LookingForNewMe

Well, here I am again. I had two weeks sober but then relapsed and have just come off a 5 day bender. It is late enough in the day though that I know I won't drink today. I didn't believe that this morning. With just one hour of deep sleep last night, the anxiety levels were through the roof. But somehow I got through it. The anxiety is mainly gone now. Instead it is more a feeling of depression and disappointment in myself. I know the latter doesn't help me -- but it is hard to shake at the moment.

So what is different this time? Well, this morning I did see my life situation in a new light. It was suddenly much clearer to me that I may really have to change some big things in my life -- in addition to dropping alcohol. I feel like I have come to a dead end in my life. It is scary thinking back over the last 12 years in my current job and living situation -- and I can see how apart from some savings, I haven't really managed to do much with all that time. I might need to take a sabbatical -- probably move due to the history with this house -- and perhaps even look into a new line of work.

Because this life doesn't work for me. And just cutting out alcohol may not be enough. To begin with I will focus on doing some type of recovery work everyday instead of leaving it up to whether my job left me with enough energy. I am not really in the right mindset to make big life decisions right now. But making the decision to put my recovery in the top position and being open to making big changes later does sound like the right thing to do.


PS: Thank you to all the nice people in the chat room who gave me support and company on this day where I had to go through day 1. It definitely made it easier for me.

TheTinMan

This sounds like you are on the right track. How do you plan to keep your recovery in the top position? For me, it's my top priority every day.

Congrats on a new start!!!

LookingForNewMe

Thanks TheTinMan.

I intend to be a more active member of this community so that I stay connected with my problem with alcohol. I think it will help me to read other people's stories every day.

I will also look into attending some online meetings for the SMART program. Other than that, I will schedule time for working the SMART program.

I hope this approach will work for me.

Dee74

Welcome back

D

artsoul

I like your plan, LFNM - I think it's great that you're going to put sobriety first and be open to considering some new options for your future. Drawing on my own experience, alcohol kept me in the same-old spot day after day.

Keep pushing ahead.....(one day at a time)