Solis

Hey all, I'll be seven months sober in a few days here, but lately (over the past few weeks) I've been growing more and more angry and irritable about...life? People? It's hard to say. I was recently talking with a friend and said this:

I think people are idiots. I think they're greedy, selfish, rude, and short-sighted. Customers are particularly terrible people. But the wealthy and the well-to-do are the worst. Their sense of self-worth is so inflated. So ******* pompous. The elderly as well. People never stop complaining. They're all so goddamn lazy. It pisses me off. And I'm not all that different. Ugh. I am so goddamn tired of people's wants and so-called needs and all the waste.

That's the kind of stuff that runs through my head all day, every day. I just can't stand people and their behavior. I think life itself is a raw deal. I don't want to go out and drink and I don't want to resume my self-injury, nor do I have any suicidal ideations. But man, I am tired of waking up every day and being angry and going to bed angry.

I think that maybe this is normal, though, for recovery? These are things that I just tolerated or didn't care about when I was drinking because those were carefree times, except when it came down to getting money to get drunk and what to do when I didn't have enough money to get as drunk as I needed to be.

Now that I'm sober, I have to experience life as it is and it's, to put it bluntly, pretty much terrible, filled with terrible people. I can still find some peace when it comes to talking with and dealing with kids, who I find to be so clever and imaginative and real, whether they're rude and loud or sweet and kind. The natural world, at times, also puts me at peace. But these are the only bright spots in a long, long line of ****. Now I have to figure out a way to cope with life itself without drinking. Not sure how, though.

Mark75

No, I don't think it's really normal at 7 months.

What kind of program of recovery are you working?

Another

Thanks for sharing Solis, The key to feeling better is focusing on people's positive attractions rather than negative ones. We are essentially all the same and suffer in more similar rather than different ways. It also helps to keep in mind that we all want the same basic happiness in life as well. Perhaps your at an advantage during this juncture in your life where you see something as intolerable (anger) and are finally willing to do something about it. I practice Buddhism to help me along the way

Aegian

Hi Solis,

I hear ya.

Nothing and I mean nothing irritates me more than greed, especially when accompanied by a sense of self-importance. That, and don't get me started on what passes for customer care these days. People are self-absorbed and think everyone they come into contact with is either beneath them, owes them, or is otherwise in their way or wasting their time.

One thing that may help is to unfocus from all the BS and work a gratitude list. You are free to start with 'I'm grateful I am not sucking lemons at other people's expense all day' but you can really unleash the mindset shift with the little things like waking up with the sun before your alarm goes off or gratitude for the people in your life that make it all worth while.

Another thing is smiling. Not a fake smile, but a genuine, good-to-meet-ya smile. That goes a LONG way to disarming the jerks in this world.

If nothing else, when you find yourself in a situation where someone is being unnecessarily rude and taking out their misery on all those around them - just say to yourself that Karma is a biotch with a LONG memory and dismiss it. Just whatever you do, rise above it and don't wallow down in the mud with them.

nvrbeentospain

Do you think maybe you're suffering some burnout either on work or something else in life? You mentioned customers, which made me think it might be a work thing. I actually could have written a very similar statement to the one you made with a slightly different target related to work, and yeah, I'm a little burnt out. Do you have any vacation coming up? I think that's gotta help.

Solis

I'm not doing any kind of formal program. I got sober through the help of a treatment program and have been maintaining that sobriety ever since with daily reminders of why I don't drink, what I lost, and by focusing on my Self versus my Alcoholic Self and which of the two I prefer, since the two do not and cannot find some common ground. I'm supported in this by friends, family, and my therapist.

Nothing and I mean nothing irritates me more than greed, especially when accompanied by a sense of self-importance. That, and don't get me started on what passes for customer care these days. People are self-absorbed and think everyone they come into contact with is either beneath them, owes them, or is otherwise in their way or wasting their time.

One thing that may help is to unfocus from all the BS and work a gratitude list. You are free to start with 'I'm grateful I am not sucking lemons at other people's expense all day' but you can really unleash the mindset shift with the little things like waking up with the sun before your alarm goes off or gratitude for the people in your life that make it all worth while.

I'm trying to keep myself focused on the fact that this is only temporary. By August, I'll be out of this job, out of this state, and back in the atmosphere I love working towards my passions. In August, I'll be off to grad school to get my MFA and to progress towards getting a professional career in either editing/publishing or becoming a teacher, whichever catches my fancy. That's part of why I am so unhappy right now; this place is merely an in-between place, a state of limbo between my former extreme unhappiness and the bright future ahead of me. I'm impatient. And the crap I have to cut through to reach that future is starting to beat me down.

Solis

No vacation time. I only started back in July. I am really burnt out in many ways. The things that make me happiest –*writing, reading, intelligent discourse on anything from Beat poets to the ethics of corporate factory operations – have been sorely lacking in my life since I graduated from college over a year and a half ago. I feel like I'm one of those people that thrives in academia, or at least in an environment of constant learning and mental challenge.

More than anything, I feel bored every day and when I'm bored I tend to get angry or discontent. But at the same time, I have trouble putting my pen to the paper, I have difficulties concentrating on books. I have few people here to talk to and the few friends I have aren't interested in such conversations. I am bored and lonely and I move from my house to work and back, ad nauseum, bored and irritated and frustrated out of my mind. But it's all temporary; that's all I have to go on. I just have to bear through four or five more months. Which seems like a lifetime from where I'm standing.

I hate just about everything about where I'm at in life right now, except for my sobriety. I hate the city I live in, I hate having to live at home (where I'm unable to cook what I want to cook and keep the food that I want for myself), I hate the job I have and how unimportant and meaningless it is (I do nothing to help those who need it nor do I do anything creative or intellectually provocative), I hate the weather, and so on. I hate the things that I currently have no control over, that I must put up with out of necessity.

This is why I'm so angry all the time, no doubt. The stupid customers and coworkers and the general stupidity, rudeness, and self-centeredness of people in general is just the straw on the camel's back.

Tinyrev

Yeah I'm not sure how much of this has to do with recovery, or just day to day crap that is now presenting it's self to you, un muted by booze. I do think that this will pass. I've felt this way before in the last few months, and it's ugly. An ugly feeling. I know it's hard, but try to focus on the things that you can change or influence positively. Because you can't change people, only your own reaction to them. Good luck and be well!

Mark75

Well, give yourself a lot of credit for the 7 months!! It sounds like you have a program. Maybe tweak it a little... I see you are focusing on self as opposed to your alcoholic self. And ... that you keep reminding yourself how bad it was.

When I get restless, irritable and discontent... those things don't work... remembering how bad it was and all... same with focusing on self... the latter often just makes it worse... I want to get out of self, it's a bad neighborhood, LOL.

Maybe you can look at how to get out of self... there are lots of things you can try. There was a suggestion for you to smile at people, and get a smile back... or... do something nice for someone, maybe even not telling them that you did so...

The holidays are coming. Thankfully these are my third set and not drinking isn't a big deal anymore... but staying out of myself, finding meaning in the season... well I have to work at that... I don't think I am unique, and that it is not the sole territory of alkies... and when I am concentrating on others... I am not trapped in self, anymore...

There is a spiritual approach as well, but that is a dicey topic here in the newcomers section so I'll just stop there.

Again, awesome, seven months... Don't beat yourself up too much, OK?

Aegian

Ah - that makes perfect sense. I'm an 'everything YESTERDAY' type too. Couldn't wait to go back to school to work on my Masters. That in itself was a long slog, but getting started was a huge relief.

If I were in your shoes right now, I would do something that would help me focus on the next step as a reminder that the present is just a holding pattern. Maybe a reverse calendar or countdown clock?

Another thing I would gravitate toward is, again, the gratitude list. My temperament would go NUTS if I worked somewhere doing something that didn't give me a sense of accomplishment, or at least giving back. In that position, I would need to rewire my thinking and try to refocus by calling it a 'mental break' - giving me downtime in preparation for a huge lifestyle change (moving + school + new work). I might also use the free time to set expectations for that future. Googling up things like places to live in the new community, things to do - and put those links into a bookmarks folder to revisit when having a down day and needing a reminder of why this interim stage.

It is no doubt frustrating to not have control of your kitchen, diet, meals, etc - but if all goes as planned, you will have your hands full with budgets, cooking, work/school in no time. Take advantage of the current situation and be grateful that it is one less thing to worry about while you save funds and continue to work on your recovery!