switchboard

I think you should (a) get sober for sure, because you won't make any progress under the influence or hungover all the time ... and (b) get plans together, with the help of a counsellor, doctor, etc., if you can ... including a plan for a job, for continued sobriety, and for talking to your wife .. and for your possible 'divorced life' (it doesn't have to be awful).

1. Get sober
2. Make plans
3. Start to live

I am getting a divorce too .. largely due to alcohol, as I'm sure my marriage would have been much different / better without it. I was devastated at first, but with the right plans in place, and of course acceptance of certain things, life can be, and is, very hopeful .. just in a different direction than it was pointed before. But that's OK.

Good luck. Hang on and you'll make it.

InParticular

YUP. To put in my two cent's worth, GET YOURSELF BETTER, and everything else will follow. You first though.

ventura47

Now is a crossroads. This is serious, this is your life. Muster up everything you have inside yourself and no matter how it hurts and how you want to escape bear down and bear with it. You have ways to get sober, they may not be fun but pretend you are studying for a final exam in order to graduate. Just deal with it and do the right thing no matter what. Remind yourself every moment you have a disease and you need to treat it.

keithj

The disaster can continue as long as it needs to. I can only post the same reply as I did yesterday, Ryan. If you want some help from others that have recovered from that disaster, PM me or check in at the 12 Step forum. We'll share the specific actions we took to recover.

PaperDolls

From the BB - not a direct quote but:
Wife or no wife, job or no job. A man simply will not stay sober so long as they place their dependence on other people rather than God.

Focus. Pray. Get to lots of meetings. Pick up the phone. Remind yourself why you started this journey in the first place. Remind yourself that your next bender could be death.

too.tall

Fight back, don't give in. Your daughters need you and they are young enough that they will forgive. Find your strength man, you owe it to your kids.

Itchy

Alcohol provides us an avenue to run away from all of our problems . . . except the results of using alcohol. <sigh>

What you are finding out is that no matter how far you run, or where to, you will always bring yourself with you. Life won't change you will. It doesn't get better, you do. Isn't it time my friend?

artsoul

Hi Ryan -

I really feel for you and hope this can motivate you to turn things around for yourself. I'm glad you decided not to go on a bender.

I went through a divorce after 14 years and it hasn't been easy being a single mother, but it got a whole lot worse when I started drinking again. Alcohol makes my world very small - all I could think about was my misery, my issues, my sadness, my anxiety, my struggle. It took getting sober before I saw that alcohol created that world.

Being sober meant accepting that life is difficult and there would be days where it seemed impossible. But there's a sense of satisfaction that come from meeting the challenge, one day at a time.

No matter what happens in your marriage, you can feel good about yourself again by getting through this sober. I'm glad you're here........

camedown

Unemployment is scary. Divorce is scary. Recovery is scary as hell, but it is a process of putting one foot in front of another and stepping into that fear, instead of hiding from it in a bottle. Go to so many meetings you get sick of them, then go to more. Do whatever your sponsor tells you to do, even if it is kneeling beside your bed and praying in the morning. You've hit a lot of bottoms, the ultimate one is right around the corner, and there is no recovery from that. If you do not want to die, go to meetings.

camedown

instant

Ryan alcohol is not the cause of all this. It is our giving in to our desire for alcohol, over other considerations.

Admit defeat. Surrender with gratitude.

Humility.

least

Why not rehab? Might be your best bet to get your life straightened out. Salvation Army has free rehab for those who want to get sober and turn their lives around. Your chances for success at staying sober and getting your life back are slim as long as you keep rejecting options for recovery. You're at a very low point right now and can't afford to be 'choosy'. Call the Salvation Army and ask about rehab. What have you got to lose??

Salvation Army ARC Ohio

LoftyIdeals

Ryan...I nearly lost my marriage due to my drinking, and all that drinking brought - lack of earnings, being a miserable, short-tempered SOB, and such. That was only 95 days ago. And on the marriage front, it's been a rocky 95 days. But, I made a promise to myself that I and my family deserved a sober look at it all before pitching it. Yesterday, my wife thanked me for 90 days. It was really the first verbal show of support that I felt she was sincere about.

If you want your life back, and your wife back, you must remain sober, and learn to live a better way. And groveling at first doesn't hurt either. Good luck.

CaiHong

Ryan I think Aegian,

Has hit the nail on the head, you really haven't admitted you are powerless over alcohol.
I get that, only 5 months sober myself, there is still a part of me that thinks I will be able to drink again without impunity.

Getting sober is not about just stopping drinking, there is a lot of work to be done on ourselves. I am just begininning to realize how awful I had become through drinking.

Five months ago I would have seen things a lot differently, others were at fault, no wonder I drank, the things I had to put up with, that type of thinking.

The fog is lifting, I am surrendering myself to my sobriety, to my wellness. I know if I do this all else will follow. I know this because it has started happening.

Do whatever it takes, whether that be AA, rehab or any other program that works for you.

I sincerely wish you the best on your recovery.

CaiHong

simplex

I don't really know your background but maybe isolating what you said in a quote will highlight the insanity of it. I'm not trying to judge because I've thought the same way. I Still do on occasion. This to me says that you haven't grasped the reality of alcoholism. Or think you are one. The sad part is that alcoholism is pretty much a self diagnosis and that plays perfectly into the progression of the disease. Maintaining that seed of doubt on whether we are alcoholics is in my opinion a sure fire way to fuel the chaos going on around us. Because we will eventually do the thing that is the root cause, drink. There are plenty of alcoholics that go on this way, they continue to drink knowing what the problem is, yet continuing to fool themselves that the next time wont be the same. Or the future will magically turn out differently because of really good intentions.

But putting alcohol on top of anything, especially a situation such as yours that requires a lot of courage and fortitude, will be disastrous. What you're going through took years to develop and progress, seeking a resolution through a temporary numbing of the problem is only going to make facing it 10 times harder when it comes back. And it will come back. You will have to face it.

You're gonna have to dig in right now and get real with yourself. I don't think any amount of sympathy here is gonna keep you from a drink. Only you can make that choice for yourself. It gets better literally each day you don't drink. Even if you don't have any tangible "results," it just gets better. Don't even focus on how you're gonna move further in sobriety than last time, or some other time. Right now just don't drink no matter what. I've used the fear of the stuff to get me started. Worry about a commitment to a program a little later. Treat it as your enemy for right now and don't drink. This sounds maybe melodramatic but this disease is serious business it will kill you. I hope you can see this through an don't pick up man. Best wishes.

cuyootoo

That sucks that your wife is asking for a divorce. If there is anything you can do to change her mind before she actually leaves, you might want to think about and do it. I know you know this, but drinking solves nothing. Don't let her go if you can change her mind. Seriously, once she moves out it will be way harder to reconcile.

likealion

How's it going for you?

I don't know what it's like for your wife to have been married to an alcoholic, but I do know what it's like to have an alcoholic for a dad. You still have time to be a person your kids will be proud of.

It's too late for my dad to repair the damage his alcoholism has done to our relationship, but it's not too late for you. Your kids desperately want a fulfilling relationship with you -- if you can't do it to save your marriage, do it to save your kids.

Best of luck to you.