cafenervosa

A brief histroy of me: Back in 2002 I severly crushed the T11 & T12 vertebrea in my back as well as messed up my neck pretty severely. Since then I started drinking heavily (after having a very traumatic reconstructive surgery on my back.) After getting surgery on my neck back in 2009, I started taking pain killers. Small amounts at first. Now I'm hooked on Oxy and have had a steady prescription of it for the past two months. I ran out of my prescription this past Sat. and told myself that I wasn't going to take any more. I knew I was taking them just to get high and I know I need to stop before I get in way over my head and can't stop. I've read about some of the aweful withdrawl symptoms you can have and I'm quite frankly terrified. Since I've stopped taking Oxy I've already been experiencing some of those symptoms: Hot flashes, sweats, feeling feverish and then getting chills. I called out sick from work yesterday because I couldn't muster the energy to get out of bed.

I've slept for around 14hrs and got up early with my b/f (he has no idea I have any issues at all and I don't want him to know). Right now I just feel tired, sad and rather drained. I feel better physically than I did on Sunday, but I just feel very drained and fatigued. I'm trying to eat healthy and take vitamins to be sure to give my body what it needs to heal.

My question now is: What happens next? How long and I going feel tired, drained, mentally and emotionally exhausted? The worst part is I have another appointment to get my oxy refill and I'm terrified that I'm going to refill and just say forget it and keep feeding my addiction.

One thing I absolutly refuse to do is go to any sort of treatment clinic or talk to any doctor's about anything. I want nothing to do with that stuff. I hate it with a passion and will not go. I want to fix this myself. I know I can, I just need someone to talk to about it. That's why I'm here. I just want to know how to do this and how get past the worst of the cravings and symptoms.

Reading through some of the threads here seem to give me some feeling that at least coming here to vent and talk will be a step in the right direction.

sugarbear1

Good luck! I found I couldn't be both doctor and patient to myself.

Best wishes!

UofI2008

Not preaching to you because I am definetly not a bastion of sobriety, but, if you really want to quit why are you cutting out options already by refusing to go to a doctor or treatment clinic. With that being said there are alot of people here that got sober without a doctor or treatment clinic type situation. AVRT is one method that I can think of right now and there are many many more than that. You could do one on one counseling with a substance abuse counselor. Bottom line is YOU NEED to do something or your addiction will creep back up on you when you least expect/ want it to be there.

cafenervosa

I understand what you guys are saying, but what is a doctor going to tell me that I don't already know? I know I need to quit. I know how to quit...just don't do it. What I'm looking for is for someone to just listen...and not charge me $100's I don't have. I need inspiration, hope and a way to stay on track and stay focused on staying clean.

sugarbear1

Try a few aa meetings. Just to be with others who understand + who will listen. Ignore the program & be with people.

If you drank daily and stop abruptly, you can shock your body with fatal results. See a doctor.

pikkle69

At best, only about 1 in 5 are able to maintain any type of sobriety for the 1st year without getting some type of outside help or support. Just suck it up, go to the doctor and be totally honest. What's a few hundred bucks compared to years of misery and eventually an early death? And you have us here, all the time!

sugarbear1

Alcoholics Anonymous, Lee County Florida

UofI2008

I am not saying that you have to use a support group or a doctor, but, you need to have a plan. Like I said, AVRT etc. Trust me, getting sober is always easy for me until I get 2 months in and things start going well. Thats the hardest part because your mind is going to want to trick you into thinking that you can go back to your DOC. I made between 2-5 months three times now and I am starting to realize that I need a solid plan in place or else I will fail because I won't be prepared to handle the difficult situations. By the way, I did those months without a support group or dr. etc.

aNewDawn

It may not only be about what the doctor is telling you, but also you being able to talk about your addiction. I am doing outpatient detox with daily visits at a clinic right now and I already notice that it's helping me a lot to talk about it.

There is also other options like AA or SMART and their recovery groups, you might want to check your options in the area.

I also liked the stuff vom Rational Recovery with AVRT, although it did not work perfectly for me (so far).

Robbie86

Hey cafenervosa , do you have the big book ??? Are you working the steps ??? Maybe , you could try that for the time being .

sugarbear1

You need a sponsor to work the steps fully.

Robbie86

You do ? Why ?

Dee74

Hi cafenervosa

Not being a wise guy, but that sounds like quite a bind.

I'm an alcoholic - never done oxys - but I think most of us here would agree no one does it alone.

I tried for 20 years and got nowhere - well, nowhere good.

I hope you'll consider a recovery group option at least whether it's NA or SMART or something else

D

least

Welcome to SR. Have you considered going to Narcotics Anonymous meetings? I would think those could provide support in your efforts to stay clean. All the best to you.:ghug3


http://www.nagulfcoastfla.org/

susanlauren

What are your plans if you find you can't "fix this yourself"? What then? And how long will you try fixing it yourself before you decide that you need outside help? Susan Lauren

eJoshua

Welcome to SR! I think you have made a great first step by coming here and posting. I did Oxy maybe three or four times, my big thing was alcohol. Essentially I think it's the same thing we're dealing with though, and that's addiction.

When I first started trying to get sober I thought a lot like you did, looking for ways to do it on my own. I don't know if it was a pride thing with me, or I was underestimating the problem or if I didn't really want to quit enough, but I never had any luck relying on just myself. I'm sure that some people find that to be successful, but it didn't work for me. You can see from the other replies that many people here didn't find that that program worked for them either.

Most of us look to each other for support, which thankfully is often free, so you don't have to worry about the $$$ that you don't have. AA or NA is a great option since those groups are easily the most common and easy to find.

I hope you stick it out and keep coming here. Hopefully you will find success on your own, but I would encourage you to keep an open mind and try to learn what you can on here about addiction and also to keep an open mind to the options you have available to you. If going solo doesn't work then try something else. Addiction comes in many flavors and there are many paths to sobriety.

Best wishes to you, I have the best confidence that if you stay committed you can find the sobriety you desire.

cafenervosa

Well this is day 4 so far and I'm starting to feel a bit more normal. The past three days, I felt aweful. Flu-like symptoms, nausea, hot & cold flashes. Last night I couldn't sleep very well, so now I just feel very tired, drained. After going through all of this, I know now that I NEVER want to do this again. I'm so ashamed of myself for letting myself get so caught up in all this garbage. I'm so much better than all this crap I kept putting into my body. I want my old life back, desperately!!

You know what I used to be addicted to when I was in my 20's? Running! Yep, running! I couldn't go more than 2 days without needing to get out and run, whether it was snowing & freezing cold out when I lived in Wisconsin or when the heat index was well over 100 with 100% humidity down here in Florida. I would crave getting out and moving. And you know the bitch of it all?? The Oxy's made me feel that exact same way when I would take them and go for a run!! I felt like wonder woman! I could run forever with oxy's in me. Now I can bearly go for a 15 min. walk without feeling exhausted.

I want the old me back again, desperatly. I used to be such a strong person. I also used to do extensive body building in addition to running. After I broke my back, the surgery and drugs I was on there-after, then the drinking; and now back to the drugs is what slowly wore me down and took away what I used to be. I tried for 7 years to pretend that the trauma of the accident didn't phase me. The only reason it never really sunk in was because I masked it in drugs and alcohol.

The thought of loosing what I once had sickens me. It angers me to the point of disgust. I hate what I have become and I swear on my dearly departed father's grave that I will get back what was once me.

I think the reason I don't want outside help and why I came here and would rather do this on my own, is because I feel like I own it myself to get out of this mess on my own. I started all this crap on my own, I need to get ouf of my own. I don't want anyone trying to analyze me or trying to fix me. I just want someone to listen and understand. I have a friend here I plan on sharing my story with. She's going to be shocked beyond reason to find out about this. But I trust her to listen and understand.