WritingFool

Hi Everyone-

I am restarting my recovery after a 4 year hiatus of being a functional alcoholic. Before that I had three years sober.

Anyway, this time I feel different. I am not really excited about having to do this again... and forever. The first time I was in recovery I was thrilled to get a new start and now I just feel beaten down.

To be sure, it has been an intensely crappy four years. I started a new job, which is always stressful, got divorced, had a blowout with my abusive mother and nearly went bankrupt trying to support a family of 5 on my own - my husband is a college student and while he works part-time, his entire paycheck goes toward child support for his daughter from a previous marriage. I guess I feel beaten for some good reasons!

But I am just so burned out. I don't want to do anything but sleep. I am very depressed, but I am working on it with my therapist.

The weird thing is, it isn't hard to stop drinking this time. It enters my mind but it is easy to just NOT do it. Weird, I know. And yes I know that will change and I will be powerfully tempted at times, but I find it odd that I just don't care. It has been two weeks and I can't honestly say I have really been tempted.

What the heck!! Am I just so depressed that I have even lost interest in drinking?? LOL!

Anyone have any ideas? (And no, I am not looking for anyone to tell me that I am not an alcoholic. I know I am.)

WritingFool

Bump... LOL. I feel like a loser bumping my own thread.

bozboz

Welcome, WF! Glad you're here.

Frisky

Well I've not been what you have WF so I have no idea really.

Are you getting out and doing things or is it all about the kids and no life of your own?

Ghostly

I don't know. Think even people with alcohol problems can go a while without drinking and craving a drink. Like you wrote the temptation may return.

You are experiencing something similar, though very different from what myself and many others went through. When I initially quit I didn't have the desire to drink for quite while either. Though I was on the other end, the "pink cloud" where I was basically high on a life with no alcohol. You're just blah, and I can relate to that too.

So, keep working with the Therapist. Important thing to remember is that the alcohol will not help you feel better and will not solve your problems.

Good luck. Congrats on the sober time.

WritingFool

I am trying to get out more, but the kids and my job have me on a crazy schedule. Lately my husband has been doing more of the after school running around with them so I can walk the mile home from work. That helps.

Other than that, I don't get out much because I teach full time and then write freelance when I am not teaching. I am only keeping that up until January or so, when I won't have to anymore. (The holidays and all right now.) My husband got a job freelancing as well so I hope he can help out more.

I guess I am taking baby steps toward doing more for myself.

@Ghostly - Yep - I know all it will take is one drink and I will be back to where I started. I have no doubt that I have a problem!

Dee74

I think being burned out and wanting to sleep was exactly how I felt in early recovery...blah and meh come to mind too.

If you're depressed on top of that, I can imagine some days can be a little grey

For me, I found posting here helped...and some volunteering...helping others was a great way to get out of my own mind, even if it was the last thing I felt like doing in the beginning

Doing things I liked to do - hobbies etc - helped as well.

The support here was great too - good to see you back

D

ReadyAndAble

Welcome to SR. You'll find a lot of support here. I'm glad things are going smoothly for you. I suspect sobriety will only help with the depression as well.

WritingFool

I hope you are right. Lord knows drinking helped me relax for a few hours but once the buzz wore off.... The depression and anxiety were terrible! Now I just feel like I'm living in a gray fog.

pikkle69

Yeah, in the fog too but it beats the alternative. Took about a week after I stopped for the anxiety and depression to subside (but my god, how bad was that detox anxiety!) 17 days and going strong, think I've got the least amount of anxiety I've had in about 15 years and I really, really love it that way. Hoping that the fog will lift in the next few months, on the job market and need to be as sharp as ever! Stick with this forum, I plan to religiously and you should too! We will succeed!!!

least

My early recovery was a very up and down time. I'd be blissfully happy one minute, sad and depressed the next. It was like being on a roller coaster for a while.

It's good you're seeing a therapist to talk about such things. Give yourself time to 'even out'.