Career issues in early and shaky sobrietry
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Career issues in early and shaky sobrietry
I have read/heard that I shouldn't make any big lifestyle changes while focusing on early sobriety. But I feel like I kind of have to. In my case for the past year and a half or more I have felt overwhelmed by deciding what to do with my life: examples, moving back towards home/where my family lives, quitting this job I don't like and starting my own business (where I live or back home), or just going into a different field in this career while still working at another place rather than striking out on my own. During this time I have realized I need to address my drinking and I have finally accepted that I am an alcoholic and need to never drink again. I have also figured out that I am not in the right field of this career and would rather be in a different area in the same career (hence my wanting to start my own business); however, I have made my current job worse by causing my own problems and being stuck in misery and not addressing things/communicating and just sitting there depressed instead of doing anything to change anything.
I think I have been waiting for life to force me to make a decision, or for the decision to be made for me by someone else, which I've realized is my MO. If I were my employer I would fire me, and I guess that's what some part of me has been wanting, but, instead I think I am getting a raise and they want to talk to me about my and their goals and expectations etc. Part of me feels grateful to have this job even though I hate it and haven't worked at it like they want me to at all.
It's like I try to get fired but then I fear being fired and then I am grateful to still be here but I'm unhappy here. I am not sure how much of it is my job/the people here and the basic philosophy/values that clash with my own (basically, they are all about money and I want to help people... which might make me a bad candidate for any job/career, ha ha), and how much of it is my alcoholism and depression and just generally being me. I need to either stay here and really work on addressing issues and working harder/caring, or I need to leave and change everything and stop being afraid of change and failure/success. Either options feels like such a huge decision that I feel unprepared to make.
Sometimes I think I should just stay here and use my good benefits to get therapy and maybe anti-depressants and be glad I have a paycheck, but, I have been thinking that for ages and just coasting without even availing myself of the benefits I have, and adding onto my stress and unhappiness at work by my own actions/inaction. So I need to change something big time and I often lack the motivation to do it. I don't know if I should just change everything up and be true to myself, which I'm not sure if that could include me working here in any capacity, or if I should just do a better job at my job while I focus on sobriety and getting myself the help I need which would be hard to do without financial stability and good health insurance. And I am not sure I have the ability to focus and work hard here so why even pretend to myself that I can do that?
I guess my way of not dealing with my life has caught up with me and I need to do something big to change it up. I need to be totally honest with myself and others. I was always able to coast on my image of being successful but not really feeling/acting successful, and I can still do that to some extent but time is running out. I want to be true to myself more than I want "success" but I am also afraid of not being able to pay bills! I don't feel like a paycheck and benefits is a good reason to work somewhere; if I'm so not into it, I should leave. So I am really thinking about leaving but I don't trust myself to make any decisions right now. :-/
I think I have been waiting for life to force me to make a decision, or for the decision to be made for me by someone else, which I've realized is my MO. If I were my employer I would fire me, and I guess that's what some part of me has been wanting, but, instead I think I am getting a raise and they want to talk to me about my and their goals and expectations etc. Part of me feels grateful to have this job even though I hate it and haven't worked at it like they want me to at all.
It's like I try to get fired but then I fear being fired and then I am grateful to still be here but I'm unhappy here. I am not sure how much of it is my job/the people here and the basic philosophy/values that clash with my own (basically, they are all about money and I want to help people... which might make me a bad candidate for any job/career, ha ha), and how much of it is my alcoholism and depression and just generally being me. I need to either stay here and really work on addressing issues and working harder/caring, or I need to leave and change everything and stop being afraid of change and failure/success. Either options feels like such a huge decision that I feel unprepared to make.
Sometimes I think I should just stay here and use my good benefits to get therapy and maybe anti-depressants and be glad I have a paycheck, but, I have been thinking that for ages and just coasting without even availing myself of the benefits I have, and adding onto my stress and unhappiness at work by my own actions/inaction. So I need to change something big time and I often lack the motivation to do it. I don't know if I should just change everything up and be true to myself, which I'm not sure if that could include me working here in any capacity, or if I should just do a better job at my job while I focus on sobriety and getting myself the help I need which would be hard to do without financial stability and good health insurance. And I am not sure I have the ability to focus and work hard here so why even pretend to myself that I can do that?
I guess my way of not dealing with my life has caught up with me and I need to do something big to change it up. I need to be totally honest with myself and others. I was always able to coast on my image of being successful but not really feeling/acting successful, and I can still do that to some extent but time is running out. I want to be true to myself more than I want "success" but I am also afraid of not being able to pay bills! I don't feel like a paycheck and benefits is a good reason to work somewhere; if I'm so not into it, I should leave. So I am really thinking about leaving but I don't trust myself to make any decisions right now. :-/
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Not really knowing the ins and outs of your situation, I'd say go with your heart... as long as your wallet isn't damaged in the process, or any other part of you either. And no matter what you do, staying sober will help.
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Originally Posted by least 
Not really knowing the ins and outs of your situation, I'd say go with your heart... as long as your wallet isn't damaged in the process, or any other part of you either. And no matter what you do, staying sober will help.
I have money saved up to start my business. I guess I'm just a chicken. And afraid of not having good insurance.
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Hi Pigtails,
Personally I'm almost always in favor of people getting out of jobs that make them unhappy and pursuing their dreams. That said, I would advise taking it slow and being prudent.
One thing I know is that alcoholism usually fosters some pretty escapist thinking, and even being newly sober the temptation to chuck it all in and start anew can be strong with some people.
If you want to change careers or start a business and possibly move to a new place, great! But I'd ask myself a few questions unrelated to alcohol. Primarily:
-- Do I have enough money saved up to survive 6-12 (or even, in this economy) 18 months without any income?
If the answer to that is no, then I'd ask why you think quitting your job needs to be the first step to finding a new one. You can look for a new job without quitting your current one. In fact, you're more likely to find a new job if you are employed than if you are unemployed.
I'm not sure your field or what you want to change to, but the economy is still very very lousy. And I don't think being unemployed is conducive to maintaining sobriety.
I'd give yourself some time, both to build your sobriety and plan your career change. Neither one of those things happen overnight.
I'm not sure if that's helpful -- but I do think some planning is in order, and I wouldn't rush into anything. Give yourself at least 6 months, and I'm sure these confusing issues will become more clear to you.
Good luck!
Personally I'm almost always in favor of people getting out of jobs that make them unhappy and pursuing their dreams. That said, I would advise taking it slow and being prudent.
One thing I know is that alcoholism usually fosters some pretty escapist thinking, and even being newly sober the temptation to chuck it all in and start anew can be strong with some people.
If you want to change careers or start a business and possibly move to a new place, great! But I'd ask myself a few questions unrelated to alcohol. Primarily:
-- Do I have enough money saved up to survive 6-12 (or even, in this economy) 18 months without any income?
If the answer to that is no, then I'd ask why you think quitting your job needs to be the first step to finding a new one. You can look for a new job without quitting your current one. In fact, you're more likely to find a new job if you are employed than if you are unemployed.
I'm not sure your field or what you want to change to, but the economy is still very very lousy. And I don't think being unemployed is conducive to maintaining sobriety.
I'd give yourself some time, both to build your sobriety and plan your career change. Neither one of those things happen overnight.
I'm not sure if that's helpful -- but I do think some planning is in order, and I wouldn't rush into anything. Give yourself at least 6 months, and I'm sure these confusing issues will become more clear to you.
Good luck!
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Join Date: Sep 2011
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Pigtails, Just saw your post in response to Least. That definitely alters my advice somewhat. Follow your dreams! But in as prudent a way as possible. But it still may be that waiting a few months and building some sober time would be helpful. Starting a business can be stressful -- but that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it!
But it still may be that waiting a few months and building some sober time would be helpful. Starting a business can be stressful -- but that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it!
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Originally Posted by Deserto
Hi Pigtails,
Personally I'm almost always in favor of people getting out of jobs that make them unhappy and pursuing their dreams. That said, I would advise taking it slow and being prudent.
One thing I know is that alcoholism usually fosters some pretty escapist thinking, and even being newly sober the temptation to chuck it all in and start anew can be strong with some people.
If you want to change careers or start a business and possibly move to a new place, great! But I'd ask myself a few questions unrelated to alcohol. Primarily:
-- Do I have enough money saved up to survive 6-12 (or even, in this economy) 18 months without any income?
If the answer to that is no, then I'd ask why you think quitting your job needs to be the first step to finding a new one. You can look for a new job without quitting your current one. In fact, you're more likely to find a new job if you are employed than if you are unemployed.
I'm not sure your field or what you want to change to, but the economy is still very very lousy. And I don't think being unemployed is conducive to maintaining sobriety.
I'd give yourself some time, both to build your sobriety and plan your career change. Neither one of those things happen overnight.
I'm not sure if that's helpful -- but I do think some planning is in order, and I wouldn't rush into anything. Give yourself at least 6 months, and I'm sure these confusing issues will become more clear to you.
Good luck!
Personally I'm almost always in favor of people getting out of jobs that make them unhappy and pursuing their dreams. That said, I would advise taking it slow and being prudent.
One thing I know is that alcoholism usually fosters some pretty escapist thinking, and even being newly sober the temptation to chuck it all in and start anew can be strong with some people.
If you want to change careers or start a business and possibly move to a new place, great! But I'd ask myself a few questions unrelated to alcohol. Primarily:
-- Do I have enough money saved up to survive 6-12 (or even, in this economy) 18 months without any income?
If the answer to that is no, then I'd ask why you think quitting your job needs to be the first step to finding a new one. You can look for a new job without quitting your current one. In fact, you're more likely to find a new job if you are employed than if you are unemployed.
I'm not sure your field or what you want to change to, but the economy is still very very lousy. And I don't think being unemployed is conducive to maintaining sobriety.
I'd give yourself some time, both to build your sobriety and plan your career change. Neither one of those things happen overnight.
I'm not sure if that's helpful -- but I do think some planning is in order, and I wouldn't rush into anything. Give yourself at least 6 months, and I'm sure these confusing issues will become more clear to you.
Good luck!
I have a plan, including money to live off of/fund the business for at least 6 months (more if I want to cut into funds I had originally planned to be longer-term investments/retirement money, but without taking out my 401(k) or any iron-clad retirement money) that people have told me is feasible. I don't want to disclose too much online but I am in an industry where people work for themselves or in groups/businesses. So I've talked to people who have gone off on their own in my small city and they have told me that I have plenty of money and also that I will be so glad to work for myself that I will never look back. Not surprisingly, when I've mentioned the idea to people in my industry who don't work for themselves, they have thought it's a crazy idea. I have accepted (I think?) the fact that I will not make what I'm making now for anywhere from 2 - 5 years and that the first year or two will be very slim, and I've downgraded my lifestyle in order to prepare and save money, and could/should even sell my luxury car for something cheaper/practical and have even more money, with the difference, to start my business. I have also realized that money/material things are not nearly as important to me as they once were, and that I can happily survive on less if I have a more fulfilling job where I feel I'm making a difference and being true to my values, but, many of the people in my situation right now-- working for others and making a lot of money-- are still where I was when I did care about things like big paychecks and image etc., so, it makes sense that they don't understand.
I do have an escapist personality though and I am afraid of walking away from security for some pipedream and then ending up regretting it. But here I stay stuck in misery and regretting that too. I have been planning/preparing to do something else but am always too scared to pull the trigger. I don't have much motivation to work hard at my current job but I fear that I won't have much motivation to work hard for myself (I feel like I will, but, who knows?), and then I'll starve! I too have thought of switching jobs (I've switched jobs a lot, but always within this same area that I dislike... it took me awhile to make the connection, ha ha!, so I've thought of switching jobs to an area I do like), and maybe that is a good middle ground for now and would give me more experience in the area I want to work in without having to fend for myself right away. I will have to give more consideration to this idea. I think I am disillusioned by working for other people but perhaps if I had more in common with the people I worked with and shared their philosophy and vision, I would have an easier time doing it.
Thanks again Deserto.
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Pigtails it doesn't sound like a pipedream. It sounds like you've done your research.
As a freelance consultant I can tell you that being self-employed, while it has its own set of anxieties, is the most secure thing I've ever done.
Some people climb ladders. Some people build their own. Maybe you're the latter? (Er, no pun intended there, really.) And if so, the only path to happiness is to build your own.
As a freelance consultant I can tell you that being self-employed, while it has its own set of anxieties, is the most secure thing I've ever done.
Some people climb ladders. Some people build their own. Maybe you're the latter? (Er, no pun intended there, really.) And if so, the only path to happiness is to build your own.
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Originally Posted by Deserto
Pigtails it doesn't sound like a pipedream. It sounds like you've done your research.
As a freelance consultant I can tell you that being self-employed, while it has its own set of anxieties, is the most secure thing I've ever done.
Some people climb ladders. Some people build their own. Maybe you're the latter? (Er, no pun intended there, really.) And if so, the only path to happiness is to build your own.
As a freelance consultant I can tell you that being self-employed, while it has its own set of anxieties, is the most secure thing I've ever done.
Some people climb ladders. Some people build their own. Maybe you're the latter? (Er, no pun intended there, really.) And if so, the only path to happiness is to build your own.
Ha ha nice pun.
The funny thing is I know I'm most scared of failure but I could always get another job. It's not like I'd be blacklisted out of the industry! I could just say I tried my own thing and now I'm back in the market, or whatever.ETA- you mention anxieties and that's another reason I've stalled. I have an anxiety disorder and always get overly stressed/anxious. So I wonder if working for myself would increase this. But I stress myself out at work because I hate it so much here. I feel like I'd be stressed no matter what I do!
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You'd know better than any of us whats right for you Pigtails
Some changes need to be made, regardless of when they occur in recovery...while others, while uncomfortable or boring or whatever, can wait...
Some choices, whether it's the choice to stay, or to go, can prove to be very stressful for recovery.
Only you know what applies here, Pigtails - but as long as you have your recovery as a priority you'll be OK, I think
Best of luck
D
Some changes need to be made, regardless of when they occur in recovery...while others, while uncomfortable or boring or whatever, can wait...
Some choices, whether it's the choice to stay, or to go, can prove to be very stressful for recovery.
Only you know what applies here, Pigtails - but as long as you have your recovery as a priority you'll be OK, I think
Best of luck
D
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Originally Posted by Dee74
You'd know better than any of us whats right for you Pigtails
Some changes need to be made, regardless of when they occur in recovery...while others, while uncomfortable or boring or whatever, can wait...
Some choices, whether it's the choice to stay, or to go, can prove to be very stressful for recovery.
Only you know what applies here, Pigtails - but as long as you have your recovery as a priority you'll be OK, I think
Best of luck
D
Some changes need to be made, regardless of when they occur in recovery...while others, while uncomfortable or boring or whatever, can wait...
Some choices, whether it's the choice to stay, or to go, can prove to be very stressful for recovery.
Only you know what applies here, Pigtails - but as long as you have your recovery as a priority you'll be OK, I think
Best of luck
D
) I do think that no matter WHAT I do, it will be stressful for my recovery. I have been coasting along too long and now I need to make a big change either way, or else I will be forced out, which would be stressful too, I think. (It feels like it would be a relief to leave under any circumstances, so maybe that tells me a lot right there.) I do agree that my recovery needs to be a priority. Sometimes I think I won't know what to do or who I even am until I am much further along in recovery. In the meantime... that is what gets stressful, but an incentive not to drink is that I will never get there if I keep drinking. Drinking has kept me stunted and stuck, and I want to grow.
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I don't have an anxiety disorder, so disregard all of this if it's not relevant. But I do think anxiety is always going to be a part of anything we do.
But the anxiety I sometimes feel working for myself (where will the next client come from, always having to keep things in the "pipeline", etc) is, for me, counterbalanced by the sense of total economic freedom that I feel being self-employed. Business can be good, business can be bad -- but business doesn't really end. To me that gives me a greater sense of freedom than worrying if I'll be laid off and then have to look for someone else to give me a job. Being able to make your own work is pretty liberating.
Maybe a paid job in the field you want to start your business in is a good starting point. I don't know for certain, but it never hurts to learn the ropes on someone else's dime. But the main thing I get from your posts is your excitement about starting this business. Whether you do it now or learn the ropes for a bit and do it later -- I think you should do it. You sound like an entrepreneur, and for people like that, even a failed business can be the happiest time of your life.
But the anxiety I sometimes feel working for myself (where will the next client come from, always having to keep things in the "pipeline", etc) is, for me, counterbalanced by the sense of total economic freedom that I feel being self-employed. Business can be good, business can be bad -- but business doesn't really end. To me that gives me a greater sense of freedom than worrying if I'll be laid off and then have to look for someone else to give me a job. Being able to make your own work is pretty liberating.
Maybe a paid job in the field you want to start your business in is a good starting point. I don't know for certain, but it never hurts to learn the ropes on someone else's dime. But the main thing I get from your posts is your excitement about starting this business. Whether you do it now or learn the ropes for a bit and do it later -- I think you should do it. You sound like an entrepreneur, and for people like that, even a failed business can be the happiest time of your life.
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The one thing that worries me is this:
Changing things up is not always the best motivation.
I got a lot better at listening to myself and trusting myself the more I went along in recovery.
Why not give it some more time and more thought before you make a move?
whats the rush?
D
I guess my way of not dealing with my life has caught up with me and I need to do something big to change it up.
I got a lot better at listening to myself and trusting myself the more I went along in recovery.
Why not give it some more time and more thought before you make a move?
whats the rush?
D
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Originally Posted by Deserto
I don't have an anxiety disorder, so disregard all of this if it's not relevant. But I do think anxiety is always going to be a part of anything we do.
But the anxiety I sometimes feel working for myself (where will the next client come from, always having to keep things in the "pipeline", etc) is, for me, counterbalanced by the sense of total economic freedom that I feel being self-employed. Business can be good, business can be bad -- but business doesn't really end. To me that gives me a greater sense of freedom than worrying if I'll be laid off and then have to look for someone else to give me a job. Being able to make your own work is pretty liberating.
Maybe a paid job in the field you want to start your business in is a good starting point. I don't know for certain, but it never hurts to learn the ropes on someone else's dime. But the main thing I get from your posts is your excitement about starting this business. Whether you do it now or learn the ropes for a bit and do it later -- I think you should do it. You sound like an entrepreneur, and for people like that, even a failed business can be the happiest time of your life.
But the anxiety I sometimes feel working for myself (where will the next client come from, always having to keep things in the "pipeline", etc) is, for me, counterbalanced by the sense of total economic freedom that I feel being self-employed. Business can be good, business can be bad -- but business doesn't really end. To me that gives me a greater sense of freedom than worrying if I'll be laid off and then have to look for someone else to give me a job. Being able to make your own work is pretty liberating.
Maybe a paid job in the field you want to start your business in is a good starting point. I don't know for certain, but it never hurts to learn the ropes on someone else's dime. But the main thing I get from your posts is your excitement about starting this business. Whether you do it now or learn the ropes for a bit and do it later -- I think you should do it. You sound like an entrepreneur, and for people like that, even a failed business can be the happiest time of your life.
And my personality is such that I work best under pressure and I think the anxiety of the having-to-fend-for-myself variety would be better than the anxiety of the having-to-put-up-with-this-environment-I-hate variety, because it comes with freedom and my own control over things and is based on self-reliance rather than fear/doing what people think I should be doing.
Thanks for all the encouragement, it really helps, no matter what I decide to do.
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Originally Posted by Dee74
The one thing that worries me is this:
Changing things up is not always the best motivation.
I got a lot better at listening to myself and trusting myself the more I went along in recovery.
Why not give it some more time and more thought before you make a move?
whats the rush?
D
Changing things up is not always the best motivation.
I got a lot better at listening to myself and trusting myself the more I went along in recovery.
Why not give it some more time and more thought before you make a move?
whats the rush?
D
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Just lost my job more than a month ago after 17 years with the same company. Some politics involved but I'm sure drinking contributed to it. Problem was that my job was also one of my enablers. After about a month long, hardcore binge and the accompanying emotions related to such an event, I had an epiphany: I really hated my job and am actually very happy never to have to return to that place. Yes, I have many new challenges ahead such as finding a new job and staying sober, but it's as if a huge weight was lifted once I sobered up. I'm pretty sure that becoming unemployed has actually saved my life. Off to new adventures and I can't wait!
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Pikkle, I can relate to your post. I feel unhappy in my job and I really don't think there's much to be done to make me happier. It just doesn't feel like the right place for me. I do want to put my sobriety first and not make major decisions but I also feel that my job makes me depressed and I am not sure there is any way for me to be more motivated. I'm tired of being fake. I'm supposed to have a meeting this week with a couple of my bosses about my goals and expectations and all I can think of is that I want to be honest. I don't even think I'll be heard, but it's more for me, because I'm tired of pretending.
Tomorrow I am going to apply for my own health insurance and see how much it will cost and what it will cover, as that is a big reason I hold onto my current job (yet, ironically, don't use my health insurance, even for counseling, because I don't want to be tagged with any recent pre-existing conditions whenever I get it on my own.) I am also seriously considering the idea of applying at the type of business I would like to start, which is on the opposite side of the industry as the business I am currently in, so that I can further learn the ropes and be in an area I'm more passionate about, while still having a paycheck and benefits. So I will try to send my resume tomorrow if I have time.
Thanks again everybody. I really feel like my spirits will get much better if I decide this issue once and for all and make a jump one way or the other. Yet in the meantime I am really going to try my best to focus.
Tomorrow I am going to apply for my own health insurance and see how much it will cost and what it will cover, as that is a big reason I hold onto my current job (yet, ironically, don't use my health insurance, even for counseling, because I don't want to be tagged with any recent pre-existing conditions whenever I get it on my own.) I am also seriously considering the idea of applying at the type of business I would like to start, which is on the opposite side of the industry as the business I am currently in, so that I can further learn the ropes and be in an area I'm more passionate about, while still having a paycheck and benefits. So I will try to send my resume tomorrow if I have time.
Thanks again everybody. I really feel like my spirits will get much better if I decide this issue once and for all and make a jump one way or the other. Yet in the meantime I am really going to try my best to focus.
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