TimeToDance

I am 33 days sober and finding it hard to find reasons to stay sober. I am in college and although I am 29, my friends are all younger and want to drink all of the time. I am not ready to admit to them that I have a problem. I do not think that they would understand and I already feel like I'm not like anyone else. I am seeing a counselor, but he is had to miss many appointments because of family problems. I feel like I do not have anyone to understand me, to be patient with me, to make me feel like I am someone worth have patience for.

I started drinking when I was 15 and have been drinking approx. 2 bottles of wine/12 pack of beer, etc... every night since I was around 18 years old. I have probably had less than 100 sober days in the last 10 years of my life (including the recent 33). I am living with a guy who seems to have enough problems of his own and constantly makes me feel like I only care about myself when I try to talk about my recovery. I don't know what to do. I numbed my feelings for so many years and now when I finally try to talk about them, I am told to stop and that I should go to bed. I understand that he has problems and I do care, but this is the first time in my life that I am trying to take care of me and not others. I am realizing that we are too sick in our own ways to be together.

Does anyone have any suggestions about how to not feel so lonely while going through this? I am not ready to tell my friends and family. I am thinking about AA, but I am not sold on the idea yet. Has anyone found exercise to be helpful? Also, I am on Cambral and my depression has worsened. Has anyone else experienced this? I know that I am asking an awful lot of questions. I would appreciate any and all comments. The solo road is beyond lonely.

lovinit41

Im only new here and only on day 9 but a heartfelt hello to you and a big hug. (( )) Let us help, read and post and keep sharing xx

neferkamichael

TimeToDance I'm 65 days off crack and am struggling big time. I just palay the tape all the way through to remind myself that it would be worse if I went back out and used.

Tigger41

TimeToDance I would go to a meeting. Maybe you can meet someone and you guys can talk about your recovery together. I have a very close friend who stopped drinking at 20 and she said that her friends from AA saved her. Not due to the steps (though she noted they were helpful) but from being able to hang out with a group of young people and do things that don't require drinking.

I think if you had some people your age going through the same thing you'd have compassion for each other. You've gone so far to turn back now to only end up here once again.

Huggs to you - wish I could help more.

Dee74

Hi timetodance

welcome - you'll find a lot of support and understanding here

I know when I quit, not drinking was just the start of the process for me...I drank to deal with so many things that not drinking simply uncovered all those underlying issues.

I think supports important - maybe a recovery group like AA or SMART could help if you're feeling particularly lonely right now?

I also think, if your counsellor is not helping you, or not helping you enough right now, then maybe you need to consider seeing someone else?

I would also definitely see your Dr about your depression - Drs are the right people to talk to.

D

camedown

I'm going to second the AA recommendation. The groups I go to are loving and wonderful, and the support is endless. Best of luck to you.


camedown

bozboz

I am at 33 days as well! You sound a lot like me as far as how much and how long you have been drinking. I also see a therapist, a nutritionist, and my Dr as recovering is nothing to mess around with. If your therapist keeps cancelling appts, get a new therapist. That is inexcusable. I was feeling the same way about my friends as you are, and concluded that if they are truly my friends, that will not care if I have decided to stau sober, and if not then they obviously have issues of their own. If it is sobriety that is more important to you as it is for me, it has to be the top priority on your list. I agree with going to your Dr for depression, that is also nothing to mess around with.
Wishing you the best!

doggonecarl

I know for me, in early recovery, it was easy to forget, or at least lose sight of the reasons that drove me to quit. Part of that is the addiction looking for a way to get back in your life.

You didn't detail the reasons that prompted you to decide, 33 days ago, to quit drinking. Maybe if you recount those reasons to us, you will see that there are plenty of reasons to stay sober.

Welcome and good luck.

least

Welcome! I didn't feel I'd 'grown' in my recovery until I started practicing gratitude every day. Just being grateful for all my blessings makes me realize how much I would lose if I drank again. And being grateful, for me, took away the desire to drink.

foodie1

Welcome TimeToDance, imho we all need support through this and I think young people especially need it. Meetings will help you so much. And a visit to your doctor, bozboz is right, depression's nothing to mess around with. Sending positive thoughts your way!!!

WhoDey

I'm only on Day 2, so take what I say with the required grain of salt.

From what I've read here, it seems that many/most of us indulge our addiction in private. I only registered and posted here yesterday, but speaking (even if only in a cyber-sense) openly about my problem has been healthy. I'm sure there will be opportunities coming up soon (i.e., holidays) where I can speak openly to friends and family about why I'm declining to drink.

Trying to do this alone and in secret is discouraging.

TimeToDance

Day 35. Thank you all for the support and helpful advice. It really helps knowing that there are others out there like me and that I am not alone. I am going to try AA and am also going to work on the counselor situation. I reduced my prescribed 2 Cambral pills (3 times a day) down to 1 (still 3 times a day) and can tell that my mood has improved. I had a pretty rough day yesterday and almost went to get my normal poison, but realized that I am NEVER going to be better if I do not learn to handle stressful situations the right way. I am trying to build my self esteem. This is very hard, but I am trying to remind myself that I have good qualities. The list is short at the moment, but I at least have the courage to try to be present and the hope that one day I will be happy. I like the idea of making a list of what I am grateful for each day. Today's thoughts...

1. I am grateful that I do not have a hangover today.
2. I like the idea that my body is starting to heal.
3. I feel proud that I have been able to make it this far and that I have turned down some very tempting offers to get drunk.
4. I can already tell a positive improvement with my grades.
5. It is getting close to finals and I am not as anxious and stressed out as I have been in the past years.
6. This lessened anxiety has shown itself in other areas, such as peer approval. This is still an issue, but I can see that it is getting better.
7. Although the thought of being single during the holidays is saddening, I know that I will have a better chance at finding love if I continue to try to love myself and take care of myself.
8. My counselor said that I stopped emotionally maturing when I allowed alcohol to consume me. I started out last month as a 15 year old and handled things like one. He says that you gain a year of maturity back for every month that you are sober. It sounds silly to say, but I am grateful that I am now 16.
9. My dog seems to be happier because he is getting more attention.
10. My hands are no longer shaking.

artsoul

Great list......Those are some huge improvements. I know it was still quite hard for me at 30+ days, but I knew I was headed in the right direction. Even after 1 1/2 years, my life continues to get better and so will yours.

Be patient with yourself. It's normal to have all kinds of emotions, bad days, etc.... but you're making progress every day you stay sober.

eJoshua

Welcome to SR!

I am super excited by your sobriety. Just think of how awesome it would be if you got really solid in your sobriety and were able to carry the message of hope to those that are still afflicted with addiction on your college campus.

I'm 26 and also in college, so I know what it's like to be the oldest person around quite a bit, tho I feel like a teenager much of the time emotionally.

AA sounds like a really good thing for you to check out just based off what you posted, I think if you were able to find a solid group you would find that you really connect with them.

Stay strong

Fenris

Welcome to SR, TimetoDance. If I didn't have my AA friends to talk to about the bat**** crazy thoughts that run through my head, I really don't know what I do. Find a good home group and you'll find people who will drop everything to help you when you need it. Good luck.

--Fenris.

Dee74

like the list TTD- great idea

D