CamilleBelle

My close family and love ones know I have issues with alcohol... yet it's always like "well when you get better you can drink wine, or ya, as long as you only drink on weekends you'll be fine" ... How can I bluntly put it to my husband and family that NO>>> its not something I can control, and YES I need your help/support!!! Given i've never let them in on the whole issue, but they pretty much know, and are still giving me excuses to drink... not intentionally of course. so frustrating...

pikkle69

Just got off the phone with my dad. He's just adamant that I come over tomorrow and drink beer with him. For this reason I told him that I would probably not. It's a hard decision to make but my health right now is more important than his feelings. I come from a long line of alcoholics, most of whom lived to ripe old ages when they weren't getting killed in some war but I just don't want to tempt fate and I don't want to end up a bitter old drunk like many of them did. Yes, they lived into old age, but for the most part they never really lived at all. I don't know the right answer except that if you can get away from the people who are enabling you, then do so, now. I know it's not easy but neither is dying.

Itchy

Start with your Doctor and be honest about the amounts. He/she will most likely suggest medical detox to be safe and can help with the family too if you all use the same GP like we do here. My family also made light of mine, except my wife who was up close and personal that last year.

My boys said i was fine i just needed to cut back etc. I checked into the VA for an in hospital detox on the advice of my GP. I used the VA counselors and joined AA and here. My friends and family were very supportive and only my long distance friends asked if I was still sober after a few weeks. But since I also quit my chain smoking of 3 packs a day everybody still asks if I still don't smoke. They all get a kick out of that.

I figured why waste a perfectly good in hospital medical detox on just one of the two drugs I was hooked an and were killing me.

You are waaaay ahead of most who try to drink and recover in the closet. As you are seeing it isn't a bombshell for others. In fact most don't really care if we drink or not. It is such a non-event for others. But others won't go to meetings of any type, counseling etc. Afraid others might think poor;ly if they found out. The ones who actually do get sober usually find that they weren't fooling anybody that would care.

Nikoneer

Wow, I really couldn't say much more to help than Itchy already has! All I could maybe add is....

Have you ever said exactly that? It sure ain't easy, I KNOW cause I'm right now thinking about doing just that. I can only speak for myself but I know I'm going to have to be,.. well,... just BLUNT. My sister has know about my drinking problem for years and has given up on trying to get someone, (me) to do something I didn't want to do, (get help). I think maybe if your completely honest with them and they see how serious you are about this they will understand too but I ALSO know how hard it's going to be to be perfectly honest with them. I'm struggling with that even as I type this.

Dee74

I think being honest is important, so if you feel you need to say this to your family, I'd just do it.

I wouldn't expect them to get it tho. I still had to say 'no thanks' for a long time afterwards.

Although support from my family would have been nice in a perfect world, I didn't get it - and I didn't need it.

This was my 'deal',. I wanted to do it, and SR supported me way more than my family ever could.

D

flutter

Well the truth is, you DON'T need their support or their help to recover. People who aren't alcoholics don't understand alcoholism, and it's a burden if anything else to place any of the responsibility of our recovery on them. I saw a counselor a couple of times a week to help with my recovery.. it was very private to me, my husband didn't interfere with the work I was doing, and I'm thankful he was so hands-off.. I really didn't want to try making him understand, because he couldn't. My recovery journey has been incredibly intimate and personal, and the loved ones in my life reap the benefits of the work I've done on my own, naturally. A lot of "no thank you"s and "I don't drink anymore, I never will again"s for a while, but eventually the people in my life just accepted that I was a non-drinker and we moved on with things in life.

InParticular

I told my dad yesterday. Believe me it was hard and embarrassing to fess up to the seriousness of my problem, but guess what, he was relieved and glad and proud because he's known I've had a problem for years and wants to see me healthy. Your family feels the same way but if they don't know the gravity of it because you haven't told them, and it's something you feel you need, their support, you have to just sit them down and tell them. You will be so glad to have your family on board. It feels good. They're your family and they care about you. You may have to adjust your expectations a bit. I was bracing for some big reaction from my dad but it was pretty anticlimactic, like Itchy said I haven't been fooling him. Bottom line is you're doing this for you. But you'll feel better for them knowing.

Nikoneer

Mt brother called last night. Wanted to know what I wanted when I called the other day. I finally fessed up to him and told him everything and how serious it was (at least to me). Once again, nothing but supportive. I feel that by outing myself to the small circle of people I trust as well as SR I am building the foundation of support I'm going to need to make this work. But that is just MY situation and what works for me. Your mileage may vary but I wish you all the best..

SD777

I can relate. My sister, a nurse is a big part of my sobriety. She basically told me that if I continued drinking, I would die, likely in the near future. That night I had my last drink in 17 days. Yesterday we spoke on the phone about my visit next month. She mentioned going wine tasting! I guess I'm going to have to explain that I'm choosing life over wine!

Nikoneer

I just wanted to share this, here on this thread because I thought it the best place.

I put off "fessing up" to my sister who more than anyone in the world knows my problems and troubles. I don't know exactly why. Maybe because she is the one I love, respect and trust the most and who's respect if lost would be the greatest felt by me.

She's also a nurse. Once I told her EVERYTHING she was overjoyed! She has waited for me to do this longer than anyone yet it was still uncomfortable for me to have the discussion. It is such a HUGE weight to be lifted from my shoulders to have "come clean" with those I trust and have their support.

I understand this may not be typical for all but even if you do not have this kind of "family understanding" and support you have US. We may not respond immediately to a post or message but that does not mean we haven't heard AND understand.

I only post this here because because to was a logical extension to the post you originated Cam. So thank you for that.

I owe ya one...

ACT10Npack

I hear this a lot with people on this forum when it comes to alcohol and social events or family member drinking. Best way to answer them is to just tell them that you don't drink anymore. Plain and simple and that should be the end of it. If they ask why then tell them alcohol never suit well with me and I just feel better if I don't drink it. Or something in the line of that. Most people don't really care anyway when it comes to drinking or not.

Sorry flutter but I don't agree with your statement when it comes to "People who aren't alcoholics don't understand alcoholism". Anyone can understand it just change alcohol to over eating or gambling or sex addiction or working too much. When you tell with your issues in an unhealthy way you will only make yourself worst.