ryanriley

This is the hardest thing I have ever been through. Drinking who would of thought. I dream of the day I can go in a bar and drink with my "friends" this is sad. I have out my wife through hell. I use to make 250k a year lost it all. All I want to do is drink. If I make it to xmas ill be amazed. I have lost many friends and family members because of drinking. This is lije a nightmare. I just woke up at 3am and started posting looking for inspiration. I find more help here than any aa meetin I've been to. And I've been to at least 150. I'm working the steps I'm just not feeling the change. I slipped last weekend and I do not look at that as a total lost lije many in aa. Anyone send out some words of help. Sorry about the spelling its late. I got into a huge drunken verbal fight with my dad 2 weeks ago and he said he would never talk to me again. What the hell do I do??

least

Try gratitude. Seriously, try being grateful for your blessings, even the smallest most insignificant thing. When I was around three months sober I was still miserable and didn't know what to do to prevent the relapse I saw on the horizon. So I started to be grateful. Had to force myself at first as I saw nothing in my life to be grateful for. But I made myself find at least one thing each day to be thankful for and it soon became a habit. Now I'm grateful for lots of things and it's made a huge difference in my attitude, my life, and my recovery. And along with learning to be grateful, I lost the desire to drink! Give it a try.

For example: I too am awake in the middle of the night. But Im grateful that it's not because I've woken up - again - in full blown withdrawals and sicker than hell. I'm grateful that altho I'm wide awake, I'm in a warm house and have a working computer to occupy my time. Now I'm not resentful, but grateful - what a difference that makes!

ACT10Npack

$250k a year. WOW, you must be a high risk or very smart person to make that much money. If you made that much before then you can do it again. Friends come and ago in life. They say that every 7 years you lose half of your friends. Your still married so that a good thing. You should be very grateful that your're where your at. Just need to get your life straight away and learn how to deal with your addictions and you feel be back to were your at.

Also if you feel like something is not working in recovery then find something that will help. Your not force to pick one or the other. Remember it's your life and if you want to kick your addiction in the butt then find out what's works.

ryanriley

What else works?? Meetings have not done it for me,, there not bad,, I just can tget in the groove,, believe me im not crying over spilled ,ilk,, I mad a ton of money and lost it because of drinking,, Ill find a way back but that not important now,, im a drunk,, love to drink,, thats all ive ever done,, I hav no hobbies,, if i golfed before I drank, bowling drank, all my friends drink so i dont see them anymore. I dont mean to sound bad, but of all the meetings ive been to i have not met anyone I would habg with if you know what i mean

This is tough stuff

ryanriley

act 10 what do you mean by high risk??

ryanriley

least,, do you have to work today?? Im have 3 sales meetings i have to be at and be on top of my game,,, Im dead tired,, mind all over the place I just need .... well i dont know what i need

ACT10Npack

Sorry I mean high "skill".

Dee74

Hi Ryan

I'm sorry you're still struggling. You remind me a lot of old drinking me.

I wanted my life to change for sure, I wanted the bad things to stop, but what a little part of me really wanted was to find a way to drink without consequences.

Until I gave that idea up, I went around in circles.

When I (finally) decided to get sober I was willing to do anything. I think it needs to be like that. You have to want to be sober more than anything.

If AA is your path then you need to work it - if you're still dreaming about drinking with your friends in a bar you need to talk to your sponsor, man, cos that's step one stuff.

If you feel you're not getting anywhere you need to tell your sponsor that too.

If you're not sure about AA then there's lot of other things to check out - here's a list to some of the main recovery players:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

Many people here have found AVRT useful too. You can find some threads in the Secular forum about that.

There's other things you can do too. You can speak to your Dr, you can see a counsellor. There's also rehab - inpatient or outpatient.

I'm not beating up on you - I'm just pointing out if you really want to change your life and stop drinking, there's many choices left to you. You don't have to lie awake at night worrying that you won;t make it sober much longer.

You do have to do something about it tho - if you want to.

You won't have to worry about making it to Xmas if you have the commitment to stay sober, the willingness to work and the strength to reach out for help when you're in trouble.

You can do this Ryan

D

michelle01

Ryan I spent a year drinking not as much as I used to but still drinking, I felt pretty miserable most of that time. And sorry I'm not meaning to be discouraging to people who have a relapse pattern, I did for a long time before getting it together, I paid a lot though for those slip ups that I thought were minor at the time, finally I decided I'd had enough of it altogether. I didn't give up on recovery, things happen you can't undo, you just have to keep moving forward with better knowledge next time.

Have you ever tried a counselor or getting an assessment done? I've got no problem with AA but I doubt it would've been enough on its own for me.

You talk about the fall you've had from being a big earner... I don't care how much I've got or haven't got these days, past regrets etc, I'm just grateful to still be alive, sober and clear headed to make better decisions.

You sound depressed and I'm not that familiar with your overall story so don't know if this may be a long term thing or the effects of a withdrawal. It may pay though to get it checked out if it's a chronic thing for you though.

InParticular

Two things in this thread strike me as being completely true and vital to success:

1: gratitude. Absolutely. Least you are always talking about gratitude being so important and I completely agree. Anytime I am feeling doubtful or sorry for myself or am heading towards cravings I think about what I am grateful, REALLY grateful for, right now today, and it sets me back on course right away. Just seems to put things in proper perspective and make me remember why I'm doing this-to be HAPPY and HEALTHY, which drinking will NEVER allow me to be. Alcohol takes away, it does not give.

2: Desire to quit drinking above everything else. Acceptance. You must accept that you are powerless over alcohol(sorry for the cliche) and that you MUST quit or die. Know this in your heart. And you MUST put quitting drinking above ALL else, because without sobriety, while you are giving your life to the bottle, you have NOTHING. It really is the first step.

These are the two things that have made the difference to me this time. I'm no expert, it is only 11 days so far but that is the longest I've gone in years after a multitude of times swearing off forever. And I feel incredibly hopeful.

Also, sharing on this forum has been HUGELY HELPFUL. Keep posting and checking back!

You can do this Ryan! We are with you and have ALL been in the same boat!

keithj

Working the Steps is the only thing that brought about the change necessary for me to stay sober. Meetings just didn't do it for me. The 'change' comes as a result of the Steps, although it was obvious to me that something was 'changing' at many steps along the way.

What Step are you on, and what are you doing? If you really want some help, and are willing to do the work, I'd like nothing more than to tell you what I know of the process and necessary actions. PM me if you want, or just wander over to the 12 Step forum and tell us where you're at.

least

I'm disabled Ryan, I can't work anymore. But I do have things I have to do: my mother has alzheimers and I'm caring for her and trying to keep her safe. I have three dogs who need my full attention. And I have a house to keep up.

I don't understand why my working or not working is important. I realize you have obligations of your own. But if I can be painfully honest here, it seems that for every suggestion made to you, you offer an excuse, a reason why it won't work. That's a self fulfilling prophecy, you know. If you keep denying that there's anything you can do to help yourself, you'll keep on sinking deeper in your own misery.

Can you do counseling? Someone you can vent to and get suggestions/feedback from? I see my addiction counselor once a week and she's a huge help. She sees my situation from a different perspective and doesn't hesitate to call me on my bullsh!t. Shines a light on my stinkin' thinkin' and calls me on it. I need that sometimes.

Why don't you try being grateful? STart counting your blessings. Can't hurt and might just help.

SomethingBetter

I know a friend laying in the hospital with his ribcage stitched up holding his chest together after a quad by-pass, he said nothing matters right now, exept getting better, not the bills or even his job, he is just gratefull to still be alive.

What we go through on this forum isnt like a heart attack but when we decide to heal we need to do just as my friend, we need to do whatever it takes to get well and be gratefull to be alive.

In some of my older posts I used to complain about sleep and my job, how the booze helped me do my job better, that dosnt even make since to me anymore, things are much better now, including my job and the pay that goes with it.

It was hard for me to let go of anger and resentments but slowly I am finding being a happy person isnt as hard as it once seemed, and I am gratefull to finaly be on the other side of the dam that separates me from a tormenting lake of alcohol.

least

Well if you've got sales meetings to go to that means you're working, and I thought you'd lost your long-time job back in March. So if you're working again/still you've got a lot to be thankful for. So many people are out of work so if you're working that's a blessing. Be grateful for that.