AzM

Hello everyone, I'm hoping someone has some advice.

I keep failing at quitting drinking, it's like I'm weak and just don't have the will power to get through more than one day. Even getting through one I just make up for it the next by drinking twice as much.

This is stupid, I'm going to lose everything and I know it but it doesn't seem to matter when I'm pulling into the liquor store. I tell myself not to stop there but I just do it anyway.

I even scrounged up a warm wine cooler after my 24 pack was gone last night, and I hate wine coolers.

So pathetic.

Maybe just typing this out will make it feel like I'm doing something, anything.

eJoshua

Welcome to SR!

I know what you are going through, I resolved not to drink many many times at the beginning of a day only to find myself going to the liquor store after work just like always.

Have you tried going to AA? That is often a great place to start.

AzM

Thank you Josh, and no I haven't contacted AA. Do they actually help? I'm not sure sitting around talking about alcohol and driving by the store on my way home afterward is a good idea.

cuyootoo

Day zero sucks. I hate alcohol. Alcohol makes me do things I would never do if I was sober. And the withdrawals... yuck! All shakey, utter anxiety hell, hearing sounds that aren't there, paranoia, thinking about all the negativity, the anxiety... Insomnia, insomnia, insomnia, shame humiliation. ALCOHOL SUCKS!!! I hate alcohol... Alcohol is not your friend. I am so glad that I don't have to feel that way anymore. Day zero-day 3 are the worst. Horrible!

eJoshua

It really depends on the person. I found AA very helpful in the first stage of my recovery. It helped me to be able to hear of other people's stories and successes. It's true that there are some meetings out there that talk way too much about drinking and just share war stories, but there are good ones that focus on recovery as well.

AzM

My previous day zero's have been horrible, I expect this to be no different. Couldn't tell you what a day 1 feels like never got that far.

AzM

Maybe I should give up trying to man up and do this and call them.

ventura47

If you were a diabetic would you sit down and eat a whole chocolate cake.??

You will need help and counseling, you will need to learn more about you and alcohol. But you have to want it first. SR will help you with ideas for your recovery but you have to take the steps. The first step is to just get through the each day, one day at a time without drinking, there are tools out there to help you, just ask.

Zebra1275

Maybe I should give up trying to man up and do this and call them.

Yes you should. Maybe this is why woman tend to live longer than us guys, we keep trying to "man up."

AA helped me when I finally gave in and tried it. It was a relief seeing so many others having the same struggle I was, I thought I was unique.

BTW, the best AA meeting I attend is a "men's only" meeting. Nobody tries to "man up" there, we all realize that alcohol has kicked our butt.

AzM

Great advice, thanks Zebra.

eJoshua

Not sure where you live, but most areas have a 24 hour staffed AA line that you can call for help finding a meeting. Just google "[your city] AA telephone" and you should find it.

Dee74

Welcome AzM. Good to have you with us

That was me too.

It wasn't that I was weak tho - I'm actually pretty strong. I have a lot of willpower too - I just couldn't access that strength or willpower when it came to booze...because I was addicted.

Part of my problem was desire - I wanted to find a way to control my drinking. I wanted to still drink and yet not have the consequences.

I had to accept that was impossible for me and always would be. I had to accpet drinking was not and could not be a viable choice for me anymore if I wanted the kind of life I wanted to live.

Acceptance helped me move forward, not willpower

Supports important too - I truly believe noone does this alone
AA's one method - but there are others too - here's some links to some of the main players. Check them out

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

D

AzM

Thanks Dee and Josh.

I'm feeling horrible right now but can go to an AA meeting in an hour. I'm going to try it.

tanja

AzM, you are taking a step in the right direction. Please let us know how the meeting goes.

AzM

It was kind of odd, and yet nice too. More people than I expected by far. I'm not sure what I expected to be honest. It was good to hear other people's stories. I guess it did help me. I'm back home, no more alcohol in the house, I feel like dog crap and my hands are clammy and shakey but I'm not giving up and will go back tomorrow. I get a chip so...may as well get one of those. Not sure what excuse I will use to get there though, need to think about that.

Zebra1275

Keep going back, it works.

Catrunning

Hi - Today is my Day Zero as well - new to the board as well. Except for feeling a little shaky and the awful anxiety, I'm doing as well as can be expected. Tried to find a meeting but none were convenient. Will try again tomorrow.

The weird thing is, I never even liked alcohol all that much - maybe a glass of wine or two with a nice meal, or a tropical drink on vacation, but that was it. Then I got hooked on pain pills, and when I ran out or went thru w/d's, I needed something to numb myself and started in with the alcohol. It just took a life of its own from there.

I'm 15 days off the pills - will never go thru that type of withdrawal again - and now need to work on the alcohol. Keep strong - we need it.

eJoshua

Welcome Catrunning!

Glad to hear that you followed through with going to the meeting, AzM. They can be weird, but at least you know that for the time you're there you won't drink.

Both of you may be interested in posting in our November 2011 class thread, feel free to do so if you want more support.

Best wishes in your recovery!

Dee74

welcome to you too catrunning

D

AzM

Welcome Catrunning, join the chat room if you need to talk lot's of helpful people are in there. They're helping me get through the night.