point with less carnage and less death defying thrills and spills, but it is what it is - but you do have the chance to do that, InsertNameHere

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Old 11-17-2011, 04:00 AM
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Dand OTT... What the two of you shared is really helpful to me. I'm on Day 3 and I know I'm tackling this problem relatively early. I can see how alcohol is a problem, but not having experienced the worst, I think I'm still operating the delusion that I could return to "normal" drinking at some point. "Rock Bottom" is what others have hit ... not me. But, like the two of you point out, nobody has hit rock bottom until they're dead. No matter how bad it got, I suspect I would always find a convenient excuse for quitting tomorrow and not today. Thanks for providing your valuable perspective.
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Old 11-17-2011, 04:25 AM
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Originally Posted by InsertNameHere View Post
I have picked up a few tips so far just from reading this forum today for instance I have been repeating to myself the entire day “I will not drink tonight”, as it seems one of the main points people keep touting is to take it one day at a time.
'One day at a time' can have various meanings on here. I encourage you to look a little more carefully at that 'main point'. Do the people who espouse the 'don't drink a day at a time' have long term sobriety? Are they recovered physically, mentally, and spiritually? Are the living the kind of principled life you want to live?

I think, on closer inspection, you may find that the 'don't drink a day at a time' crowd has a very large overlap with the 'get sober for a while then relapse' crowd. I know that was the case for me when I too, mistakenly thought I could recover from alcoholism by not drinking a day at a time. Just look carefully with an open mind.
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Old 11-18-2011, 01:35 PM
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Thank you for the advise everyone, I have read all of them and perused through a few others especially the talk on D’s “at least I didn’t get drunk”, that made for some interesting reading.

I can say that my first attempt after registering with this site didn’t quite have the final result I was hoping for I ended up having a few but “not getting drunk”. Which I realize is still a failure on my part because I had set a goal and didn’t accomplish it. However hardly anyone manages to quit addictive substances and habits no matter what they are in the first try, so I am viewing this experience as further proof of how my control of the situation has been declining over the years.

Practice makes perfect perhaps if I manage to stay shut in the house over the weekend or possibly just stay at work, we will see if I can make the weekend. Thanks again for the advice.
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Old 11-18-2011, 02:04 PM
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It wasn't until I started to want to stop that I realised how tight the grip of addiction was. Loss of control is one of the central aspects of the progression of our condition. Once I started to attempt to moderate I discovered the powerful cravings, and my "addictive voice" that drive us to drink against our better judgement.

Once I accepted that I was powerless over the cravings and the associated obsession, I was fed up with the impact on me and my life and I was ready to surrender to whatever was going to happen afterwards, I could take steps in the right direction.

I am a well educated person, out of all the things I have read the Big Book is a stand out........ free online.
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Old 11-18-2011, 02:12 PM
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Welcome to SR!

A lot of alcohlics lose stuff; jobs, drivers license, marriages, health and on and on. You sound like you haven't lost anything tangible yet. But you have lost time and with it the potential to do other things with your life besides drink. Quitting now when you are under 30 would be great. You don't want to wake up a few years down the road when you hit 40, saying "where did the years go."
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Old 11-20-2011, 03:33 AM
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Update

I am new to this site and completely new to contributing to any form of a forum (form of a forum that made me smile) so if what follows is breaking any rules or unwritten common etiquette please let me know. Also if the contents of below in any way aggravate you I apologize but feel free to tell me about it I have pretty thick skin.

I have been reading threads and almost posted on a few of them, but being new not only to forums but too the idea that I need to stop drinking as well, I didn’t really think that I had a lot to contribute. At the same time this site is the first and only place that I am communicating my issues and therefore I figured that I should at least post something before I simply stop doing so ever. As I said in my original post I feel that posting here might be in some way important to me quitting drinking for any amount of time as it may stand as an announcement of intentions therefore making my desires public and possibly making me more apt to following through with them. So far I have failed, and I felt the desire to express how.

I “quit” (that’s a laugh) Monday morning and then had about 6 beers on Thursday which is good for me but still a failure. I made it through Friday night fine as I made sure to stay at work until all the stores around me were closed and, because I had nothing in the house, beer (my preferred method of delivery) simply wasn’t an option. Then Saturday came and I needed to buy a power cable for my computer monitor, as I have recently moved and the one I had flew the coop. What do you know I needed groceries as well and there was a store right across the street so in I went, and beer I bought. So last night I ended up in my usual routine of beer, cooking dinner, beer, computer, beer, movies, beer, and “sleep”. I say sleep like that because I just got done reading the thread started by yamcha about not being able to sleep without alcohol. I have a similar problem and although I don’t think I have “insomnia” (a loose term in itself) I do have problems with going to sleep, always have, although I have no problem staying that way once there. I suppose that has encouraged my problem as I started to use alcohol as a sleep aid in addition to all of the other reasons one does such things. But I digress, anyway yeah epic fail we shall see how tonight and the work week come about. The upside is that I do have enough groceries to last me for at least a week probably more so I won’t have that convenient excuse anymore. The down side besides the obvious is that I still have beer at the house and can’t promise that won’t end up in my belly. Hell I even bought a bottle of vodka, and I hate liquor, that I shouldn’t have a problem with throwing out.

On a humorous note my trash collector is going to think that I am way more of an alcoholic than I am with all of the cans and bottles that I have been buying and then throwing out or drinking, (believe it or not it is more of the former).

For those of you that may encourage me to attend a meeting or some other form of rehab, while I thank you for your whole hearted and probably absolutely correct advice, it is unfortunately not really an option. Not because not wanting to admit my circumstances in public (although that is the case), but because it really is not possible they don’t exist where I am currently living. There are certain avenues that I could take through my company, but I don’t care how much they say that coming forward will not affect your position, it does. However they do make a good argument for the fact that it isn’t as bad as them finding out because you did something while under the influence, however as I said before I stay at home, don’t drive, and don’t do anything outrageously stupid so I should be good there. That is as long as I can manage this myself in due time, and that ladies and gentlemen is why I am here.

“Small moves” (Contact).

P.S. Man I am a long winded *******.
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Old 11-20-2011, 04:13 AM
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It's tough sometimes to post your personal experiences, congratulations for doing so. I never went to rehab or AA, I basically quit with the help of this website, some face to face support and resolve. Like you I had a ton of relapses before I finally quit, so be proud of yourself that you are trying to solve the problem.

For me when I finally quit I got into attack mode, took a good look at myself and said that I was wasting my life by drinking. Since I've been sober (about 15 months) things in my life are so much better. I found who my true friends were and have made new friends through the process. I'm doing better at work. All I can say is if you think you have a problem, keep posting and reading and you will do fine. Good luck to you.
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Old 11-20-2011, 04:17 AM
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I think most of us faltered a time or two. Hopefully SR will help you like it helps many of us

SR was actually enough for me - I didn't go to rehab counselling or AA or anything like it - but I nearly died from my drinking, I wanted a different life and drinking was no longer a viable option for me - I was really ready to do whatever it took, and rehab counselling and AA etc where definitely on the drawing board....

If you find that you need something more than SR, INH, I hope you'll reconsider your options

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Old 11-20-2011, 04:17 AM
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Double post.
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Old 11-20-2011, 04:21 AM
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Welcome and good luck. U may well slip but u dont have to. It is much much easier if u manage to stay safe and well in sobriety than in constant danger and angst when drinking. Weigh it up and make your easy decision. Good luck
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