Sara23

So Im on day 3 and Im doing much better today. Slept great last night and I think a lot of it had to do with me sleeping so crappy the night before. So today is my "ladies night" where my friends and I meet up and hang out and these past few weeks we turned ladies night into working out instead of drinking and that has been great! But it got me thinking...what do I do about hanging out with friends that drink? I mean honestly everyone I know drinks, some more than others, and Im just trying to figure out how to balance a social life as well as a sober life. Should I just be honest with everyone and tell them I am not drinking. I thought about making a list of sober activities I wanted to do and start recomending those activities instead of the usual bar. I know they will all be understanding but it is still weird since so much of our time hanging out involved some sort of alocohol. Maybe I should just lay low for a while and dissappear for a little bit...

ventura47

There is a posibility that one or more of your friends would like to stop drinking also. I would tell them.

PaleMale

You should be honest with them that you don't drink anymore. I don't think you have to tell them you had a drinking problem. I've found it's better to take the high road and say you just don't drink anymore. Just like you don't smoke cigars. You don't drive 150mph on the highway, etc. You've chosen to live healthier and booze was not along with that ideal.

"Friends" who have to drink with friends or they are not friends, probably don't care about anything but the drinking, and that misery takes hostages. Plenty of things to do with friends that don't revolve around drinking.

Congrats on your time! Taking some time to "lay low" and get your sobriety on firmer ground is tremendously wise. Some say it takes a few months to make it a more solid habit and routine. Then, if you feel strong enough, you can meet fiends at a place where there's drinks and leave early. Or still, you don't have to go to bars at all, really.

Tigger41

Maybe just for now tell them you're taking a break. I've told people I'm taking November off. Then I plan to tell that I liked it so much (ha ha) I'm taking December off as well. After awhile my guess is they'll stop asking me - well that's my plan.

SamanthaIam

I hear ya -- many of my friends get together just to drink, which now that I'm not, seems like kind of a funny idea. Like, they'll invite me over to drink wine, and I think, that's it? That's the activity? the reason for getting together is just to drink? Kinda weird when you think about it.

Anyway, if you're the first of your friends to give up drinking, I doubt you'll be the last. Be proud of what you're doing for yourself, and let others think whatever they want. If anyone asks why I'm not drinking, I sometimes say laughing, "I think I've reached my lifetime quota." or "I just don't feel like it right now."

The only people who seem agitated by me not drinking are the ones who may be having difficulty themselves.

Pigtails

For me I've taken a myriad trial-and-error approach. I've found that when I'm not firm, I slip up and relapse. There are friends I hung out with and activities I did just to feed the drinking demon, if you know what I mean. I also thought I had some "true friends" that wouldn't care if I didn't drink, or that I hung out with for other reasons that don't involve drinking, but sadly I learned differently. I laid low for awhile, I told some people I was taking a break from drinking, I stopped going to the same places and doing the same things that were all about drinking, I started re-connecting with old friends who don't drink or whose lives don't revolve around drinking, and I started or resumed new activities that don't involve drinking (running, reading, writing [I belong to a great writing group that doesn't involve drinking, and book club]), skiing, working harder at work ha ha, just talking to my far-away friends and family on the phone more, cleaning my apartment, watching movies or TV shows I like... there are so many things to do besides drink, that I was not doing because I was drinking. (Even sleeping/cuddling with my pets and/or boyfriend!)

It also helps to make some new friends whose lives don't revolve around drinking, to build a support network of people who understand what you're going through and who want to help you (like SR, but in real life). I have found AA to be great for that. I also sometimes go to a "church" (I'm not religious, but it's Unitarian Universalist, so, there's no dogma or creed to subscribe to-- just inspiring "sermons" about being a good person and making your own life and the world a better place, using a mix of different religious and non-religious teachings as motivation and for thought.) I hope to get more involved in this church and do activities with people who don't drink.

I have found that if I waffle, "I'm not drinking because I'm trying to lose weight," etc., my "friends" would always have a ready reason for me to change my mind- "you can have a couple and still lose weight because you've been eating better," etc. So I have to be firm in my resolve and for me that means not putting myself in tempting situations while I'm still trying to gain strength. This is how I lost friends but that's okay because it's shown me there wasn't much to those friendships anyway. I like your ideas of sober activities and your true friends will be happy to spend more quality time with you and support you in your sobriety. Good luck!

Dee74

I took time out from my social life and alcohol fueled events in the beginning - that time, when I worked on my recovery and fundamentally committed myself to sobriety no matter what, was time well spent for me


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