Divorce and bankruptcy omg!!!
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: cleveland, oho
Posts: 57
Divorce and bankruptcy omg!!!
Filing for bankruptcy today,,,,, 1 year ago I was making 200k a year,, marriage of 15 years ,,, filing for divorce. Every thought in my mind says go drink this weekend... I know dont do it, I know, stay strong, dammit you guys know what im talking about its too much to handle.. I have another legal case in two weeks. So legal case, divorce, bankruptcy, broke as a joke. Wife and I dont even speak but live together because cant afford two residences, Cant sell my house (irs lien) This is so bad I cant deal with it. What to do? What prayers? My sposor pissed me off so bad the other day with his crap. Know where to turn except SR again,, I swear 3 rehabs,, alcohol, they did nothing. I feell Im on my las leg. Hopeless,, I try and keep my daughters in my mind and thats even hard. I have got up at 2am for the past week going to work on 3 hrs of sleep, living in a house full of hatred. Because of my alcoholism...... I dont know if i should just move into a homeless shelter for my own sanity, get away for the weekend,,, I do have hotel points left,, thats about all I have. I went and talked to a priest the other day for an hour it helped. I know that it should get better but my god.. I only see it getting worse from here, I walk around like a zombie on 3 hrs of sleep a day and can barely function. What to do.. Im in total despair
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Ryan,
I don't know what to do either except get sober.
If it would be that easy, to drink, to forget for awhile but we know that doesn't work anymore.
I was thinking the other day I have it so easy in getting sober in the sense I live alone, no immediate money worries, work is quite flexible, no big problems. I don't know how I would cope with the extra problems you are going through on top of trying to get sober, but I have a sneaking suspicion the answer lies in a good solid sobriety.
Sincerely I hope you find the answer soon.
CaiHong
I don't know what to do either except get sober.
If it would be that easy, to drink, to forget for awhile but we know that doesn't work anymore.
I was thinking the other day I have it so easy in getting sober in the sense I live alone, no immediate money worries, work is quite flexible, no big problems. I don't know how I would cope with the extra problems you are going through on top of trying to get sober, but I have a sneaking suspicion the answer lies in a good solid sobriety.
Sincerely I hope you find the answer soon.
CaiHong
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,410
Try to focus on today. All those stuff went come if you like it or not. If your stress out then try to find something to let the worries ago away besides alcohol. Plus you still have a job and your alive so life is not as bad as you think.
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 609
The self destructiveness of an alcoholic always amazes me, even though I know this is where I was once at myself, digging a deeper hole for myself. Everything should demonstrate to us that drinking isn't the solution, yet that's what we do, until we learn to break the cycle... it's a continuous catch 22. Truly an illness.
There is always hope for someone who keeps trying Ryan. I think it should have been demonstrated to you by now, the seriousness of any drink for you at all (though I know how this gets to you). I know before your last time, you were underplaying/minimizing what 'just one night' out would do... and here you are right now.
The best thing you can do is try to draw something from it, make this your turning point and an illustration of alcohol's effects for you. Drinking now can only harm you further and make your situation more difficult to sort through.
If you really feel you can't control yourself, maybe you should be looking at some safe inhouse facility until you can get a grip. Some suggestions/options were mentioned on your other thread.
Sorry if this sounds harsh, I know how difficult this is, just I don't want to tell you something that is half baked, given your situation. What we can do via distance over the Internet is limited, apart from make suggestions you need to act on with the people/resources around you.
Nothing in recovery is going to work until we are totally prepared to give ourselves over. You may need some personal counseling in addition to AA, some things (personal and emotional problems) I think sponsors just aren't equipped to deal with. They aren't professionals, that's not to say they aren't valuable... it takes another alcoholic to truly understand another alcoholic, and the thought process that goes along with it.
Please do everything you can to avoid another destructive bender, even if that may mean committing yourself to some care and starting from another clean slate.
You are very important too, do this before you do more harm to yourself.
There is always hope for someone who keeps trying Ryan. I think it should have been demonstrated to you by now, the seriousness of any drink for you at all (though I know how this gets to you). I know before your last time, you were underplaying/minimizing what 'just one night' out would do... and here you are right now.
The best thing you can do is try to draw something from it, make this your turning point and an illustration of alcohol's effects for you. Drinking now can only harm you further and make your situation more difficult to sort through.
If you really feel you can't control yourself, maybe you should be looking at some safe inhouse facility until you can get a grip. Some suggestions/options were mentioned on your other thread.
Sorry if this sounds harsh, I know how difficult this is, just I don't want to tell you something that is half baked, given your situation. What we can do via distance over the Internet is limited, apart from make suggestions you need to act on with the people/resources around you.
Nothing in recovery is going to work until we are totally prepared to give ourselves over. You may need some personal counseling in addition to AA, some things (personal and emotional problems) I think sponsors just aren't equipped to deal with. They aren't professionals, that's not to say they aren't valuable... it takes another alcoholic to truly understand another alcoholic, and the thought process that goes along with it.
Please do everything you can to avoid another destructive bender, even if that may mean committing yourself to some care and starting from another clean slate.
You are very important too, do this before you do more harm to yourself.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
I'm sorry for your troubles Ryan. It must be tough. But you have to stop looking backwards I think. Whats gone is gone and today is calling you with a big job.
We all have messes we need to clean up when we get sober...and we all have fears that can terrify us...the only thing to do is to lean on our support and start sorting out our life piece by piece, mess by mess, day by day.
It's not an easy thing - sometimes it takes a lot of work, a lot of time and a lot of patience - but I think you'll surprise yourself with what you can do and how much you can handle if you just do it, Ryan.
On the other hand if you feel you really can't deal with any of this and it's useless to try, then maybe an inhouse facility, like Michelle suggested, regardless of how many times you've done it before, is the answer?
D
We all have messes we need to clean up when we get sober...and we all have fears that can terrify us...the only thing to do is to lean on our support and start sorting out our life piece by piece, mess by mess, day by day.
It's not an easy thing - sometimes it takes a lot of work, a lot of time and a lot of patience - but I think you'll surprise yourself with what you can do and how much you can handle if you just do it, Ryan.
On the other hand if you feel you really can't deal with any of this and it's useless to try, then maybe an inhouse facility, like Michelle suggested, regardless of how many times you've done it before, is the answer?
D
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 37
I feel for you, I know what stress can do to an alcoholic.
Last year I was going through a legal case and I thought it was the end of my world. I did not sleep or eat not just for days...but for months. All I did was drink, I already was an alcoholic but I took it on with a whole new zeal during that 14 months. I was worried about everything, my legal costs, the respect of people around me, my freedom. I was on the edge Ryan really on the edge. Now I look at myself a year later and I could not be happier. There was no light at the end of the tunnel back then, but now looking back, its like all my stress and worry and desperation never even happened. The one thing that made it worse was my drinking, whatever good I had left in my life I blew it on drinking. I destroyed relationships by turning to alcohol during that period, relationships that I had never needed more in my life. Alcohol took a bad situation and made it much much worse.
I will forever pay the price for hitting the bottle even harder during that dark period. Please learn from me.
Ryan I am sure one day you will look back at this period in your life and feel like it was a different person. But you must get sober now. Drinking did not help me.
Last year I was going through a legal case and I thought it was the end of my world. I did not sleep or eat not just for days...but for months. All I did was drink, I already was an alcoholic but I took it on with a whole new zeal during that 14 months. I was worried about everything, my legal costs, the respect of people around me, my freedom. I was on the edge Ryan really on the edge. Now I look at myself a year later and I could not be happier. There was no light at the end of the tunnel back then, but now looking back, its like all my stress and worry and desperation never even happened. The one thing that made it worse was my drinking, whatever good I had left in my life I blew it on drinking. I destroyed relationships by turning to alcohol during that period, relationships that I had never needed more in my life. Alcohol took a bad situation and made it much much worse.
I will forever pay the price for hitting the bottle even harder during that dark period. Please learn from me.
Ryan I am sure one day you will look back at this period in your life and feel like it was a different person. But you must get sober now. Drinking did not help me.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Philly PA
Posts: 814
Ryan.
Yes, stay strong, because my fear is that it can get worse. Living in the sane house under the same roof stinks but please try to remember your kids. Keep them in mind and use them to ground you. Your actions still impact them and they still love you very much.
I loved my dad who drank until he was old and had a stroke I wish he had stopped while I was a kid or young adult. I don't think he ever realized how much we loved him even though we didn't speak much growing up.
Stop the madness now. Please
Yes, stay strong, because my fear is that it can get worse. Living in the sane house under the same roof stinks but please try to remember your kids. Keep them in mind and use them to ground you. Your actions still impact them and they still love you very much.
I loved my dad who drank until he was old and had a stroke I wish he had stopped while I was a kid or young adult. I don't think he ever realized how much we loved him even though we didn't speak much growing up.
Stop the madness now. Please
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Columbus, OH
Posts: 95
This story is so similar to mine - and I hit this same point last year. I was in shock. All I know is that when I REALLY surrendered, had no hope, I started to let other ideas in - things my ego would never allow before. I didn't know what true pain and total acceptance and surrender even looked like, because I kept trying to get back to WHERE I WAS, rather than accept where I was heading. The book The Power of Now & AA helped me to get my problems in perspective, get self out of the driver's sear. Other recovery tools and counseling added to that...but the most amazing thing - the thing that everyone in recovery told me - is that when I completely give up on the old way, things will start happening. There are too many last-second, crazy things that have happened to save me from eviction, jail, losing my car & license, etc to even list. It wasn't what I wanted, but it has been what I needed to survive and go for the REAL change that will keep me moving forward and allow me to help others who want to get sober.
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Portland
Posts: 1,631
I hope you can get through today. If you are in real trouble, find a meeting. (What a surprise to hear myself say that.)
Do not pick up.
All of these things have nothing to do with your essential self. They are all external noise. You have relationships with your daughters for ever. Make sure someday they look back and say how strong you were when you had to be. How you took them through this hard period.
My father was an alcoholic of epic proportion. He actually died of alcohol poisoning (and at 6'6" and 300 pounds, that was no mean feat). But he was also strong and beautiful and we loved him desperately.
Your daughters love you. Find a way to show them you are trying--and it's not about the money or the lawsuits. It's about being with them.
JMO--my fingers are crossed for you. And for me.
Do not pick up.
All of these things have nothing to do with your essential self. They are all external noise. You have relationships with your daughters for ever. Make sure someday they look back and say how strong you were when you had to be. How you took them through this hard period.
My father was an alcoholic of epic proportion. He actually died of alcohol poisoning (and at 6'6" and 300 pounds, that was no mean feat). But he was also strong and beautiful and we loved him desperately.
Your daughters love you. Find a way to show them you are trying--and it's not about the money or the lawsuits. It's about being with them.
JMO--my fingers are crossed for you. And for me.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,711
Whatever you do, DON'T drink. It will only compound your problems as you know. Sometimes, when things are going really bad I think "In 5 or 10 years this will all be a memory to look back and and appreciate all the lessons I learned from the challenging experience". I know it's hard to try and get perspective when you're in the moment but try it..maybe it will help. I am so sorry to hear what you are going thru, we are all here for you. Hang in there
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 521
Originally Posted by Dee74 
We all have messes we need to clean up when we get sober...and we all have fears that can terrify us...the only thing to do is to lean on our support and start sorting out our life piece by piece, mess by mess, day by day.
Dee I wrote this quote in my journal to reflect on... I really neeeded to hear this today. Thank you.!
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Dee is absolutely right.
You need to look at what you can do today to start to get your life back on track. Take some action, do something positive and slowly you will begin to get things together.
You need to look at what you can do today to start to get your life back on track. Take some action, do something positive and slowly you will begin to get things together.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: CT
Posts: 96
Ryan, plenty of good advice here ... it is very simple but our alcoholic minds make it very complicated ... cause and effect ... if you drink you cannot help your self or your daughters and the things you hold dear, let alone defend yourself. Imagine that you can spend a day fully focused, clear minded without fog muddying your thinking. Imagine where you can be engaged in the lives of near and dear and take the right steps to ensure a solid platform for the important relationships you have... Imagine ... it is as easy as not drinking. **** storms will come and go, drunk or sober, but the outcomes lie with you and I think we can all agree that we don;t do our best work when loaded 
Imagine, a compass pointing towards sobriety ... I think you have the compass but you have not stepped up onto the road .. don't let despair stop you, you have everything to gain and nothing to lose. I appreciate that money is tight, but it is a good idea to see your Doctor and be brutally honest, they can be a great assistance (and I never go the Dr. ) I dismissed AA for a long time due to the (wrong) perception that is was too slanted towards god .. but I have found a great fellowship where all are accepted without judgement and it really helped when I first became sober. It DOES get better ... one day at a time ... be well.
Imagine, a compass pointing towards sobriety ... I think you have the compass but you have not stepped up onto the road .. don't let despair stop you, you have everything to gain and nothing to lose. I appreciate that money is tight, but it is a good idea to see your Doctor and be brutally honest, they can be a great assistance (and I never go the Dr. ) I dismissed AA for a long time due to the (wrong) perception that is was too slanted towards god .. but I have found a great fellowship where all are accepted without judgement and it really helped when I first became sober. It DOES get better ... one day at a time ... be well.
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