Back to AA
Back to AA
Well I called the girl from AA last night and she invited me to a small AA meeting she's going to tonight. To be honest I have mixed feelings. I am scared that AA will be my life just as drinking used to be my life. That I will never get over the obsession of drinking or not drinking. That I will see someone I know or that if I tell anyone I'm going to AA, they will judge me. I have misgivings about AA because I'm not religious and I have tried in the past to find a higher power but it all seems gimmicky to me. (But, just pretending there is a god and praying has helped calm me down and make me happier- like meditation I guess). I don't like all the cheesy slogans and it starts to sound religious or cult-like to me.
But on the other hand I really like this girl and hope to be her friend. I need sober friends and am mainly going for the company and support. She is so nice to me without knowing me that well, and she remembered me from 5 months or so ago when we went to lunch after I stopped going to AA and said I wasn't sure if it was for me or if I was an alcoholic (she was fine with that and said she remembers those feelings. She has never been pushy). I also think it will help to talk about things with people. Like on SR but in real life. :-)
The good thing about AA is I feel like I belong (which is also the bad thing and that the people are so nice and supportive. But when I leave I often have a very strong feeling which is usually very good, but sometimes bad. It's weird. But I am going to try it out again because I need to change everything and I want to make sure I stay sober this time. (Today is Day 9 for me this time).
I also have an appointment with a new therapist tomorrow after work (it's awesome that she does evening appointments!) and I hope I like her and plan to be honest with her, which I 've never totally been with my prior therapists (what a waste of money and time! - but it still helped). I am grateful for the woman I met at AA, and there is another one I met last time that I am going to call as well, and I want to strengthen my network of sober supportive friends. I am also grateful I have health insurance even though I'm not into most other aspects of my current job. Thanks everyone for all the advice and support. I'm grateful for SR.
But on the other hand I really like this girl and hope to be her friend. I need sober friends and am mainly going for the company and support. She is so nice to me without knowing me that well, and she remembered me from 5 months or so ago when we went to lunch after I stopped going to AA and said I wasn't sure if it was for me or if I was an alcoholic (she was fine with that and said she remembers those feelings. She has never been pushy). I also think it will help to talk about things with people. Like on SR but in real life. :-)
The good thing about AA is I feel like I belong (which is also the bad thing and that the people are so nice and supportive. But when I leave I often have a very strong feeling which is usually very good, but sometimes bad. It's weird. But I am going to try it out again because I need to change everything and I want to make sure I stay sober this time. (Today is Day 9 for me this time).
I also have an appointment with a new therapist tomorrow after work (it's awesome that she does evening appointments!) and I hope I like her and plan to be honest with her, which I 've never totally been with my prior therapists (what a waste of money and time! - but it still helped). I am grateful for the woman I met at AA, and there is another one I met last time that I am going to call as well, and I want to strengthen my network of sober supportive friends. I am also grateful I have health insurance even though I'm not into most other aspects of my current job. Thanks everyone for all the advice and support. I'm grateful for SR.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 38
I bet the good would outweight the bad if you made a list of things you were grateful for due to "aa" and thinks you just didnt like. =)
this was brought up in my meeting last night. usually gratitude wins..its the alcoholic mind that wants to make up excuses not to go.
this was brought up in my meeting last night. usually gratitude wins..its the alcoholic mind that wants to make up excuses not to go.
I understand and share in many of your sentiments. I dont want recovery to absorb my life either, but I am afraid itll always be there at some level. It sounds like you are on a good track, Pigtails. Why not let it take its own course and see where it takes you?
Thanx for your open and honest post.
Pretending there is a God and praying to Him is an excellent way to start! You're willing to give it the benefit of the doubt. This leaves you open to a real and meaningful experience with a higher power of YOUR understanding.
Pretending there is a God and praying to Him is an excellent way to start! You're willing to give it the benefit of the doubt. This leaves you open to a real and meaningful experience with a higher power of YOUR understanding.
I bet the good would outweight the bad if you made a list of things you were grateful for due to "aa" and thinks you just didnt like. =)
this was brought up in my meeting last night. usually gratitude wins..its the alcoholic mind that wants to make up excuses not to go.
this was brought up in my meeting last night. usually gratitude wins..its the alcoholic mind that wants to make up excuses not to go.
Yeah, it's recently really hit me hard that this is part of who I am. The struggle may always be there. There is no magic or instant cure. It is something I will have to work on my whole life. That is kind of depressing but it also helps me to realize that I need to address it and work on it instead of just hiding it or escaping from it.
I have really weird thoughts so I apologize if I'm not making sense. I was raised in a very religious and controlling environment that I totally rebelled against and rejected, so to me it's amazing that I have even tried to or wanted to be believe in a God or wanted any spirituality at all. I have been trying to find out what it means for me, independent of how I was raised. For me it is more of a secular humanist veiwpoint, and I like a lot that Buddhism has to offer although I don't believe in any of the supernatural stuff.
I was a unitarian, well, my family was, for a while growing up, then we joined the Society of Friends (Quakers... check them out too!)... and now, many years later I'm catholic, LOL...
It's the journey, you know? Seek and ye shall find... all of that... It seems that is what you are doing... awesome.
Mark
It's the journey, you know? Seek and ye shall find... all of that... It seems that is what you are doing... awesome.
Mark
You know for a very long time I didn't believe in a HP. I faked it alot. I honestly saw change in the people around me. The home group I chose was a 1-3 steps meeting and they met in a rehab center. So, there was always this consistant reminder of what awaited me if I went back to drinking. Because in the end of my drinking career while I was still barely in control of my professional life... my social life went to ****.
Anyway, for what it is worth... in early soberity it is a great thing if the focus is AA or whatever road you make a decision to travel.
Anyway, for what it is worth... in early soberity it is a great thing if the focus is AA or whatever road you make a decision to travel.
I was a unitarian, well, my family was, for a while growing up, then we joined the Society of Friends (Quakers... check them out too!)... and now, many years later I'm catholic, LOL...
It's the journey, you know? Seek and ye shall find... all of that... It seems that is what you are doing... awesome.
Mark
It's the journey, you know? Seek and ye shall find... all of that... It seems that is what you are doing... awesome.
Mark
Thanks.
You know for a very long time I didn't believe in a HP. I faked it alot. I honestly saw change in the people around me. The home group I chose was a 1-3 steps meeting and they met in a rehab center. So, there was always this consistant reminder of what awaited me if I went back to drinking. Because in the end of my drinking career while I was still barely in control of my professional life... my social life went to ****.
Anyway, for what it is worth... in early soberity it is a great thing if the focus is AA or whatever road you make a decision to travel.
Anyway, for what it is worth... in early soberity it is a great thing if the focus is AA or whatever road you make a decision to travel.
Yes, my professional and social life were very crappy. I want to have a happy fulfilling life. So I am faking it until I hopefully make it.
Thanks.
Thanks! I will let you know how it goes. I feel very anxious today and unable to concentrate. I don't know what it is about AA that makes me feel anxious... I guess just admitting I have a problem and being afraid of the stigma, etc. But I haven't been able to stay sober on my own so I have to try it. I think once I get there my fears will subside. Perhaps I should have gone to a morning meeting because I seem to be anxious until I get there?!
Thanks. Studying Buddhism helps me and I've thought about studying Taoism. I am not even sure what it is but will check it out. By the way, I like your avatar. Watching South Park makes me laugh and decreases my anxiety!!
As to my avatar, I've had it for a long time, he used to be drinking a beer, but when I quit, I had a friend switch it to water.
camedown
My favorite thus far is,"when we're in this meeting, alcohol is in the parking lot, doing push ups." So true.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
Pigtails, there are only two groups of people in AA.
The first group very much didn't like the idea of being alcoholic and what that meant and said about them and having to do some simple stuff in order to deal well with their condition the rest of their lives.
The second group has no members.
The first group very much didn't like the idea of being alcoholic and what that meant and said about them and having to do some simple stuff in order to deal well with their condition the rest of their lives.
The second group has no members.
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