cuyootoo

Being a terrible alcoholic myself, I really kind of suck at relationships in general. But I have had a few, usually with women who hate alcohol ??? I did have one relationship with a woman who was also an alcoholic, and believe it or not, the relationship was pretty much drama free. What the hell, I mean how do I get into these relationships in the first place? Anyway, my main question for you all is if you are in a relationship right now, is it with a "normy" and if you were in a relationship in the past was it with a "normy" or an alcoholic and how did things go?

ACT10Npack

Sorry but don't understand what your going to get by with this question?

silly

I am currently in a relationship with a normy but have been involved with an alcoholic/addict. I know what you mean, there was no drama. Probably because we were so messed up most of the time. That's not a real relationship.
Why do you ask?

cuyootoo

I haven't really been in that many relationships, seriously, I never dated in my whole life. But the reason I was asking is that it seems like I keep getting in relationships with people who are fundamentally different than myself by getting together with normies. I wonder what is attracting me to normies and what is attracting normies to me when I know darn well how hopelessly alcoholic I am.

Sometimes I think that I should be with another alcoholic, so we could at least relapse together and understand each other better when we were sober.

Sugah

Do you have any desire for lasting sobriety? Because the above plan seems pretty selfish--like a way to keep someone else sick with you. In other words, it sounds like the perfect alcoholic plan.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

silly

I completely agree with Sugah. It almost sounds like an excuse. Like as long as you're dating a person without an addiction, you feel as if you should try to stay sober (which it sounds like you don't want to do). But, if you're dating another alcoholic, you have no reason to change and sober up. As Sugah said, the perfect alcoholic plan.

In my opinion, until you've sorted out yourself and your health, dating should take a back seat. Because honestly, you're not doing anyone any favors while you're in this mindset.

bozboz

I am currently involved with an alcoholic. I didn't realize at the time that he was, becuase I drank much more than he does. Every man I have ever been with, has been addicted to something. It's funny to me, that he would get so upset with me all the time for drinking, and now the tables are turned. Through out this whole relationship, it has been nothing but drama. I'm pretty sure that I will be ending it soon.

cuyootoo

I am actually involved in a long term relationship with another normy, going on 5 years now, and my drinking has always been an issue. No, I am not trying to drink. No, I am not trying to get out of the relationship. I lover her very much. It's just that in hindsight, it seems like I could have saved a lot of drama by starting out with a person who could understand what it's like to be an alcoholic. It could be a point of intimacy rather than a point of drama.

Then again, 2 alcoholics together could be a disaster just waiting to happen. But then again it's not fair to the normy to be stuck with one of us bloody alcoholics...

I just wanted to get others perspective and experiences. I am not trying to make a master drinking plan.

bozboz

I don't think it matters one way or the other, as long as it does not effect your sobriety. That is what is important.

SSIL75

My husband is a normie. I have been sober for a year. I'm honestly a bit 'wtf' that he married me. We love each other very much but I feel like it's kind of a black mark against him. why would he marry an alcoholic?

Anyway. I am sober now. So I just feel blessed that he put up with all my ****.

Terminally Unique

If you think that being "an alcoholic" is a black mark against your family, then why do you willingly wear the scarlet letter?

Pigtails

Hi Cuyoutoo, I understand what you're saying/wondering.

Most of my significant relationships have been with alcoholics/people with drinking problems/issues, although at the time, I didn't realize it or fully realize it, just as I didn't realize or fully realize the extent of my own problems. One long relationship was drama-free to the point of avoiding conflict/lack of emotional intimacy, and as someone else said, it wasn't a real relationship-- we escaped into alcohol instead of bonding with each other. The other one was a drama-filled relationship of extreme highs and lows, and I think we were very similar and both loved and hated the parts of ourselves that we saw in each other, and were both very good at being passive-aggressive, starting fights and then blaming the other person, being jealous and selfish, etc. etc. etc.

My current boyfriend has issues with drinking but is also not currently drinking and doesn't want to drink...for now. I think he's at the stage where he realizes it's a problem but hopes he can control it or thinks eventually he can have one or two normally.... which I understand completely. The other day I was saying that it's hard for two people with drinking problems to be in a relationship because if one of us fails it seems more likely that the other will, and I don't want my sobriety to be dependent on what he does or doesn't do, or vice versa. He said yeah but at least we understand what it's like for the other... if we were with someone who didn't have a problem and just told us not to drink, they wouldn't understand how hard it is or what we're going through.

So, I totally relate to what you're saying. But previous posters are right that it's an individual decision and we must remain resolute despite what our partners do/say/don't do/don't say or whether they're alcoholics or not. Utlimately it is up to us. I know that for me personally, one reason I want to stay sober is so that I can have a good relationship and be a good partner, but, even more importantly, I know I need to stay sober for myself, so that I can have the best life possible and be the best person I can be.

SSIL75

hmm - I don't feel like it's a black mark NOW. But I think when I was drinking, it was.

I'm proud to have stopped drinking.