Anxiety with ease of abstinence
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Anxiety with ease of abstinence
Hey all,
This will be my second time quitting drinking. The first time I really wasn't commited and had not yet admitted to myself that I had a problem. I "tested" myself and determined that I could control my drinking, we all know where that ends up. That was about 6 months ago. I had an easy time with it and stayed alcohol free for about thirty days and then slowly fell back into the cycle. It was very gradual though, in fact so slow I didn't really notice what was happening until it was too far gone already.
So here I am now, second go at it, on my 27th day. This time I recognize that I have a problem, and have endeavored to be sober for the rest of my days. I am not a spiritual person and have a big problem with most of the principles of AA and other faith based methods. I am however, able to recognize that my drinking was a product of me being a selfish ass and not considering the feelings of the people closest to me. With that realization came the idea that I must show mutual respect for the people in my life by first respecting myself.
On to my question; I have a good deal of anxiety over the lack of "urge" to drink again. The first time I tried this I thought about the day I would be able to drink again, and had cravings and urges. I didn't want to quit forever and the thought that I would never be able to drink again made me somewhat sad. This time, I have no grief over the idea that I will never have another drop again. Conequently, I have so far seen no urges to drink again. My time is now occupied by being a better father and husband, and trying to make amends to everyone for the pain I have caused in the past. Great right? Well I fear that this is not difficult enough for me and that in itself makes me fear going back to alcohol. Where these thoughts come from I do not know. Maybe I feel like I haven't had the crap kicked out of me bad enough to ensure total abstinence.
Silly? How to deal with those thoughts?
This will be my second time quitting drinking. The first time I really wasn't commited and had not yet admitted to myself that I had a problem. I "tested" myself and determined that I could control my drinking, we all know where that ends up. That was about 6 months ago. I had an easy time with it and stayed alcohol free for about thirty days and then slowly fell back into the cycle. It was very gradual though, in fact so slow I didn't really notice what was happening until it was too far gone already.
So here I am now, second go at it, on my 27th day. This time I recognize that I have a problem, and have endeavored to be sober for the rest of my days. I am not a spiritual person and have a big problem with most of the principles of AA and other faith based methods. I am however, able to recognize that my drinking was a product of me being a selfish ass and not considering the feelings of the people closest to me. With that realization came the idea that I must show mutual respect for the people in my life by first respecting myself.
On to my question; I have a good deal of anxiety over the lack of "urge" to drink again. The first time I tried this I thought about the day I would be able to drink again, and had cravings and urges. I didn't want to quit forever and the thought that I would never be able to drink again made me somewhat sad. This time, I have no grief over the idea that I will never have another drop again. Conequently, I have so far seen no urges to drink again. My time is now occupied by being a better father and husband, and trying to make amends to everyone for the pain I have caused in the past. Great right? Well I fear that this is not difficult enough for me and that in itself makes me fear going back to alcohol. Where these thoughts come from I do not know. Maybe I feel like I haven't had the crap kicked out of me bad enough to ensure total abstinence.
Silly? How to deal with those thoughts?
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Originally Posted by Watcher 
This time, I have no grief over the idea that I will never have another drop again. Conequently, I have so far seen no urges to drink again. My time is now occupied by being a better father and husband, and trying to make amends to everyone for the pain I have caused in the past.
Sounds like my experience -- recovery was very difficult for me until I was 100% committed to the idea.
As far as the other anxiety you're feeling because you're not feeling anxiety about drinking, I would suggest putting it to good use: use that nervous energy to help you be proactive in maintaining your sobriety. Do you have a program you are working this time around? If you don't like AA can you find something else that works for you?
Best wishes in your recovery!
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Originally Posted by Watcher
The first time I tried this I thought about the day I would be able to drink again, and had cravings and urges. I didn't want to quit forever and the thought that I would never be able to drink again made me somewhat sad. This time, I have no grief over the idea that I will never have another drop again. Conequently, I have so far seen no urges to drink again.
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Originally Posted by eJoshua
Sounds like my experience -- recovery was very difficult for me until I was 100% committed to the idea.
As far as the other anxiety you're feeling because you're not feeling anxiety about drinking, I would suggest putting it to good use: use that nervous energy to help you be proactive in maintaining your sobriety. Do you have a program you are working this time around? If you don't like AA can you find something else that works for you?
Best wishes in your recovery!
As far as the other anxiety you're feeling because you're not feeling anxiety about drinking, I would suggest putting it to good use: use that nervous energy to help you be proactive in maintaining your sobriety. Do you have a program you are working this time around? If you don't like AA can you find something else that works for you?
Best wishes in your recovery!
Anyone point me in a direction for a non-faith based type of group or such?
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TAke a look at our secular forum for non-faith based alternative programs.
Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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On edit: I just read the several posts above and agree that whatever method you feel most comfortable with IS best. For me I prefer face to face and AA had that. If a non faith based group met here locally I would have gone there. AA was easy because it was easy to find, had lots of meetings and groups, and I could make it convenient as well for me. But there is nothing for me quite like being in a room with a bunch of fellow non-judgmental folks who have been in the same boat. I needed the whole shebang to get off drinking. SR, AA, my non AA friends and every method including not keeping it a secret from my family and friends because it was real this time, and having counseling and rehab were necessary at first. So whatever works just as long as you aren't joining something that tears down what works for another. Unless that works for you! 
I am with Josh and Sugar. I made that same determination. I finally realized I was committing slow suicide and it was accelerating. I decided I was not suicidal so I had to make that firm commitment to never drink, or smoke again. (Yes I did both)
Unlike the previous million times I tried to quit instead of deciding I had to forever, and instead of trying alone in silence and anonymity, I was going to do whatever it took and once free to never become enslaved by any substance ever again.
I checked into the hospital for detox medically for 7 days last September 21st 2010. I had terrible PAWS, and my first two months were a nightmare. I named myself Itchy here because my skin dried up and my scalp started flaking which never happened to me before. I itched like crazy.
But the whole time my only urge was if I drank would that end all the withdrawals? The answer was no, they would be much worse the next time, so I hung in there.
But the traditional urges as described here, no, not once. I had situations where I would think to myself I would probably drink over this before, but I won't ever make that mistake again because i don't drink or smoke now. And that was the extent of my thoughts. So I can't become addicted to either again. Drink and smoke in front of me no problem not even a twitch. Taunt me to drink I am so gone, I don't abide fools gladly and found some I used to hang with were just fools with bad intent yet impotent in life. I never hung out in bars or clubs so no triggers there. I actually prefer an Ice cold coke to the taste of a beer now, really. In fact when i was still drinking I admitted to myself that I didn't really like anything I drank. I sure don't crave any bad tasting stuff now. especially since my taste buds are working again.
Wow! Where did that come from? Hey that wasn't aimed at you. I guess I have some residual anger at myself for waiting until I had some permanent damage. I am grateful for all that I do have and that is a lot.
Anyway I coasted through too. Perhaps the commitment needs that undertone of firm disgust with my past self. But more the real recognition that I don't need it and never did. It never manned me up. The real strength of a man is in his mind and heart. (If they are clear)
BTW try some other AA smaller groups. I am so non religious many think I am an atheist and that is not so. I am a Nunya by belief. I was able to get by the Lord's prayer easily, it was the hand holding I didn't like and still am a bit uneasy but OK with now. The higher power was no issue. If I am the highest power then I am screwed!
If I understood the HP, then read Richard Bach's book "Illusions: The Adventures Of A Reluctant Messiah." Ergo I don't. So I have no issues with having my own HP as always. I don't want their's and mine is a firm Nunya. 
Take what you can use and leave the rest.
I am with Josh and Sugar. I made that same determination. I finally realized I was committing slow suicide and it was accelerating. I decided I was not suicidal so I had to make that firm commitment to never drink, or smoke again. (Yes I did both)
Unlike the previous million times I tried to quit instead of deciding I had to forever, and instead of trying alone in silence and anonymity, I was going to do whatever it took and once free to never become enslaved by any substance ever again.
I checked into the hospital for detox medically for 7 days last September 21st 2010. I had terrible PAWS, and my first two months were a nightmare. I named myself Itchy here because my skin dried up and my scalp started flaking which never happened to me before. I itched like crazy.
But the whole time my only urge was if I drank would that end all the withdrawals? The answer was no, they would be much worse the next time, so I hung in there.
But the traditional urges as described here, no, not once. I had situations where I would think to myself I would probably drink over this before, but I won't ever make that mistake again because i don't drink or smoke now. And that was the extent of my thoughts. So I can't become addicted to either again. Drink and smoke in front of me no problem not even a twitch. Taunt me to drink I am so gone, I don't abide fools gladly and found some I used to hang with were just fools with bad intent yet impotent in life. I never hung out in bars or clubs so no triggers there. I actually prefer an Ice cold coke to the taste of a beer now, really. In fact when i was still drinking I admitted to myself that I didn't really like anything I drank. I sure don't crave any bad tasting stuff now. especially since my taste buds are working again.
Wow! Where did that come from? Hey that wasn't aimed at you. I guess I have some residual anger at myself for waiting until I had some permanent damage. I am grateful for all that I do have and that is a lot.
Anyway I coasted through too. Perhaps the commitment needs that undertone of firm disgust with my past self. But more the real recognition that I don't need it and never did. It never manned me up. The real strength of a man is in his mind and heart. (If they are clear)
BTW try some other AA smaller groups. I am so non religious many think I am an atheist and that is not so. I am a Nunya by belief. I was able to get by the Lord's prayer easily, it was the hand holding I didn't like and still am a bit uneasy but OK with now. The higher power was no issue. If I am the highest power then I am screwed!
If I understood the HP, then read Richard Bach's book "Illusions: The Adventures Of A Reluctant Messiah." Ergo I don't. So I have no issues with having my own HP as always. I don't want their's and mine is a firm Nunya. Take what you can use and leave the rest.
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